Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 12, 2003
Of all the relationship advice columns, I like and respect yours most because you never encourage using manipulation or "tricks" in relationships.
I recently turned 30 and am considered an attractive woman. My life has never been easy, but I put it all behind me and tried to make the best out of my assets. I moved to the States, put myself through college, graduated with honors, and work hard to support myself.
The only problem is I have no love in my life. The men I date act like I am the best thing to happen to them, in the beginning that is. Inevitably it turns out they do not want a serious relationship, leaving me with a broken heart and crushed hopes. If I am really that wonderful, why is this happening to me?
I have dated men of various ages, professions, and physical appearance. The only thing they have in common is a dread of settling down with one person forever.
I live in New York, perhaps the most "commitment phobic" city in the world. Whenever I travel to other states, people say, "You're such a beautiful girl. Not married yet?" It's flattering, but I cringe to hear that question. It makes me feel like the biggest loser.
I've tried almost everything. Recently I read in one of the relationship books the best way to attract the right partner is make a list of all the qualities we would like them to possess and meditate upon it. Inevitably the right mate will be drawn to us. Call me skeptical, but this sounds like ordering custom furniture, not meeting a mate.
Can such lists really work? Please help me. I am too young to live without love the rest of my life.
Eldora, oh, if it was only that simple. Make a list of what you want--a man, money, or a trim waist--and meditate. If that worked, we'd all be married, we'd all be rich, and we'd all be thin. If that book worked, it would be the hottest selling book ever.
Authors of relationship books say you can plan and plot this out because that is what people want to hear. But it is not within their power to make happen. No one has a crystal ball to tell you when the great moments of your life will occur. Love comes when it comes, not when you decide it should come.
Love is a word which is often misused. It can be used to gain undeserved intimacy. There is something to be said for waiting, because those who are not serious are not likely to be patient. As you have already painfully discovered, you cannot turn a man who is not serious into one who is no matter how much he says he likes or loves you.
It doesn't take long to realize a shoe doesn't fit, and almost all men give indicators they are, or are not, of a mindset for a wife. The sooner you learn a man is not of your mindset, the less likely you are to be hurt. If a man says he isn't looking for marriage, shake his hand, say goodnight, and tell him he is not what you are looking for.
The one thing we can tell you is to live the kind of life which is in you, that you deserve, that you have a passion for. Because that is the only thing which is under your control.
Put yourself in the way of love and marriage. That means not being involved with anyone who does not want marriage, acknowledging in your heart you want to be married, and not being afraid to say it. The man who truly loves you will want to make you his own.
The best thing you can do is be out there living a good life.
Wayne & Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Number that Decides Your Success
God has created human beings to live successfully. He has no discrimination in this regard.
According to the Buddhists, between January 29 and February 12 is the worst time of the year. "Don't start anything new during this ending period," they advise. "It won't last." February, however, can be a great time to meditate on new beginnings. But what if you have no direction? What if you are STUCK?
Motivational Posters - A Source Of Inspiration?
What Inspires You? What motivates you to get up in the morning? Are you one of those people who have a burning desire to achieve something or are you drifting along doing your daily routine? This is something you may not have put much attention on or even any at all but, if you look closely, you may find that there may have been one or more people who have inspired you in your life.
Beautiful Day Blues
The massive orb dominates the aqua crystalline backdrop of its own making, floods its rays on everything below. The sky devoid of a single cloud seems as empty as I feel and the beach looks like an arid desert, molded by tireless wind and blazing heat. I picture myself atop an Arabian camel, parched with thirst, crossing an unforgiving series of never-ending dunes, up one and down the next, no rhyme nor reason, only the nose of the animal in front of me.
A Life Touched
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 17, 2003
Being An Adult
I have always thought that grandparents were the icons of wisdom, the "go to" person with he answers, the epitome of patience.
The Art of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a critical element in becoming self actualized and fully loving. Forgiving is the process by which you let go of feeling victimized or having wronged others. It allows you to climb out of the dark well of anger, bitterness, or guilt into which you can easily fall.
You Can Make a Difference
When I study of world these days, I see a lot of despair, and hopeless. There are countless problems that our society faces such as war, the degradation of the environment, and crime
What Life is All About?
When we look at lives in any places in this world, we may come to the similar red line. Those lives consist of phases that take living creature from a step to a further one. Be it human or plants or animals, their lives are all the same. It's a growth from youth to old then die.
Opening Hearts is as Easy as Opening a Window
Two-year-old Owen goes to speech therapy twice a week. The therapist's office is small and gloomy. There is one large window, but the shade is always down and very little light comes through. Each time we go there, I can't help but feel depressed by the atmosphere.
The Power of the Tongue
There is an old proverb with a lot of wisdom. It says, "The tongue has the power of life and death, and whoever loves it will eat its fruit."
In Tall Grass
My best friend, Ryan, told me last night he got his girlfriend, Rebecca, pregnant. He is 22 and she is 20. He told me he was probably going to marry her "because that is what I should do." Let me give you a little background.
How To Be Secure In An Insecure World
Most of us believe that our happiness and security are dependent upon our relationships, work, income and the external events that take place in our lives. When things are going well there is a sense of well-being and safety. We sleep well at night, wake up feeling refreshed and have the sense that the world can be managed - that we are in control. However, this kind of security is fleeting. As people and events are constantly changing, we are often edgy about what's coming down the road.
I.Q. You Q. He, She, or It Qs.
I have, in recent years, come to believe that IQ tests are a waste of time for most of us, and a waste of money for some of us. In fact, as a general rule of thumb, if you want to know how stupid you are, check to see if you're paying for an online IQ test.
Worship and Football: Lets Take Another Look
At a recent seminar we were asked to imagine if some football commentators were giving advice to churches about how to increase their attendance. They might suggest the following:
The Shattered Identity
Learn to Deal in Challenges
(Excerpted from the 2004 Jim Rohn Weekend Leadership Event)
Clearing Your Inner Landscape: Freeing Yourself From Emotional Deadwood
Do you suffer from emotional clutter? Is suffering even the right word? Maybe it is, maybe a better description is 'living with' emotional clutter. Emotional clutter is like an addiction.
A New Strategy
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 3, 2003
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