Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 20, 2003
I am 32 and a mom with two children. I've pretty much been single for two years. My problem is I found myself falling for my son's teacher. I never saw a ring on his finger, so last school year I made every attempt to visit my son's school as often as I could.
Eventually I took the chicken's way out and e-mailed this man and told him how I felt. He replied that he was flattered, we can remain friends, and he is my child's teacher. I e-mailed back saying I didn't know what I was doing and was not sure how uncomfortable things would be. He said it would be fine, no feelings hurt.
Once again he is teaching my child, and I still feel the same way. He is such a great man, so dedicated to the kids in his class. He is the man I want to get to know better. I have only seen him once this school year, but we often talk on the phone, though always about my son.
We get along so well and laugh like it is natural. Whether he is just being nice, I don't know. After this year he will no longer be my child's teacher. Is there any way for me to find out if he'd like to continue talking? I'm hoping for more. I've been hurt in the past, but with him it just feels so different, so right.
Anya, if you expect to have the right to say no and you want that listened to and respected, then you have to know he has the same right. He said no. When you get a no, you move on.
If your lottery ticket is one number off, it doesn't matter. As much as you would like it to be a winner, the numbers don't match and you don't have the winning ticket. There is no sense dwelling on it. Badgering him will make it less likely he will want to talk with you at all.
There is one great positive in this. You have come in contact with a good man with the characteristics you've been looking for. He has given you a model for what you want. You want a man who makes you feel like this one.
This teacher is teaching you a lesson. He has been patient with you. Show him that you have learned. As Thomas Carruthers said, "A teacher is one who makes himself progressively unnecessary."
Wayne & Tamara
To begin with, I'm 60 years of age. My male friend is younger, but we knew each other from our school days. It's one of those things. We always liked each other's style and wanted to get next to each other. Sex is wonderful, but he has another woman he has relations with, and we all live in the same building.
I tried to stop our little fling, but he was sad and I was sad so we're back together. However, I can't deal with the other woman. I don't want to be by myself. I want a man, and of course he is the one I want. Am I being foolish or what?
Jorie, you want him to stop seeing the other woman, but she may want you to do the same. You are playing a waiting game trying to outlast each other.
You can't accept that you have an unfaithful male, but you can't battle every woman willing to have sex with him. The one person you can affect is him. You can do that by withdrawing your affections.
If he really likes your style and wants to be next to you, he can make that choice. If he doesn't, you will stop wasting time on the wrong man for you. You have the power to cut his sex life in half.
Wayne & Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Ask the Angels - Get Specific !
There are Angels for everything and they are just waiting for us to ask for their help. They can't help if we don't ask.
The Thief of Fulfillment
Why does this happen?
Trouble, trouble, trouble. Nothing but trouble. The night before, I was just talking to a friend-cum-feng-shui master about the direction of my life. The horrible things that are currently going in my life right now. The things that could go wrong, is going to go wrong or has gone wrong. I spent a total of 3 hours complaining, ranting and raving about how unfair life is and how come others who are close to me or my husband can afford luxurious lifestyles. How come they have 2 family cars and we have to share 1 car. How come they can afford to have four computers for the four family members of their home. The youngest being barely 3 have her own computer at all ? like she's got tons of work to do on her own and absolutely needs her own computer, you know what I mean? I was just ranting and raving about how my kids have to fight with me for the computer ? me rushing things out for my clients and my kids sitting right next to me, waiting for me to finish with the consistent but patient enquiries like, 'Mom, are you done yet?' or 'Have you made enough money yet?'.
Lisa was born into a loving Christian family and went through life knowing of The Lord and his supreme sacrifice. She was accustomed to Amazing Grace each Sunday and saying grace before meals. Lisa knew of the birth of baby Jesus; that worshippers came from far and wide bearing gifts. After all this was no ordinary birth.
