Just Moved -- and Miserable!
Q. Help! I moved from the Dallas to Denver. I keep writing my friends back in Dallas, but they won't answer. Aren't they rude?
Your feelings are typical. Most people need a minimum of two years before they feel at home in a new community.
Your old friends view you in a new light. You're "that lucky person who moved to Denver." If you've retired or changed jobs, your new lifestyle will signal an even sharper break. A few especially close friends may remain in touch for awhile, but you can't anticipate the same closeness you enjoyed in Dallas.
Rather than bombarding old friends with requests for letters, I advise newcomers to embark on creative projects that will enhance their personal growth.
Don't join groups just to meet people. Instead, explore the new community on your own. Choose activities and groups that will be fun even if you don't find friends there.
Lonely people can seek friendship in the wrong places with the wrong people. Your boss, coworkers and new neighbors are not your friends, at least not yet.
Keep your game face until you know who can be trusted. The friendly folks at the PTA may be your boss's in-laws or your neighbor's golf buddy.
Lonely people do dumb things. They make mistakes. Sometimes they give in to the urge to quit a job, when a few more months would have turned things around.
If you're truly miserable, you may have to take drastic steps - even move again. If you become severely depressed and stop moving, see a therapist.Read Making the Big Move for suggestions.
What to do? Go slow. Call a close friend or relative you trust. Call a coach. Talk to a counselor. Long distance bills and session fees will add up, but not as much as losing a job.
And who knows? In six months you might be running for mayor and recruiting your old buddies to come move here. The Moving Lady will not be surprised. She's seen it all.
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About The Author
Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D., is an author, speaker and career/business consultant, helping midlife professionals take their First step to a Second Career. http://www.cathygoodwin.com.
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Stress Management and Mastery: 5 Tips for Positive Anger Management
A grandfather, whose grandson came to him angry at a schoolmate who had done him an injustice, said,
Adventures in Relieving Stress
Whether we are at work, traveling, or at home, we've all had bad days. Those stressful times can be difficult, but important, to shake. Your mental, emotional, and physical health depends on you to find ways to relax and regain equilibrium. I'm going to be sharing some practices that you can do to help throw off that stress and reclaim your Happy Self in no time!
The Three Rs of Handling Your Emotions
My son was watching a Richard Scarry video this morning as I was doing my usual rushing around, getting ready to leave the house. He's watched it countless times, but I've never managed to sit through the entire thing. This morning one song caught my attention, "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands", which I sang many many times as a child in Sunday School, and always followed with "If you're happy and you know it, then your life will surely show it ..." In the version I heard this morning, the first verse was followed by "If you're angry and you know it, stomp your feet", which made me pause a moment. I muttered to my husband, "Since when do kids need to be taught to stomp their feet when they're angry?"
Coping as a Tool of Enchantment
Many of my readers write to me about the tensions of everyday life. Not only do people wonder how to relax, but people often ask, "How do I learn to better cope with what faces me? Can THE ENCHANTED SELF help with the overwhelming frenzy of everyday life? Can it help when I am really down or something really goes wrong?" Absolutely!
Stress Buster Tip: Relax From The Weekday Stack!
Everyday can be full of stress but we all deserve a break from life's daily deadlines. Whether you're at home or work we all need to take the time to unwind. Dealing with stress through simple relaxation exercises is a very effective and rewarding approach. I've put together a brief outline of some "Stress Busters" that can help you relax from the stressors we encounter everyday of every week.
Are YOU Controlling Stress So Stress Does Not Control YOU?
Have you recently moved or started a new job? Do you feel you have too much to do and not enough time to do them? Do you worry about your financial situation? Do you worry about your future? Do you feel your efforts at work or at home go unappreciated?
Haris Stress Inventory
Conceptualizing stress: Stress often has a negative connotation. Failure, illnesses, distress are often marked as stress. Stress can also be a result of factors like job promotion, transfers, first love and the like.
Stress Managment and Mastery: How to Beat Too Many Hats Syndrome
"One day I'm a mother, One day I'm a lover, What am I supposed to do? Workin' for a livin' All because I'm driven ... Why do I have to wear So many things on my head?"
