Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 27, 2003
I have been involved with a married man for a little while. I am married myself, but it was an arranged marriage and I am very unhappy. I stay with my husband because of culture and my small children.
Because I was miserable I was elated to fall in love with a guy I met. I never asked him for anything. I wanted to be able to have a friend in him. I know he will never leave his wife and I don't want him to, but last week I found out I am pregnant by him.
I know the best way forward is termination, but it is tearing me apart as I am Catholic and my third child died at birth last year. When I told him, he totally freaked out big time. He told me to get an abortion as soon as possible. He said I was to present him with the receipt, and he would pay half, as if I am a common prostitute.
He is only the second man I ever slept with. The first was my husband. I am beside myself and cannot sleep or eat. When I try to contact him, he says he is with his wife and family, and I am not to bother him.
It looks like he was only interested in sleeping with me, while I wanted someone to talk to. I feel like dirt. I can't even say it is my husband's as I have not slept with him in over a year. Please help.
Clio, how did this chain of events begin?
You married a man you did not love. That was the first link in the chain. Love is something we all need. If we don't have love, we are going to go looking for love. That search created the second link in the chain.
You and this man took no precautions to prevent a pregnancy. That formed the third link. Now you have a choice about whether to keep the baby. That link will probably determine not only the baby's future, but the future of your marriage.
Three things suggest you want to have the baby. You recently lost a child, you took a chance on becoming pregnant again, and it is in accord with your religious tradition.
As unhappy as you are in your marriage, your husband must feel the same way. If it is at all possible, you need to sit down and discuss with him the state of your marriage and the best course to follow now. Be forthright in your explanations.
We cannot tell you what decision to make, but the discussion with your husband is central to your future and the future of your children. Right now you are desperate, but once you have done the hardest thing--telling your husband--every day things will get easier. Then you will be on a truthful path, and your future can only be built on truth.
Your actions so far have been based on not facing up to the reality of your situation. Even one more day in that direction will make things worse. If you feel you are unable to discuss this with your husband, then you need to discuss it with a trusted friend or one of the many groups which does pregnancy counseling.
At one time the man you were involved with could have made a decision to protect himself and his wife. That time has passed. He may have created a half brother or half sister to your children and to his own. His price to pay is that the future is your decision, and the law will spell out what his obligations are.
You have a life to live and children who depend on you. Basing your life on honesty can get you back to the kind of life you envisioned for yourself.
Wayne & Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
You Can Quickly And Easily Solve Your Problems
Today I just wanted to write you a quick note to encourage you. Why? Because even as you are doing your best to be motivated there will be days when it all seems too much.
Doing the Remarkable
When it comes to meeting and conquering the negativity in your life, here is a key question: what can you do, starting today, that will make a difference? What can you do during economic chaos? What can you do when everything has gone wrong? What can you do when you've run out of money, when you don't feel well and it's all gone sour? What can you do?
Never Jump to Conclusions
Human mind which is well known as a fluctuating prodigy presumes itself to be a great judge. It is so natural for the mind to judge anything that appears to it especially so in the case of other human beings. It doesn't give little time to itself to start thinking about any person. It jumps to conclusions in no time. Is such thinking called proactive intelligence or lack of wisdom?
The Shattered Identity
How to Guarantee a GREAT Day Every Day!
I have a standing interview every Monday morning on a radio station in thesoutheast that I enjoy very much. You can imagine though that it can becomeroutine. So to make it a little more fun, the host nowadays doesn't eventell me the topic before we go live on the air - that puts some excitementinto it!
The Priceless Gift of a Knee-High Smile
She was just over knee-high standing next to me in the checkout line. I first saw her eyeing a display of candy as she followed her mother and brothers through the store.
Why Read Inspirational Quotes?
Maybe you've heard this one:
How To Deal With Rejection
Rejection! Who hasn't experienced the horrible feeling of being rejected? Unfortunately we are often judged on what we do or say, which leads to either being accepted or rejected, valued or discarded.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 26, 2004
Reclaiming Our Resilient Spirit
Our spirits are taking a beating. The daily barrage of bad news, violence, shrinking resources, global warming, and economic slowdown can put us in a state of frustration and paralysis. Some days, getting out of bed can be a challenge.
Everyone Has Been Hurt ....Part 6
Finding Inspiration to Realise Your Dreams and Ambitions
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." Mark Twain
Transform Old Grumpy
This is a true story. A woman had Snow White and the Seven dwarfs in her yard as lawn ornaments. One morning she found that Grumpy was missing. The thorough search of the neighborhood and many inquiries were fruitless. Grumpy had vanished.
Recipe for Success
"Desire is a tremendous force, and must be directed in the right channels (to work). - Florence Scovel Shinn
Today is Yesterdays Tomorrow
The problem with waiting until tomorrow is that when it finally arrives, it is called today. Today is yesterday's tomorrow. The question is what did we do with its opportunity? All too often we will waste tomorrow as we wasted yesterday, and as we are wasting today. All that could have been accomplished can easily elude us, despite our intentions, until we inevitably discover that the things that might have been have slipped from our embrace a single, unused day at a time.
What Movies Can Teach You About Meaningful Coincidences (Use Them to Get What You Want)
When you have your dream clear in your mind and you go after it in the right way, the universe will send you miraculous help through meaningful coincidences. Sometimes you may have only one opportunity to receive such help. That's why you must be ready.
Neither A Borrower
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 4, 2002
Let Change Be Your Friend, Mentor, and Inspiration
People have a tendency of anticipating pending change on the assumption that it will be bad. Such focus on the negatives contribute to unnecessary fears of change, even when there is really not much, if anything, to fear. Sometimes that fear can be inflamed by self doubt; doubts of our own ability to deal with this new situation that is about to befall us.
Everyone Has Been Hurt... Part 4
Smile! Banish Your Fear
Changing our physiology is one of the best ways to change the way we think and feel. Smiling (and I don't mean just a little smile - a big grin will do!) has the ability to change how we feel in an instant. Laughter too, is one of the best ways to heal our mind and body, hence the proliferation of laughter classes all around the world.
|© Athifea Distribution LLC - 2013|