Thoughts on Loving
Loving. It seems like such a simple concept. But those who have mastered the act of loving are close to non existent. I'm not so much talking about the love between a husband and a wife, a father and a son, or the love between two friends?I'm talking about love in a more general sense. The love that isn't concerned with what it will get in return, for there can be no expectations with this type of love. I'm talking about the love of mankind, the love of people?merely because they are God's, and they deserve to be acknowledged in such a way. The love that I believe Jesus possessed as he walked from town to town, meeting strangers, touching lepers, noticing the unnoticed.
Overcoming Fear of Terrorism
This week I did a radical thing. I bought a newspaper.
The Most Important Investment You Can Make For Your Old Age - And No, Its Not Money!
When I was twenty-two, I was befriended by a woman named Doris who was thirty years older than I was. Although Doris was then a fifty-two year old woman, she did not feel it was inappropriate to befriend me. She did not operate with the social belief that she should choose her friends only from people her own age. We became very close friends and remained so until her death at the age of eight-two.
" The fountain of content must spring up in the mind,and he who hath so little knowledge of human nature asto seek happiness by changing anything but his owndisposition, will waste his life in fruitless effortsand multiply the grief he purposes to remove." ?Samuel Johnson
The Fuel for Creative Vigor
Writing a book or creating a killer headline requires a special blend of imagination, inspiration, and knowledge. Whether the ordeal is like enduring a root canal or soaring on a cloud, depends on how upbeat you are. The fuel of creative vigor is enthusiasm.
Accept Every Invitation
How often do you decline an invitation because you have something else you would rather do? Or you're not crazy about the person asking you to join? Or you're not interested in that type of event? Or you feel like doing nothing? ...
A Rush Home to Rapture
Riding a rush, being juiced, flying high-this is the feeling we strive for every day.
A Brick Wall
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 18, 2003
Go Where No Man Or Woman Has Gone Before
"It`s life Jim but not as we know it."-Spock
Listening to Your Inner Voice May Save Your Life
"I was washing my breakfast dishes one morning when it occurred to me to go visit a friend who lived several miles away. I did my work and started to dress for my journey, when there came over me such a feeling of depression, or despondency, or gloom, that I could not understand. I kept on getting ready, all the time trying to reason away the feeling. But it would not go. Finally, I got my hat on and one glove and started for the door, when such a heaviness came over me that I turned back into my room and sat down saying, 'God, I want to know what the meaning is of all this?' The answer came loud, strong, and firm, 'Stay at home.' I stayed, and taking off my hat, gloves and cape I felt so light I seemed to walk on air. At the time I supposed the voice (I call it voice for want of a more definite term) had told me to stay at home because someone was coming to me for help. This was my first year as a teacher and healer. But not a soul came that day, nor that night, and the thought flitted through my mind that perhaps it was all nonsense after all and I might as well have gone.
Anamchara - Living An Essential Life
What is essential in your life? This question contains one of the most important words an question can address. This is the word "essence." To know your "essence" is to live the mystery of life rather than the illusion of "your life."
Re-Define Realistic: True Power Series
This is the eighth article in our "True Power" series. If you haven't been following the series, visit TheARTrepreneur.com to read the foundational material on beliefs before continuing.
Abused as a Child
Child abuse is a much more common event, than is usually expressed in public. I recently attended an event, where people were asked to discuss their darkest secrets. Out of the thirty or so women in the room, nearly two thirds expressed their darkest secret as, being about child abuse and two had had terminations, created by a family member.
From The Ashes
The man plopped down on his chair, defeated.
You know kids, one of the things I've learned by letting more people know what's going on inside my head is that once you do people expect you to live up to what you've put out there. I've sort of learned on the fly here that using this knowledge as a burr under the saddle that is my life accelerates my growth. Where I used to piddle (piddle's a FUN word to say...) around on things that I was working on internally and hadn't publicly disclosed, it's become clear to me that if I make it wide spread knowledge that ‚??this is an area I'm working on getting better in‚??, you guys and girls let me know when I've missed the mark.
Do You Have a Vision?
You must absolutely have a vision, or a dream, for your life.Your dream is what will cause you to jump out of bed in the morning instead of waking up with anxiety or dread for the day ahead.
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