The Road Not Taken
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 24, 2003
My husband cheated on me for maybe five years, and yes, I really had no idea. The person he cheated with is a policewoman on his job. She is married and her husband is a cop, too. To make a long story short, I found out about the affair and forgave him, but a few years later I realized it was still going on.
So out of anger, I called her husband and told him, plus I gave him the damaging proof. I also filed a complaint with her captain to keep her from calling my house. Now my husband is trying to save his good name with the department and avoiding contact with her husband.
She, on the other hand, hardly ever goes to work now. As for me, my husband is playing the "forgive me" role again. But this time I'm letting him believe things are okay with us. I decided to use him as my lover. I'm back at school full-time for my degree. I turn down nothing he offers. I ask for everything, and most of the time I get it.
I'm going places I only dreamed about, and I'm enjoying it for me, not for us! I am determined to be a better independent me, able to take care of myself. Hey, what he does for me, even if it's out of guilt, I deserve it and more. I am going to take it all, and in the end he will know what it is like to place your trust and belief in one person, only to have them walk out with no regrets.
This I am going to do cause it's all about me now. I forgot one more thing. I have been faithfully married to this man for almost 20 years. Tell me what you think of this.
Vivian, cheating changes everything about a relationship. It has made you into someone you never were. You are not the kind of woman to use a man and be selfish in a relationship. But you couldn't pull him to your path, so he pushed you to his.
When you first learned of his affair, you forgave your husband, but you didn't take action. That is why you are where you are now. He didn't suffer any consequences. Perhaps the only consequence that would have prevented you from being cheated on a second time was divorce.
A famous poem by Robert Frost says it is the road we pick "that has made all the difference." Had you chosen another road the first time, he might have stopped. Or he may never have stopped. But the consequences came too late for both of you.
Test Of Wills
My girlfriend is great. I really enjoy being with her, and she says we make a great couple. But here is the problem. We are coming from two very different places. She ended a three year relationship about a month before we started dating, and she has a nagging feeling she hasn't spent enough time on her own.
Were it not for the bad timing, she would have no reservations about forming a serious relationship with me. I can definitely understand where she is coming from. I've been trying to convey to her I have no problem if she spends more time away from me as long as that does not mean breaking up.
Matt, you can't take away someone's free will. Even though we might like to exert our will on another, if we had that right, what would prevent them from doing the same to us?
Why should your will override hers? Why can't you accept that if she has to be changed so you can have her or want her, she is not your person? It is freedom of will which makes love perfect with the right person.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Good Morning... Please...Thank-you!!
When I was a child, I remember that my parents instilled these words into my brain. At first, it seemed difficult to remember these 3 little phrases and I had to be constantly reminded of them. But soon they became an ingrained part of me, and my parents no longer had to remind me of when to use these words. They still remain a very large part of who I am. Some people say I am an extrovert, yet at times I know I am shy and can be an introvert (although my friends will find this hard to believe-ha!). So, if you are a shy person and you make these 3 phrases a constant part of your vocabulary---you will fool people into thinking you are an extrovert.
What is Passion?
What is passion? Recently after a presentation, I was once again thanked for my passion. The compliment was genuinely given, as was my returned thank you. However, as the day progressed, my thoughts kept returning to what really is passion? For the next several days as I attempted to ponder this question, other questions surfaced. What does it mean when one has passion? What separates people with passion and those without passion? Is passion always positive? Could passion be negative? Is there a relationship between passion and purpose? How does it fit me?
Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 29, 2003
Are You Really Living Your Life Today!
Yesterday I was but a child, looking. Looking ahead at a world of wonder. Everything was always ahead of me. All my dreams. All of my hopes. All my ambitions.
He Who Laughs...Lasts---Where Has All The Laughter Gone?
I love to watch people at airports, malls and evenat our church. I wonder, what got them here? Whatattracted those two people to be together at thistime? What makes that one tick or that one overthere work so hard? And sadly, I wonder where hasall the laughter gone?
