Put To The Sword
Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 23, 2002
My girlfriend has an aggressive sense of humor. She teases and likes to parry put-downs. She says it is all in fun, and it is very important that she can joke with her partner. She thinks I am thin-skinned and overly sensitive.
Indeed I know I am sensitive, but this is a vicious circle which makes me more and more sensitive. No doubt this kind of dialogue is very common amongst some people. I witness it almost daily with friends or certain colleagues.
To me there are limits and obviously my limits are different than hers. I'm working on being less sensitive, but the only way to do that is to numb myself, which doesn't give her the participation she wants. She says she will try to do it less, but it always comes back.
I do not think she believes there is a problem on her side. She's said she wants this in a relationship, and if I can't handle it, maybe we aren't right for each other. Other parts of our relationship are great, but I don't understand why a clearly negative behavior is so important, especially for an intelligent person.
Albert, your girlfriend is good at swordplay, but she can't fence by herself. She wants you to play so she can feel good about herself. She has a fondness for something hurtful. That says more about her character than you realize.
There is a difference between humor and wit. Humor puts us in the same boat as the other person, while wit throws us out of the boat and into the water with the sharks. That is why humorists are often loved, while wits are often quoted but seldom loved.
Your girlfriend is a wit. She is not too thick-skinned to realize she hurts others. Most likely she simply doesn't care. Making you wince is part of her nature. Look for a girlfriend who wants to row the boat with you, not feed you to the fishes.
Love And Money
I have been in a relationship for two years. Early on my boyfriend became angry about picking up the tab, even though I offered many times and he turned me down. We worked through that and I try to be aware of equality.
Recently we were driving to a party for a coworker. I also consider her a friend. My boyfriend drove, as he always turns down my invitation to drive. In route to the party he glanced down at me programming my mobile phone, and we heard a big bump. The car had hit something.
We could not determine what it was and thought perhaps he had scraped a mailbox close to the road. Later we realized that a deer hit the car. Two days later he was parked and someone backed into the other side of his car.
He took the car in and his insurance company is making him pay the deductible of $250. My dilemma is that he thinks I should pay half because we were going to my friend's party. I am appalled. What do you think?
Cammie, when most people read "A Christmas Carol," they identify with someone who feels the joy of the season, like Bob Cratchit. Your boyfriend identifies with Ebenezer Scrooge.
In Dickens' tale, the Ghost of Christmas Past shows Scrooge how he lost his chance for love. Scrooge sees the woman who once promised herself to him saying, "Another idol has replaced me?a golden one." Your boyfriend's miserly approach to love may lead him to the same fate.
Driving carries a responsibility which cannot be assigned to another, and with a second accident, chances are your boyfriend would still be out the deductible. The measure of love is generosity, and yet there is a paradox. In a successful relationship each party should feel they receive more than they give.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
What is it that stops you from jumping off a 5 story building, is it the fear of falling, the sudden stop at the bottom or knowing that you cannot fly?
Van Morrison, Spiritual Rock Star
Here I am gazing on the Web for extraordinary witnesses of enlightenment yet very popular in the entertainment realm, so that at least everybody that read newagenotebook.com could say "hey, I've seen or heard that person!" As my research focuses randomly on any performer from our time, some pages choose to cite the art of singer Van Morrison.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 22, 2003
Dont Die With Your Dreams Still Inside You
I write and talk a lot about dreams. Primarily because I know we serve an awesome and amazing God, who gave us dreams for an awesome and amazing purpose. We all have a dream to do something great, go somewhere incredible, achieve the unachievable, beat the unbeatable or meet the "unmeetable." Unfortunately, more often than not, most dreams remain unrealized; silenced by fear and doubt. What's needed is a renaissance to recapture the spirit and belief we once had as children. We need to remind ourselves in all that we desire to be, have and do... "I can, if I believe I can." My aim is to inspire as many people as possible to passionately pursue and do their dreams. Revitalize your dreams. Start today. Don't just dream; dream BIG dreams! Put them in your heart, then put them on the wall, refrigerator, mirror ... wherever you'll see them often. Remind yourself you are more than worthy of everything your heart ever imagined. Believe, then diligently commit to a plan to achieve.Resolve to live a life that ends the way you want it to; and don't you dare, I say don't you dare... die with your dreams still inside you.
Searching for the Meaning of Life!
Are you looking for the meaning of life?
Stop Trying to be Perfect
In the moment of completing a thought or action, it becomes "perfect," within our ability to do it. Any process is perfect, in relationship to what it created. In your sojourn in this world you are in a state of perfection trying to get to a place of perfection. Taking the first step on your journey is just as perfect as taking the 100th step or the 1000th. You do not have to try to be perfect, you are perfection in motion.
Where Has All the ENCHANTMENT Gone? Long Time Passing
I thought you might enjoy reading a professional article I prepared several years ago. It is just as current today and really speaks to a tragedy in our health care system that we must all try to combat. I am trying to explain some of the problems of managed care which penetrate much more deeply than out pocketbooks. These problems penetrate our minds, bodies and spirits! I am eager to hear from you, as always.
My Passion, My Life
Every morning I excitedly get out of bed. Just a few minutes of goals and visions for the day swirl in my head. No lingering for me, no alarm, no wishful notes too. Just me in my night gown with no hat.
Brilliance in Balance
"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Today is Yesterdays Tomorrow
The problem with waiting until tomorrow is that when it finally arrives, it is called today. Today is yesterday's tomorrow. The question is what did we do with its opportunity? All too often we will waste tomorrow as we wasted yesterday, and as we are wasting today. All that could have been accomplished can easily elude us, despite our intentions, until we inevitably discover that the things that might have been have slipped from our embrace a single, unused day at a time.
Are You Tired of Being Stuck?
All you want is a little more.
Resistance to Change
All of us are resistant to change, whether it's in using a different tool, a technique a choice in partners, or lifestyle.
Go Where No Man Or Woman Has Gone Before
"It`s life Jim but not as we know it."-Spock
When Was the Last Time?
When was the last time you smiled at a stranger?
Look Out Any Window
Over my extended Thanksgiving weekend I took some time to look through my telescope at the moon. I saw the full moon rising in the east-northeast and thought it would be a good night for a look, so I set up my Meade reflecting telescope in the kitchen and aimed it toward the window.
Fulfilling Your Dreams: The Magic Of Starting
Fulfilling your dreams will remain a mirage if you simply sit down and dream on.
A Rush Home to Rapture
Riding a rush, being juiced, flying high-this is the feeling we strive for every day.
Quest for Freedom--A Story Of Pure Courage
The Nazis stormed into the house of Stanislavsky Lech, who was Jewish, herded the entire family out at gunpoint, packed them into an overcrowded train, filled with the stench of death and despair, and sent them to Krakow.
A Plan Of Attack
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 28, 2002
How to Guarantee a GREAT Day Every Day!
I have a standing interview every Monday morning on a radio station in thesoutheast that I enjoy very much. You can imagine though that it can becomeroutine. So to make it a little more fun, the host nowadays doesn't eventell me the topic before we go live on the air - that puts some excitementinto it!
|© Athifea Distribution LLC - 2013|