A Pickup Line
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 11, 2002
I just started a wonderful new job. The atmosphere is laid-back, and the people alone make the place fantastic. The best of them all is my boss. She is 29, a month my elder, and very comely in appearance.
At first I was merely attracted to her, but as time went on, I fell hard. I couldn't put my finger on it, but she has such a sweet and gentle spirit. Problem is she's not only my boss. She's married.
At weekly meetings, I didn't want them to end. I'd lose focus during the conversation. I'd stare at her when she was talking. She is such a delightful and special person I couldn't help it. I wished I could be with her all day.
On some occasions, I thought she had to know this. It was killing me inside. She'd walk by me in a sundress, and I'd look her over. I would notice her looking down at me coyishly, then she'd get a call from her husband and be all happy to hear from him. I cut my eyes back to my computer, upset.
I thought I had to tell her, so one Friday, I did. She told me everything I needed to hear. She said she was happily married. I said I wouldn't hurt her in her career. She told me to get over it. I told her it was done, but that I love her in a way that makes me want to do the best for her.
I want to be there for her, but now she's very cold to me. I say hello in the hallway and she walks by me quicker. Her actions appear scripted. It sears my soul every day to think I hurt or scared her in any way. Will things return to normal so we can be close friends in spite of all this?
Reynold, you will never be close friends because friends is not what you want from her. She gave you no opening for your remarks. You created a problem for her with a subordinate, a problem with no easy solution except to keep you at arm's length.
You created a permanent difficulty in your new job, one which can influence your chances for raises and promotion. The only solution is to keep your eyes and your thoughts to yourself and do your job.
You are looking at this strictly from your own point of view. Where did you get the idea you can tell any married woman you are romantically and sexually attracted to her? That would mean, when you marry, any man is free to hit on your wife.
When crossing the street, it is best to look both ways. If you think only of your own objective, the opposite curb, you are likely to get run over.
Wayne & Tamara
In April I cheated on my husband and let him find out. I swore to him it was over and wouldn't happen again, but I've been stringing along the guy I cheated with, telling him I love him and keeping him in the background just in case things didn't get better with my husband.
Well, my husband found out and now wants a divorce. I don't. I can't see myself without him. I am scared this time I will lose him for good.
Angel, your letter reminds us of the Aesop's fable about the dog carrying a chunk of meat in his mouth. When he looked into the water, he saw another dog with a larger piece of meat. In grabbing for it the dog lost both pieces, the real and the imaginary.
Your backup plan was your undoing. It proved to your husband why second chances are often unwarranted. Do you understand the moral of the story? Greediness can cause us to lose everything.
Wayne & Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
The Bright Side of Loneliness
Recently a romantic relationship came to an end and I found myself alone again. The minutes, the hours now felt empty. For three weeks I sat beside a silent phone, rehashing the past and coming to terms with my loss. After the warmth and intimacy of love, my loneliness felt like a great abyss that I could not escape.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 9, 2002
Money or Faith?
I've been to 64-countries, and yes money comes in handy, and goes quickly (and is useful and has its influence), I've had a ton of it at one time or another and an ounce of faith, and I'll take faith any day-why? I'll explain. Anybody who has been in a combated zone, under fire will tell you: '?keep the money, I need faith right now.' In a like manner, when I was in the hospital, had a stroke that paralyzed me, a heart attack also, and bypass surgery, they said I was a Fruitcake. But three days later I got out of bed, and when I did, for three weeks they called me "The miracle of the ward." Even the atheist doctors were spellbound. Money walked away, as faith took over.
Such Love Transforms
Everything was arranged: once the funeral was over, all were to go to Hephzibah's house for the after-funeral dinner. It was the way things were done in Nain, typical of the customs followed by citizens of the Jewish towns of the Galilee.
Adversity, What Is It Good For?
As I sat down to write this article, I was reflecting back over the last week ? a week filled with adversity. We all go through it and it is during those times that we may often wonder what is it all for anyway? What is the point? What is it good for?
As A Caterpillar
"Happiness can be as elusive as a fluttering butterlfy but as easily attainable as a crawling caterpillar. Put aside the net, and let it happen." Brain G. Jett
Being An Adult
I have always thought that grandparents were the icons of wisdom, the "go to" person with he answers, the epitome of patience.
Make Mistakes! Its Okay - Really!
When you fall, do you get right back up? Do you learn from your mistake and move on? Or do you kick yourself so hard in the butt that you just mope around for days in your PJs and wonder why you're so miserable? Come on! Get a grip!
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 5, 2004
Faith Like a Child
The 5 Fortunes Within
What could be nearer to us than our own selves. What could be a greater fortune to discover than our own love. When you can accept yourself just as you are, with all your warts and wrinkles, with all those extra tucks of fat, with all those scars and blemishes, with all your broken promises and misadventures, then, and only then, can you begin to appreciate your own power, beauty, integrity, intelligence, and competence.
Thanks to Walt Disney's "The Lion King", children the world over know the Swahili expression "Hakuna Matata". It means "No Problem" and we grown-ups should use it more often.
A Path To Peace
The root of discord and violence between people and nations comes from our tendency to forget our humanity. We "forget" our true nature.
Inspiring Values of Unforgettable Teachers
All of us recall special teachers - people who not only taught us but inspired us in ways that changed our lives. William Arthur Ward once said, "The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires." Here are five life-changing values inspired by unforgettable teachers.
Are We There Yet?
In a recent disaster, a man was asked why he wouldkeep searching for a loved one, even when he knewthere was little hope of any survivors. He was toldrepeatedly, the chances of finding anyone still alivewere very slim.
Life is About Choosing
Back to our youth days, we were taught that by being discipline and studying hard we would get good grades and would surely pass the school without failure. Therefore, as a kid we tried our best to work well in studying instead of keep playing out with neighbor kids.
5 Tips To Add More Spice To Your Life
1. Once a week, visit somewhere you've never been before. A city, town or village, a museum, a theater, a restaurant, café, or bar, a park, a zoo, a wood or forest ? get the idea? Visiting new places broadens your horizons and helps to keep life fresh and interesting.
20 Ways To Improve Your Life
People often ask me how they can improve their lives.
Abundance Is A Life Style
Abundance is a life style, a way of living your life. Itisn't something you buy now and then or pull down from thecupboard, dust off and use once or twice, and then return tothe cupboard.
On Sunsets and Telecom
Another perfect sunset seen from Redondo Beach, California. Since arriving here in June I've had the pleasure of watching many sunsets while jogging or walking along the Redondo "Strand," and have yet to tire of the endless beauty of each individual sunset. Each one is stunning, each one is different. While jogging along this evening, watching today's contribution to my portfolio of California memories, the thought came to me that sunsets are a lot like the day to day activities that challenge our lives.
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