Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 27, 2003
I met my boyfriend on an online dating service four months ago. About a month ago I went to the dating service website to take my profile off. Out of curiosity I looked his up, and it was still there. When I mentioned it to him, he said he would take his profile off because he wanted to be with me.
Now I know I should have trusted him, but something told me to test him. So I created a fake profile with a picture of an attractive woman and e-mailed him as the other woman. When he didn't respond, I e-mailed again. He still didn't respond. I realized then he must have canceled his membership, so I looked him up on Instant Messenger and inquired if he was the guy on the dating site.
I told him I was new to the site, thought he was attractive, and maybe we could meet for a drink sometime. When I asked if he was seeing someone, he said he met someone who could be serious and had a lot of potential. I asked again if he wanted to meet, and eventually he said maybe.
That broke my heart. I got my girlfriend to phone him as the other girl. When she got him on the line, he was suspicious but hesitantly agreed to meet her for a drink. At that point I told him I was the girl who didn't exist. He said he thought it was either me or some kind of prank.
I am not a jealous person by any means, but I wonder if we can get past this.
Eva, the law does not permit entrapment. Entrapment occurs when the idea for a crime is suggested by the police, the police talk a person into committing the crime, and the person was not previously willing to commit the crime.
Once you realized your boyfriend canceled his membership you should have stopped. He is innocent of any crime, but you have proven you are by nature a jealous person.
My husband's parents own a dairy farm, and his brother works full-time on the farm and draws a wage. My husband has a very demanding job, yet he is expected to work on the farm each weekend, count cattle in the morning, and does not get paid even for gas.
Our family time is nonexistent. The phone rings and my husband runs. The only time we get together is when I book a holiday. I really think my husband is frightened of his parents. They say his brother needs time with his child, but what about me and our children?
When we go away, my husband is so burnt out he is ill for the first few days of our break. But when we are away, he is like a different person. I'd do anything to save my marriage, but I'm not sure how much more I can take.
Mona, there is a South American bird with two subspecies, one which builds a nest on the ground and one which nests in a tree. Occasionally a male of one subspecies will get together with a female of the other.
When this happens the birds live in great confusion. One puts nesting material on the ground, while the other continually moves it to the branch of a tree. The two never succeed in building a proper nest and usually this results in a mating failure. Occasionally, however, they do struggle and successfully raise chicks.
Good parents raise their children to be independent and self-sufficient, knowing that love is the bond which will hold their children to them always. Some parents, however, use demands and obligations to tether their children. That is your husband's problem.
There is no resolution to this problem unless your husband decides he wants to build his nest with you.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Addicted To Her
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 4, 2003
Abused as a Child
Child abuse is a much more common event, than is usually expressed in public. I recently attended an event, where people were asked to discuss their darkest secrets. Out of the thirty or so women in the room, nearly two thirds expressed their darkest secret as, being about child abuse and two had had terminations, created by a family member.
Look Out Any Window
Over my extended Thanksgiving weekend I took some time to look through my telescope at the moon. I saw the full moon rising in the east-northeast and thought it would be a good night for a look, so I set up my Meade reflecting telescope in the kitchen and aimed it toward the window.
The Author Within You!
I always had an active imagination when I was young. I hated school, and would pass the time away day- dreaming about things I should not even have known about at such a young age. I used to make up stories in my head, that would always have me as the centre of attention, like collecting an Oscar for a Hollywood film that I had starred in, or recovering from a major operation or accident. I think I was like this because I was a shy kid who lacked a lot of confidence. It was no different when I started work.
Imagine How Different The World Would Look Just By Knowing What Type of Learner You Are
Are you a listener or a writer type of learner?
Make Life Work: Repair the Relationship with Yourself
What areas of your life are working well? Career? Finances?
Misery Can Eat You Alive
This is a true story about a woman I worked with for several years.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 7, 2002
You Can Make a Difference
When I study of world these days, I see a lot of despair, and hopeless. There are countless problems that our society faces such as war, the degradation of the environment, and crime
Attitudes - The Overlooked Inventory
It goes without question that any business intending to thrive will, sooner or later, be forced into making an honest inventory of assets and liabilities. Yet, whether from a business perspective, or in the going concern of a single human life, we often lose track of our most vital product, our own attitudes.
Why Not Reinvent The Wheel?
"Why go and reinvent the wheel?" It's a question that's been around for centuries; right? Here's a better question: Why not reinvent the wheel? As a Peak Performance Coach, I do a lot of personal development trainings for adults and children, alike. I love kids! They don't think like us adults. Kids are just so incredibly and infectiously optimistic. And, they are absolute Masters of embracing, "what could be."
Tending the Fire
In old buildings there was a boiler room where men stood shoveling coal or wood into a furnace to keep the whole building warm. If they didn't tend to the fire, the place went cold. The same is true in our lives. We need to tend the inner fire so our lives do not go cold.
A Journey of a Thousand Miles
There is a Chinese proverb that says, "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."
Accept Every Invitation
How often do you decline an invitation because you have something else you would rather do? Or you're not crazy about the person asking you to join? Or you're not interested in that type of event? Or you feel like doing nothing? ...
Discover The Magic Of Doing What You Love
Do what you love to do and give it your very best. Whether it's business or baseball, or the theater, or any field. If you don't love what you're doing and you can't give it your best, get out of it. Life is too short. You'll be an old man before you know it.~ Al Lopez
Ways To Beat The Blues
1. Sit back and enjoy (or at least tolerate) the tumble.
Energy Work Basics Part 1: So What is Energy?
Everything is made of energy. Atoms, molecules, light, sound and color have energy. Our bodies are made of energy. Thoughts, emotions, actions and environments have energy.
Create Your Way Out of It
When life has you feeling less than happy, and you would like to see things different than they are, here are some tips that can help you.
Listening to Your Inner Voice May Save Your Life
"I was washing my breakfast dishes one morning when it occurred to me to go visit a friend who lived several miles away. I did my work and started to dress for my journey, when there came over me such a feeling of depression, or despondency, or gloom, that I could not understand. I kept on getting ready, all the time trying to reason away the feeling. But it would not go. Finally, I got my hat on and one glove and started for the door, when such a heaviness came over me that I turned back into my room and sat down saying, 'God, I want to know what the meaning is of all this?' The answer came loud, strong, and firm, 'Stay at home.' I stayed, and taking off my hat, gloves and cape I felt so light I seemed to walk on air. At the time I supposed the voice (I call it voice for want of a more definite term) had told me to stay at home because someone was coming to me for help. This was my first year as a teacher and healer. But not a soul came that day, nor that night, and the thought flitted through my mind that perhaps it was all nonsense after all and I might as well have gone.
Those who pride themselves on their honesty should also concern themselves with this principle: The effectiveness of honesty depends on a person's willingness to face the truth, which may conflict with this person's desires and provoke denial.
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