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 22, 2003
If You Were an Angel... What Would You Do?
If you were an Angel what could you do to make a difference? What would you do? To some this is an overwhelming question. The first thought that would go through many minds is " What I do wouldn't make much of a difference ... I am only one person." Get past that! Remember ... the question is if you were an Angel. Angels can be everywhere, be all and do all as they are messengers of God.
Most people, when they have to complete a creative endeavour, often tend to wait for inspiration. It is not unusual to find, therefore, that most people take inordinately long to complete projects or never finish them at all. Look at the infinite number of people with half-finished first-drafts under their bed. This reveals a lack of understanding of how the mind and creativity work, for the best way to find a bucket-load of inspiration is to force it out.
The other day I found myself frustrated with the slow progress on my new project. Other people involved, subcontractors, just 'weren't getting it'. Why couldn't they just see what needed to be done and do it? Why was everything taking so long?
4 Abundant Ways To Add FIRE To Your Passion!
How many times have you found yourself dreaming youwere more passionate?
The Meaning of Life
Life ?.. Indeed is full of learning's, experiences, facts and lots of sad and happier moments full of love, emotions, affinity, dislikes. This four letter word can very well be described as:
Self-Validation: Living an Empowered Life
Sometimes we are concerned with being right and we don't stop to think that our comments or our actions might hurt another person's feelings.
Where You Can Find Sympathy
Ask any of my kids and they'll tell you immediately that you'll find it in the dictionary between "sh-" and "syphilis". Wasn't that absolutely cruel and unkind of me to instill in them a nearly total distain for the concept of "sympathy"? With so many individuals in the world suffering in so many ways, how could I possibly be so heartless? I am without a doubt, an uncaring, evil SOB!
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 5, 2003
The Power of Inner SELF
I am sharing one of the great insights.The fear that we have about venturing into anything new is our past memories and darkness. There is a way out to walk in the darkness. It's to seek active guidance from within and trust deeply that we are guided from within. The intensity and accuracy of the guidance dependence on our contact with inner teacher/leader/light. In fact the fear is nothing but fear of being alone. Some day, we deeply and experientially understand that we are not alone but intimately and moment to moment guided by the inner teacher. Seek to be guided and your trust will never be faltered, you got to remove the thought that you are alone.
Change is difficult for many people. Often times our whole identity is wrapped up in what we've learned as children will work for us when dealing with people, allowing us to survive, thrive and fit in. While some people have had to learn to thrive in the midst of change and learned to be adaptable by being open to new ideas and embracing change, many others have had to fight for survival and every table-scrap that came their way. Behavior is learned and it takes work to unlearn and dismantle these old beliefs.
The Nature of Anger
Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life by Kevin B. Burk
Entrepreneur and Mom
When I was 12 years old, I had surgery with complications. I was told there was a chance I would not be able to have children. Growing up I could not imagine my life without children and worried about it often. When I got married close to my 21st birthday, my husband and I hoped that we would be lucky enough to have children. Luckily, I found out I was pregnant almost a year later. However, soon after the great news, I got very sick. I was working full time at a corporate travel agency and I could not work. My doctor told me that I had to take care of myself or I would be at risk to lose my baby. My employer got very nasty with me and was not compassionate about my sickness. I almost lost my job, but my doctor was able to get me medical leave from the family leave act. The experience was horrible. I vowed to never have to choose between my career and the health of my baby. I began to look for ways to work from home. I tried Mary Kay Cosmetics but I was terrible at it. It didn't feel comfortable and I really had nothing to make me want to be successful.
Life Goes On
Boy, do I feel old. Or at least older.
Care And Maintenance Of The Human Hard Drive
The human brain is very much like a hard drive. If you stop to think of it, they are both filled with billions of tiny bits of information, stored in the memory cells just waiting to be accessed. They both use electrical energy to find those bits and put them together to recreate something that we have placed there. They work on demand, and we expect them to instantly give us what we want.
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