Stress Secrets: How To Remove Hidden Sources Of Stress
Most people find it easy to identify the sources of stress in their lives. Ask Maggie M. about the stress in her life and she says, "I run a full time business and have an active toddler. My husband's job keeps him working 10 hours days, so I do most of the errands. I know exactly where stress comes from!" But many people find that even in times of great happiness, they find themselves feeling anxious, depressed or flat-out stressed. One possible cause of these feelings is invisible stressors, for example:
Why Stress Management Programmes Don?t Work
Why Stress Management programmes don't work?
Make a Handbag - Discover Inner Peace and Stress Reduction
Have you ever considered sewing a handbag as an act of meditation or as a way to get in touch with your self and reduce stress? Let's look at the process In order to see the connection to inner peace.
Busy Fish: Tips for Changing Your Day from Chaos to Calm
Syndicated columnist Dale Dauten recently wrote, "One of life's great joys that we've lost is that of the empty day, a day given over to quiet, to reading and contemplation. Our planners and PDAs give the illusion of importance and of being in control." A beautiful statement but what Dale doesn't acknowledge is that we've become such slaves to busyness and mental stimulation that spending "a day given over to quite" would drive most of us mad! It would be nothing short of a drug detox.
How Stressed-Out Are YOU?
Are you feeling stressed out? Too many things to do, too little time? One more thing added to the To-Do list and you feel like you'll explode?
How Stress Effects Neurotransmitters
The brain uses feel-good transmitters called endorphins when managing daily stress. When the brain requires larger amounts of endorphins to handle increased stress, the ratio of many of the other transmitters, one to another, becomes upset creating a chemical imbalance. We begin to feel stress more acutely -- a sense of urgency and anxiety creates even more stress. As a result, harmful chemicals are released in our bodies that may do damage, causing more stress. This vicious cycle is called the "stress cycle." Emotional fatigue might result and be experienced and felt as depression.
Stress Management: KYFM - Keep Your Feet Moving
One of my favorite stories about change is the story called ``The Room of 10,000 Monsters.''
Conquering Stress and Depression with Exercise
One of the best ways to combat stress and depression is to make physical fitness a part of your daily routine. Aside from the proven health benefits of exercise, people who exercise regularly are more apt to deal with stressful situations more easily, handle physical work tasks better, and tend to be less susceptible to illness and injuries.
6 Ways to Release Stress
We are currently living in a capitalist society where money and power rule. Therefore, many of us have become workaholics and often overlook signs of tiredness in order to stay on track. I am not saying that people should stop working hard to achieve their goals. However, there is a slight problem we do not know how to manage our stress, which is definitely not a good thing! Stress has been linked to mental/emotional (depression, anxiety, and anger) and physical illnesses (weakens the immune system). Therefore, it is more than important that you constantly work on reducing your stress level in order to maintain your overall health. The bottom line is, if we are not healthy there is no money or power that will make things better. So, take care of yourself. Below, I have added six stress releasing tips.
Overcoming Stress: Successful Living The Easy Way
So many of us live a stressful life. Unfortunately, when we are unable to take the time that we all need to nurture ourselves we fall victim to self?pity, depression, or burn-out.
100 Ways to Reduce Stress
Don't let stress wear you down. Next time you are feeling stressed, step back from the situation and try one of the following tips to take control of the situation and de-stress:
Is Your Workplace Suffering from Contagious Stress?
We wonder how many of you might recognise this scenario? Although it happened with a male manager, it could apply to men or women. The manager we worked with had been promoted to a more senior role and was experiencing demands from all sides. He became increasingly tired, was working long hours and spending less time with his family. His overall energy dropped, anxiety levels increased, sleep was disrupted and concentration and focus diminished. He no longer took time to exercise, found himself snatching meals of dubious quality and kept himself going with constant fixes of coffee and Red Bull. Apart from the impact on him ? what do you think were the effects on his family and the people who worked for and with him?
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