3 Big Fat Lies that Deserve to Die
Big Fat Lie 1: Your personality is formed and unchangeable by age 5 or 6
Somehow we have accepted the idea that we are complete by age 5 or 6 because some "learned psychologist" said so.
Recent research reveals, however, that our neocortex, the front part of our brain that is responsible for reasoning and decision-making, is still developing well into late adolescence.
I can hear the parents of teens saying "Well, duh!"
If you pause to think about this notion, it really makes little sense, for at least two reasons:
1) It implies that people cannot change, and my 25 years of working with people makes me conclude just the opposite it true.
Although just about every phase of my work life involves talking with people, I am basically a shy person. In high school and college there was a guy in our church who was very friendly to everyone, and just about everywhere we went, he knew someone. Because I admired this, I watched and modeled some of his behavior because my shyness was something I very much wanted to change.
2) If you are 40 years old and everything was formed and complete by age 5, then this implies that you have wasted the last 35 years. I doubt that to be true
Big Fat Lie 2: Time heals all wounds.
We have all heard this one many times. Sounds good, doesn't it?
The problem is that time does not heal all wounds.
The reality is this: all time does is pass.
It's what we do while time is passing that makes the difference.
I've worked with people that have had huge tragedies in their lives, and because of the way they handled it, were doing fairly well relatively soon.
I've also worked with people who have had misfortune in their lives who talk about it as if it were last week when, in fact, it occurred 15 years ago.
They have kept it alive and recent for them.
It's what we do while time passes that makes the difference.
Big Fat Lie 3: The first cut is the deepest
From Rod Stewart to Sheryl Crow, "the first cut is the deepest" has become an accepted myth about relationships.
The first breakup is supposed to be the worst and most difficult. "Isn't this supposed to hurt more?" I've even had teens and adults say, as if there were doing something wrong with not being broken-hearted enough.
The reality is that the deepest cut, or most hurt, comes in the relationships where you have cared, loved and given the most.
The difficult task is to recover enough to, in the words of the song, "try to love again."
It's an important thing to accomplish, otherwise you give the other person way too much power over you.
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
Attaining Financial Freedom
Financial freedom is not about having enough money to spend to your heart's delight, without seeing red. It is freedom from the control of money; freedom from being a slave to money.
Directions For Life
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. Memorize your favorite poem. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. When you say, "I love you", mean it. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye. Believe in love at first sight. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. In arguments, fight fair. Talk slow but think quick. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. Call your mom. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. Don't let a little disagreement ruin a great friendship. When you realize you've made a mistake, act immediately to fix it. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you grow old together, your ability to communicate will be more important than their physical attributes. Spend some time alone. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. Read more books and watch less TV. Try your best to create a loving atmosphere in your home - this is a vital factor that will contribute significantly to your children's happiness and your family's harmony. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past. Read between the lines. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality. Be gentle with the earth...and yourself. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it. Don't trust someone who doesn't close their eyes when you kiss them. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. Do not forget that your character is your destiny.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 26, 2004
Inspiration, the Living Force
These moments of awareness are powerful motivators. They boost our spirit and expand our view of certain joys we don't have the chance to appreciate every day. They make you want to shout for more and they also rejuvenate the child within. They have inspired new dreams and goals, and made possible other options in life.
The other day I found myself frustrated with the slow progress on my new project. Other people involved, subcontractors, just 'weren't getting it'. Why couldn't they just see what needed to be done and do it? Why was everything taking so long?
And How Do We Feel This Morning?
Without question, going to the hospital is teamwork from the time you arrive until you are wheeled out the front door. Everyone is working together for the common good of the patient, or at least a crack at his bank account. That is as it should be in such mercenary endeavors.
Just Let ?Em Go!
I remember when I was just a little guy probably about 4 or 5 years old, I was fascinated by snakes. Not any particular type of snake ? just snakes in general. I remember being really curious about how they could move around so easily without any legs or feet. I remember liking the colors on the garter snakes that slithered through our Nebraska summer garden.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 6, 2003
Moral Obligation & Responsibility
Chances are you have seen some type of disturbance in your lifetime. Whether it was a bully picking on someone or a piece of trash on the ground, disturbances happen daily on several different levels. Some people address them and others wait or assume someone else will handle the situation.
A Reason For Living in a Nutshell
In brief, my book A REASON FOR LIVING is the product of a sustained effort to answer in the most enlightening and inspiring way this single question: Why live? I started to ask myself that question about thirty years ago after my diving accident, which left the husky and lusty teenage athlete that I was a near quadriplegic. What had given meaning to my life until then had become largely impossible. As a result, my life seemed absurd.
One of Life´s Great Lessons ? Learn to be Thankful for What You Already Have
(excerpted from the New Jim Rohn Weekend Event DVD/CD series)
Anamcara - The Blessing of Peace
"Come out of the circle of time andinto the circle of love."
Imprisoned In Liberty?
Robert was so strong that I once saw him pick up and carry a refrigerator up stairs by himself. His strength plus his integrity landed him a job as a guard at a maximum-security correctional facility in a town called "Liberty."
Your Inner Wisdom -- Crouching Ego, Hidden Guru
Wouldn't it be nice if you had a spiritual counselor that traveled everywhere with you, answering all your questions and guiding you down the perfect path? Well, you do! Take a look in the mirror--it's you!
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 27, 2003
Those of you, who can fathom yourselves welcoming and enjoying a big, major change in your life right now, raise your hands! When I say, change, it might be a good change and it might be a bad change. Either way, we all don't know what that change is going to be like, what aspect of our lives is going to change and we might not even be happy with it.
Playing with Matches
Matches are all about power; a new world opens up when you strike a match and see it burst into flames.
Meatballs: Friend, or Foe?
We all have those moments, don't we? We're right in the middle of a project, and it's simply not going well.
5 Things That Americans Can Do To Remember Reviving, Surviving and Thriving in the Wake of Sept 11
For those people who lost friends and loved ones in the September 11th World Trade Center attacks, the anniversary will re-open the wounds and renew the pain of great loss. For the rest of us, it is a painful reminder of our vulnerability. The anniversary renews our grief for the loss of security and innocence we enjoyed in peaceful times. How do we experience the anniversary of our greatest national disaster in a positive way? Talk about it with others. How far have we come? What have we learned? How are we feeling? as a country, and as individuals? Honor those we knew and loved who lost their lives. Write about them, look at the pictures again, and talk about them. Keep their memories alive openly. Be with your supporters, at home and away. Reconnect with the positive people in your life. Sharing with others always makes the burden lighter. Take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. Do physical exercise? breath deeply and live fully. Do something you always wanted to do. Take a long walk. Turn your most negative experience to a positive, by giving to others. It is through giving that you will receive so much more in return. By helping others, anger and pain are transformed into power; the power to make our world better in the wake of crisis. Cheryl Perlitz ~ 2004 All Rights Reserved
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