Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 20, 2003
I was recently looking through some old photos when I found some of an ex-boyfriend when he was a child. I remember him telling me at the time these were the only photos that exist of him as a child, and that these are the only copies.
I want to send the photos to him so his family can have them. I have an old address of his parents. However, I don't want to send them by post with my address on the back of the envelope because I do not want any contact from him or his parents, nor for them to know where I live or work.
I'm happily married and desire no further contact from him. If I send the pictures without a return address and they no longer live there, the pictures will be lost forever. It's important for me that his family have these photos. Please help.
Pamela, people love a mystery. If you send the photos anonymously, it may well induce someone to play private investigator.
It could also set off a series of unintended effects. Imagine your ex-boyfriend is recently divorced. The arrival of the photos will seem cosmic and spiritual. He'll think divine forces are drawing you back to him. Or if he has not been in touch with his parents, they may think the prodigal son is returning. Or they may even fear he's been kidnapped for ransom.
You cannot control other people's reactions, but you can minimize their effect on you, especially if you follow a straightforward course.
Send a note with the photos to the parents. Explain to them what you explained to us. Mention that now you are married, you realize the importance of keeping family photos in the family. Use the address of a third party, such as that of a friend in a different city or country, and mention the return address is that of another.
An Open Space
I am 48, attractive, active, the mother of a teenage boy and a small business owner. I feel I am responsible, have integrity and am fun to be with.
The problem is I have never met, though I have been married twice, the man who was meant to be my partner. I have settled each time out of loneliness. I tried to make it work each time as best I could, and really, if I had seen the effort being given in return, would have made a go of it.
But each time it was evident they were not what I hoped for, and yes, the responsibility to become involved was mine. Now I see clearly what I lacked and will never settle again. It just doesn't work! But now I believe I will never find it.
I am at an age where men want younger women, and I have truly never met someone I could totally respect. It is a void, no matter how busy or productive I am, I never stop feeling. How can someone rid themselves of this empty feeling? And please do not say be busy and make yourself happy. I do that and it is not working.
Evette, we cannot make the empty space in your life go away. The space is there for a reason, and you have twice learned it cannot be filled by just anyone. That space is there for the person who belongs there. That is where that person fits.
If you take your son fishing, you cannot guarantee he will catch a fish. But it could happen. He has put himself in the way of catching fish. It is possible.
If you are busy in the sense of busywork, you cannot expect anything to happen. But if you are busy in the sense of living, growing and enlarging yourself, you have put yourself in the way of this happening for you.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
7 Strategies To Make Room For Money
Laws of the Attraction notwithstanding, there are several external ways that you can make room for more money in your life.
A Life Time of Strategic Thinking
You may be one of the thousands who think "Strategic Thinking" applies only to the "captains" of business. But consider human stages of life and how Strategic Thinking is used at the most rudimentary level.
Shaping the Future with Positive People Power
We must shape the future and control our destiny.
Self-Validation: Living an Empowered Life
Sometimes we are concerned with being right and we don't stop to think that our comments or our actions might hurt another person's feelings.
All You Want is Within Your Reach
If there is one thing that I believe with all my heart it is that you canhave any life you choose to. You can live the life you have always dreamedof.
Be a Star in Your Own Life
Do you have the charactertics to be star in their own life?What characteristics below do you have or don't havealready? Give each item a rating from 1 to 10 with 10 beingyou have this charactertics 100%.
