A Teller Of Tales
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 10, 2002
I told my daughter I didn't think my daughter-in-law paid enough attention to her oldest son, 8. He has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, is on Ritalin, and lately has been kicking and hitting little kids.
My daughter and I had a falling out, and she told my daughter-in-law what I said. My daughter-in-law was furious. I tried to explain that I did not call her a bad mother. Well, you can imagine what happened. We haven't spoken in a week. Do I let time take care of this, or do I send her the letter I wrote trying to explain myself?
I am very family oriented and, most of the time, pretty direct. Probably to a fault. My daughter and I are not speaking either, so at this point I am estranged from both girls, and my four grandsons. By the way, I am 57 and divorced.
Selma, you shouldn't be surprised by your daughter's actions. As she grew up, how many times did she watch you make statements about others when they were not around? This time the person not present happened to be you. You fashioned your own punishment.
The statement you made about your daughter-in-law accomplished nothing. It was nothing but criticism. It wasn't said to aid or assist. She is dealing with a difficult problem which medication helps but doesn't cure, and you offered no solution.
Now you are estranged from your daughter, daughter-in-law, their husbands, and your grandchildren. Is this what you want? Doesn't it indicate a need to look within yourself for a solution? Someday you may finally say something that an apology won't fix.
It is never too late to admit we have more to learn. If family is what you value, then redefine your role within the family. Your role is not to speak whatever thought crosses your mind. Your role is to love, care, and help. If what you are thinking doesn't do one of those three things, don't say it or do it.
It will be easier to get past this if the other family members believe you are going to make a true change. But if you apologize and don't change, that will make your apology worthless. The others will say, "She wasn't really sorry. She's at it again."
Revise the letter to your daughter-in-law, then send it. Strive to be the person admired by your family as the one they can trust to help them when possible, the one who maintains a confidence when she can't help, and the one who loves them always.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth said, "If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here beside me." It's a clever line, and criticism makes us feel superior to others, but there is always a price to be paid.
Wayne & Tamara
I'm 17 and have been going out with my girlfriend for five months. She has a lot of male friends, about eight close ones, and she is very outgoing. I completely trust her, but I get really mad when I see her talking to other guys.
My jealousy is tearing our relationship apart, and we're going to break up for a couple of days so she can think about things. I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I need help fast.
Steve, jealousy is about ownership and control, snooping and suspicion. It has nothing to do with love. You cannot get love by grasping too tightly. The only way you can get it is by giving another the opportunity and freedom to show they love you.
Jealousy puts a damper on a relationship from both directions. One grasps, the other wants to flee. Grasping accuses another of doing something wrong, and they will seek to escape. When someone loves you, a tight grasp is not required.
Wayne & Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
The Women At The Cross (Reflections On The Death And Resurrection Of Jesus)
The women at the cross. Have you ever thought about them?
The Most Famous Line I Never Wrote
There is one line that can dramatically impact your life and I want to share this quote with you but first let me explain...
Delay Can Reveal Doubts
Confident Expectation! The feeling of 'confidence' is the assurance that your desire IS on its way. And getting to that place where we have no doubt is one reason why there is often a delay in receiving what we know is coming. We need time to work through our doubt.
Today is Yesterdays Tomorrow
The problem with waiting until tomorrow is that when it finally arrives, it is called today. Today is yesterday's tomorrow. The question is what did we do with its opportunity? All too often we will waste tomorrow as we wasted yesterday, and as we are wasting today. All that could have been accomplished can easily elude us, despite our intentions, until we inevitably discover that the things that might have been have slipped from our embrace a single, unused day at a time.
Struggling With Addictions
What kind of bad habits do you struggle with? Most people think that when they come to Christ that their bad habits will magically disappear. And some church people act like if you have any bad habits in your life that you must not truly be saved, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Christians or not, we are all people, and people make mistakes. People have bad habits.
Abundance Is A Life Style
Abundance is a life style, a way of living your life. Itisn't something you buy now and then or pull down from thecupboard, dust off and use once or twice, and then return tothe cupboard.
