Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 5, 2003
I'm very disturbed these days, and if it continues, I might get mad soon. I am 28. I recently went to see my parents in India and met a girl for marital purposes. I got convinced by my parents and family she is a perfect match for me.
In an impulsive moment I said yes and got engaged. Very soon afterwards I realized I don't like her, and there are major compatibility and personality issues between us. Now my parents and her parents are pushing for marriage as soon as possible.
I tried to speak to them and the girl about all the things going on in my mind. From that moment on I was like a rebel in the family, and everyone is against me. They want me to marry this girl. I told the girl I want to call it off, but she doesn't agree to my theory.
I know deep inside me it's not going to work, but at the same time I love my parents and don't want to make things ugly. If we marry, I can see we will both live a miserable life as I won't be able to develop love for her, and it will end in a dreadful divorce.
Ajay, what a way to step into marriage! You thought you were going home for a family visit, and your parents thought they were planning the rest of your life. You don't like your prospective bride, and now you have to weigh why this decision does not belong to you.
In these circumstances many people cave in. In an odd twist of fate those forced into marriage often become defenders of arranged marriage, just as those hazed joining a fraternity enthusiastically haze new members.
You would like to find a reason which will silence all arguments on the other side, but the more you justify yourself, the more they will wear you down with counter arguments and "success stories." The problem with letting other people make decisions for us is that we, not they, have to live with the consequences.
The only thing they can't argue with is, "No." There is no appeal from a simple no. The worst thing your family can do is disown you. But they can only do that once. If you accede to their wishes now, they can use the hammer of disapproval over many other issues.
You have to decide what your life will be. That is part of growing up and becoming an adult. When you make your own decisions, good or bad, you will feel life is under your control. There is a sense of justice, a deep sense of fairness, in a life lived this way.
I met my downstairs neighbor on a Saturday morning a month ago when he complained about my loud music. He noted it's good music, but this particular day it was past his breaking point. I felt horrible, but I couldn't remember his face because I hadn't put my contacts in. I recall another time he banged on the ceiling at 1 a.m.
Last week we spoke again about neighborly ground rules. It was a comfortable and easy conversation. I wore my contacts, and yes, he is cute. He noted whenever I see his car in the driveway, he's home, except for next Thursday when he'll be at a game. Is this a hint to follow up on?
Torri, this is definitely a hint to follow up on, but the question is what is he hinting.
My guess is he thinks you are his annoying neighbor who plays her music too loud. If that's right, he wants the car in the driveway to be a warning to you to keep the music down and stop dancing on his head. But he could have other intentions. If so, they will soon be plain enough.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
You Are The One, There is No One Else
At the time I created my web site, I was looking for that one special person that would read something on my site or in my books or articles and become inspired. I was thinking it would move them forward to write or do something really great that would raise peoples consciousness and bring awareness into their lives. It was and still is my hope that I will inspire someone to do great things.
A Lifetime In Love
We let ourselves love but are afraid to say I love you.We constantly allow our emotions to run deep but why do we hold back on our sweet sensations and tingling feelings?
Most people like movies. Some, like me, are enthralled by them. I am sure that making a movie is a lot of work; but to me, it seems like it must be the most fun in the world. I especially love movies that I can get so caught up in that they become real; so real that I forget that I am watching a movie. I fantasize about becoming an actor/director in a movie that I have scripted.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 23, 2002
Life After Death: The Story of the Green Donkey
This is the true story of what Deepak Chopra would call a "Whopper". It is a story so touched with the hand of God it seems almost impossible to believe, and yet, there can be NO doubt for those of us who are believers that this really happened!
Fear, Faith, and Believing vs. Knowing
Fear is deeply rooted in uncertainty. Think about it; the only you've ever feared was the unknown. All fear and fears humans have experienced and continue to experience is rooted in uncertainty. A drive in an unfamiliar place can prompt fear, an unknown result, a stranger behind you, or a dark alley.
The Meaning of Life - Not Just Another Dust in the Wind Theory
I grew up in the south in the 1960's. Married when I was 18 and joined the Army when I was 23. I traveled to Germany then back to the states where I lived in Connecticut for a while and then Tennessee for 10 years. I am now living in Maine.
Silence means no voice input of any sort. What happens when there is silence? We cannot hear anything from the outside, but the voices inside are what we hear pretty clearly. We can hear ourselves. We can loudly hear to what we think and how we think, if we do.
Resistance to Change
All of us are resistant to change, whether it's in using a different tool, a technique a choice in partners, or lifestyle.
A Prison Cell?
Do you have a goal? A focus in life? Have you invested a great deal of time, effort, money to achieve and yet feel you haven't made it yet? For all your effort do you still feel that there is something missing in your life? It is obviously very important to set goals in your life. It gives you a focus a way forward a mechanism for making decisions when faced with a number of options. However, it can also be a prison cell.
What is Passion?
What is passion? Recently after a presentation, I was once again thanked for my passion. The compliment was genuinely given, as was my returned thank you. However, as the day progressed, my thoughts kept returning to what really is passion? For the next several days as I attempted to ponder this question, other questions surfaced. What does it mean when one has passion? What separates people with passion and those without passion? Is passion always positive? Could passion be negative? Is there a relationship between passion and purpose? How does it fit me?
If you walk up to a stranger in the grocery store and ask them to define "simple," as in "simple life," they'll probably say something like "having less stuff." Or they might hit you with a frozen turkey. But probably they'll associate simple with stuff.
The Memorable First Days!
The first few hours in this world, when we as babies drop out to mingle with the natural beauty and wonders, the first day in our life is the most important day of our life.
Dare To Dream
The rewards of life come to those who do, not to those whomerely read, talk or day dream. Action is the key.
Love the Opportunity
Somebody said you have to love what you do, but that's not necessarily true. What is true is that you have to love the opportunity. The opportunity to build life, future, health, success and fortune.
When Was the Last Time?
When was the last time you smiled at a stranger?
What in the World are You Doing?
Here is the typical life ? typical, though not everybody does it this way. But for the most part, lives generally go something like this:
The Amazing Destructive Power of Tradition
After more than thirty years of studying the Bible I can say with full assurance that Jesus Christ never contradicted himself. There is one instance where it would seem that he did but after careful examination I found that rather than a contradiction it ends up being more of an enigma.
Take Action and Make a Better World
Albert Einstein is quoted as having said, "the world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it".
What Footsie Taught Us!
We have just inherited a rag, tag and bobtail of a dog called 'Footsie'. She was found three weeks ago wandering around outside a local restaurant for a couple of days looking for food. Paula, a woman who takes responsibility for stray animals in this part of the island, took her in and started to look after her. She soon found that, Footsie has such a quiet, loving nature but is definitely not a 'looker'. She wouldn't win any awards at Crufts. Pure white coat, almost albino type eyes but a protruding bottom set of teeth which means she always has the canine tooth on the left and several of her other teeth showing. But, as we said, a lovely temperament. Very playful, loving and peaceful.
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