The Power of Inspiration
INSPIRATION can be a powerful thing. It can keep you going when all around you cries out "quit!" It is even more powerful than motivation,as motivation gives you your basic reasons to keepgoing--it tells you why you want to do what you do, because motivation is based on goals. These, in turn, may be based on necessity want or desire. But inspiration fills those reasons with hope, possibil-ity and enjoyment and keeps the "grind" from becomingtoo grindy. But just what does inspiration consist of? Iposit two elements: vision and mission. Proverbs29:18 says 'Where there is no vision, the peopleperish." A vision is the first step toward turningyour motivation into inspiration. A person with a vision sees down the road. He can sense what itwill be like six weeks, six months, a year, twoyears, five years and more ahead. But how do you get a vision?, you ask. Firstof all, you need to narrow your perspective. You can't attempt to "ride off in all directions at once,"so to speak. Try to decide what it is you arelooking for, so you'll know it when you see it.In other words, try to have in mind some generalgoals as to where you want to be six months a year,etc. from now. These goals will not only form thebasis of your motivation but should also serve to limit to an extent the scope of your activity. Next, try to locate and choose an opportunity(buisness, career or job) which you feel is right for you.This may be easier said then done, as there are many choiceswhich sound good. You may come upon an outstanding oneright away, purely by chance. If so, latch onto it. Butyou will probably have to pick several at first andstudy the things which each one offers and try to evaluate the potential of each one as you see it.Settle on the one which you feel has the mostpotential with the least amount of hassle (preferablyone that is totally Internet driven as opposed to one where you have to spend time calling potential prospects by phone). Once you have chosen your company, stand behindit in every way and don't quit or change your mind.B.C. Forbes said "Without loyalty, nothing can beaccomplished in any sphere..." Think of yourself as being in it for the long haul, no matter what. And try to envision, based on what you know, how things will be down the road. Keep that picture before yourmind, and never doubt. Napoleon Hill said "What themind can conceive and believe it can achieve,"and the Bible says, in Hebrews 11:1 "Faith isthe substance of things hoped for, the evidenceof things not seen." Once the vision is firmly implanted in your mind,let it become your driving force. Let the vision exciteyou with the possibility of its fulfillment and you willautomatically begin the next step--you are on a mission. Your mission is to bring about the realization of thevision. If you keep the vision in mind, you will moveforward in the mission, accomplishing enthusiasticallystep by step that which is necessary to bring the visioninto reality. You will have developed a sense of excite-ment, importance and urgency which will keep the fires ofinspiration burning in your heart and moving you ever onwardand upward.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 26, 2003
Sissys Show of Support
I had been fighting with the software program that I used to build my website. The software program had a bug in it and would occasionally anger the main brains of my computer. Without warning, my computer would lock the program shut and forbid me to enter the website's file. I never knew from day to day which time I saved the file and closed it would be the last time I'd be able to open it. It didn't happen very often, but when it happened, it was like the file no longer existed. My computer had put an invisible prison wall around it and I was no longer allowed to enter in and work within the file. I would have to recreate the website from scratch every time this happened.
Motivation and Inspiration: Illusions 101
Q: I was wondering if you could recommend any books on motivation and change that are fun to read and that aren't all rah rah, if you know what I mean. Could there even be such a thing as a book that's like a novel or short story that's about motivation?
Keep Hope Alive
"Hope is the thing with feathersThat perches in the soul,And sings the tune without the words,And never stops at all.." ~ Emily Dickinson
Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 29, 2003
Winning the Thought Battle
If you have read my articles or heard me speak, you know that I always comedown to action. We need to act if we are going to be successful!
Who Is Wallace Wattles and Why Is He One of My Mentors and Heroes?
Who is Wallace Wattles? Wallace D. Wattles died over 90 years ago so how can he be one of my mentors and heroes?
Energy Work Basics Part 2: What Lifts Your Spirit?
Remember, everything is made of energy. Each of us has an energy field. Our thoughts and emotions extend beyond our physical bodies and influence the people and spaces around us. The energy of thoughts and emotions hangs around in spaces after the people have left.
Neither A Borrower
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 4, 2002
Take Action and Make a Better World
Albert Einstein is quoted as having said, "the world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it".
One of the most undervalued blessings is God's will to make every individual a unique creation. It takes all kinds of people to do the great work of the Lord's kingdom, and it's a good thing that each of us has special talents, callings, and gifts to serve this purpose. Working together, we can accomplish great things. Unfortunately, the world doesn't value unique character. In fact, being different often translates to being misunderstood.
Top 10 Things That Make Life Worthwhile
Below are some of the things that, over the years, my clients have taught me about making life a wonderful adventure. You will, hopefully, have additions that uniquely enrich your life, and I hope you'll add them to this list and pass them along to others. In the meantime, I share this list with the hope that it will challenge you, and make your day more rewarding!
Fighting Grief: The Time To Show You Care
The news came as a shock to us all. He who had been ill for days had been taken to the hospital. It was found out that he had very high amount of creatinine in his blood, resulting from a stone in one of his kidneys.
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