Using Appreciation to Make a Difference
When in 1996 a local Secondary School opened, the staff decided to create a tradition to prepare Christmas Hampers for those in need. Each advisory class (of around 18 students G9-12) would adopt a family to help out. The students only know how many in the family, ages of the children, and whether they have any food allergies. Every year, 65 ?70 hampers are delivered to families. Inside each hamper is a note from the school principal wishing the family a Merry Christmas and a healthy and happy new year. It explains how the hamper was put together by the students and adds (I quote) " We hope that this hamper will bring you joy at this special time of year as it was put together with much love and care"
Get Out Of Your Own Way
One of the biggest obstacles to our self growth and personal development is.................ourselves!
Breaking Through Uncertainty - Welcoming Advertisty
We all question our ability at times. Uncertainty plagues us. It is even more intense if the ability we are questioning relates to something we have never tried or not succeeded at in the past.
Maybe Im Amazed at the Way you Love Me all the Time
In Corrogue I am amazed
My Mothers Garden
I love to talk about Purposeful Living with others and share how it's affected my life. But sometimes when I get to the part about doing what you need to do my listeners eyes glaze over and I know I've lost them. I get the response that it doesn't seem like much "fun" to find your purpose and do what you need to do. In fact, it sounds rather Calvinistic. It sounds like trudging uphill in the rain with your head down ? oblivious to your surroundings.
A Childs Plight
In the streets of Bogotá, a child - named Simon* - wanders amidst the crowd. He is a lonely soul, lost in the multitude, forgotten by humanity, rejected by his society.
The Seasons of Life, Part 1 of 5
Life is about constant, predictable patterns of change. For the six thousand years of recorded history, as humans have entered this world, received parental instruction, classroom instruction, and gathered the experience of life; many have set for themselves ambitious goals, and dreamed lofty dreams.
Trust the Lord and Go to The Hole
This is my new favorite quote. Now to understand it you must know what "go to the hole" means. Go to the hole is a basketball term for going forcefully to the basket to score a goal. It in essence means "Take it to 'em!"
Resistance to Change
All of us are resistant to change, whether it's in using a different tool, a technique a choice in partners, or lifestyle.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 20, 2003
Flashh! I Thought I Saw A Puddy Cat!
Have you ever had one of those flashes of inspiration? Have you ever just had one of those "knowings" down in the pit of your stomach? No, I don't mean after a big bowl of beans. That's not what I'm talking about. Ever had something flash across your mind and looked like a puddy cat? Read on and discover what it was.
Body Calling: Eye Sight Cured Naturally
Lorenzo C. an inspiring young teenager who fell to the inevitable statistics of a major automobile accident. A victim in the back seat of his family's car that had been involved in an accident and their car lost control and hit a tree, crushing down on Lorenzo's side of the vehicle and on Lorenzo. Rushed to emergency care Lorenzo survived but suffered severe eye damage. After many months in cosmetic reconstruction and surgery doctor's final diagnosis was poor, if not null and void. Lorenzo's father went to all levels of research and help to restore his son's eyesight, to no avail. Then one day the father ran into an old friend, Professional Golfer, Justin Morris, who suggested Lorenzo take vitamin nutritionals and supplementations and one specifically referred to as Visionex. Lorenzo began taking them with his meals daily as a regular course of action, pretty much auto-pilot.
Nuthin but Blue Skies
"Welcome to Canada," Ken shouted to me over the roar of the rain and thunder. A constant downpour kept the photography workshop indoors. We slipped out during a break in the clouds, but as soon as we set up our tripods, a thunderstorm swept in out of nowhere and sent us scurrying back down the mountain trail to our cars. Since I signed on for this tour of the Canadian Rockies, everything had gone right.
Adversity, What Is It Good For?
As I sat down to write this article, I was reflecting back over the last week ? a week filled with adversity. We all go through it and it is during those times that we may often wonder what is it all for anyway? What is the point? What is it good for?
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