Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 13, 2003
I've been friends with "Jenny" for three years after my husband and I started a business with her husband. When her husband decided he didn't want to come to work anymore, we pretty much took his name off the business, and they stopped calling and coming over.
We would call, but they'd never answer or return our calls. Through another friend we learned they split up. I had some information about Jenny's husband I thought she needed to know, so I met with her. I told Jenny her husband cheated enough for an entire football team.
Jenny told me she never called because her husband said we didn't pay him an even share of the business profits. Even though we didn't have to, we showed her proof we paid him right. After all that we became friends again. We hung out every other day and talked on the phone every morning.
Jenny even found a guy to like her and her two kids. She seemed really happy and believe me, if you knew her, a piece of chocolate would make her happier than she ever was in her marriage. The only thing is, she dumped the new guy. Then suddenly she stopped calling and coming over.
Yesterday I went to her house and her ex was there. I turned around and left. I'm pretty sure the only reason she wants to be with him is because he is the father of her kids, but she is willing to give up her friendship with me for him. I know what you're thinking, same as my husband, she never really was my friend if she would do this.
I wrote her a letter in hopes of getting my friend back, but I'm not sure it will do any good. What else, if anything, should I do?
Tara, what your husband said is not quite right. It isn't that Jenny never was your friend; it's that you can't root for both teams in a basketball game. Jenny was faced with two competing realities. Either her husband is a good person worthy of respect, or her husband is untrustworthy.
While Jenny was with you she could cast her marriage in one light, but once she went back to him, she had to recast her marriage in a different light. She couldn't hold both pictures in her mind at the same time.
Your experience is a familiar one. Often when a couple breaks up, a friend of one of them will share in all the secrets of the marriage. If the couple gets back together, that friend will be left out in the cold because they know too much. That is what happened to you.
While Jenny's husband is in her life, she will not be your friend.
Wayne & Tamara
I am dating the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and I love her more than anything in the world. Obviously there is a problem, or I wouldn't be writing. My girlfriend is extremely jealous, especially of celebrities. She wouldn't talk to me for three days after she asked if I thought actress Eliza Dushku was attractive, and I said yes.
I never look at other women, and she seems only to be jealous of celebrities who are way out of my league. Not too many movie stars hang out in my small town in Ohio. What should I do?
Dean, this could be something you can learn to live with, as long as you don't move to Hollywood. But we never suggest a person alter or change their actions for the sake of another's irrational jealousy.
If you change yourself for her, she will not respect you. She may be attractive enough to get any man to jump through hoops for her, but the man she settles down with will probably be a man who doesn't.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Learn to Deal in Challenges
(Excerpted from the 2004 Jim Rohn Weekend Leadership Event)
A Plan Of Attack
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 28, 2002
Do You Pay For Services Out of Obligation or Appreciation?
Have you ever paid for services rendered with a strong sense of appreciation, yet you weren't aware of the impact you had on the person who received the payment? Let me assure you it does make a difference. In fact, how you pay for any type of service sends an important message yet is often overlooked. I say that with certainty because recently I had the good fortune of working with a client who demonstrated the most impressive attitude and professionalism in regard to payment. I was so struck by his approach and attitude that I decided to share what transpired, hoping that others might take something of value away from my experience.
Dont Let The Door Hit You Where The Good Lord Split You!
I knew precisely what I wanted. I felt that success was only inches away. The excitement in my body was beginning to feel like electricity surging through my veins. Watching the events, as they unfolded, from the prevailing conditions my spirit was screaming; "Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you." So, guess what?
Its The Journey, Not The Destination
Don't you just hate clichés like the one illustrated in the headline of this article? I know I do. But love them or hate them, most of us must admit that such adages and clichés are often grounded in truth, and this one is no different.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 10, 2003
Spiritual Bread Making
All the ingredients to make 12 loaves of bread already exist. The probability that any kind of bread already exists in your reality and it is simply is a matter of combining ingredients to create a possibility. The ingredients do not have to be created to make brown bread, they already exist. What is it that makes brown bread?
How to Conquer Fears and Worries
"More than any other time in history, mankind face a crossroad. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, and the other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly." - Woody Allen (Side Effect)
Top Ten Ways to Retire Retirement
1. Retire the word "retirement" from your vocabulary. Look it up: it means to "withdraw" or "retreat." Words can shape reality, and it's time for this one to go. Doesn't "renaissance" or "graduation" better describe your post-career life?
I Dare You To Be Successful
Just imagine how it would feel to be successful...., tohave sufficient money finding its way into your bankaccount on a monthly basis, to have absolutely no sleeplessnights about income and how you are going to pay all thebills at the end of the month. Just imagine how it wouldfeel to be able to take a vacation when you want to. Justimagine how it would feel to pay cash for your nextvehicle.......
The Nature of Anger
Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life by Kevin B. Burk
The 5 Fortunes Within
What could be nearer to us than our own selves. What could be a greater fortune to discover than our own love. When you can accept yourself just as you are, with all your warts and wrinkles, with all those extra tucks of fat, with all those scars and blemishes, with all your broken promises and misadventures, then, and only then, can you begin to appreciate your own power, beauty, integrity, intelligence, and competence.
Where Do You Go For Your Intellectual Feast?
(excerpted from Leading an Inspired Life)
Lifetime of Discoveries: Moments of Peace and Renewal
There are discoveries all around ussmall gifts of joy that bring moments of peace and renewal.
Coming To Your Senses, Again and Again!
When we talk about the Enchanted Self we are referring to positive states of mind and body that are unique to each of us. We are also referring to the process by which we tap into our Enchanted Self. (The name I have given to this delightful, happy, elevated part of us that knows how to have fun, feel alive and be joyful.) One step in the process is learning how to heighten and how to return to positive states of mind and body. Our memories always assist us.
This article was channelled through me by an entity called Joseth (My name for the creator)
Recognize the Perfect Realtor
As soon as you have launched a strong desire, the answer is on its way. In that moment the Universe/God begins to orchestrate every person, event, and resource necessary to fulfill your desire.
The Secret Of Lasting Personal Change
Why do so many of us end up frustrated when we try to improve our personal reality?
If we want to fill our heads with the doom and gloom society seems to thrive on, all we need to do is turn on the local news at night. To make that quantum leap toward personal happiness and success in life, sometimes we just need to do what so many people seem to be talking about lately: clean house and take personal inventory of the people we associate with most.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 12, 2003
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