Stress Management and Mastery: 5 Tips for Positive Anger Management
A grandfather, whose grandson came to him angry at a schoolmate who had done him an injustice, said,
"I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those who have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down and doesn't hurt your enemy. It's like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die.
"I have struggled with these feelings many times," he continued. "It is as if there are two wolves inside me: One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and doesn't take offense when no offense was intended. He will fight only when it is right to do so and in the right way. But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The smallest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."
The boy looked intently into his grandfather's eyes and asked
"Which one wins?"
The grandfather solemnly replied
"The one I feed."
Anger is human
Anger is a naturally ocurring emotion that in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing. It's what we do with our anger that makes the difference.
We can either feed it and make it worse, or we can work with it and handle it in a way that makes healthy sense. It's always a choice. .
How to feed anger
Play the blame game.
Finding, placing and dramatizing blame is one of the greatest sources of creating and feeding anger. Blame talks like this,
"It's someone else's fault. He should not have done it, and I must make him pay for it."
One of the many downsides of this is that the blame game takes so much time and energy, leaving you with little for the rest of your life.
Play the enflame game.
Once you are angry, you have two choices: Defuse your anger or enflame it. The danger with enflaming your anger is that it quickly becomes a habit and you forget it's a choice.
Enflaming requires nurturing anger by running the injustice over and over in your mind. Another way to do this is to tell as many people as you can about how you feel until you get a number of folks on your side. They become assistant enflamers.
Blaming and enflaming fit dangerously well. The more you blame, the more enflamed you become. The more enflamed you become, the more you find to blame.
How to feed healthy feelings
Play the diffuse game.
Pausing to ask yourself a few questions helps reduce anger. For example: How much do I enjoy this feeling? How strongly do I want to feel this anger? How long do I want to feel it?
Anger can prevent us from thinking. Pausing long enough to answer these questions allows you to re-engage your brain and decide how you want to handle your anger.
Accept that not everything in life can or needs to be set right.
Many times when we try to set things right, we just muck it up that much more. Sometimes we just have to release it and move on. Treat it like the dust it is, shake it off your shoes and walk on into the rest of your life.
For more tips and tools for managing anger visit Tools for Successful Living
Stress Managment and Mastery: 6 Stress Busting Tips
In a hectic world, it's all too easy to reach the point of feeling stressed out beyond our ability to cope. Yet it's our ability to cope that makes all the difference. The point is that stress is not going to go away; it's here to stay.
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Through Stress Comes Kindness
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My son was watching a Richard Scarry video this morning as I was doing my usual rushing around, getting ready to leave the house. He's watched it countless times, but I've never managed to sit through the entire thing. This morning one song caught my attention, "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands", which I sang many many times as a child in Sunday School, and always followed with "If you're happy and you know it, then your life will surely show it ..." In the version I heard this morning, the first verse was followed by "If you're angry and you know it, stomp your feet", which made me pause a moment. I muttered to my husband, "Since when do kids need to be taught to stomp their feet when they're angry?"
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Stress and Time Management
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Deceiving? You bet they are. How? Without your even knowing it, the effects of anger, frustration, and resentment can take a toll on your life. Chances are, it's happening right now. But most people are not - no, correction, do not want to be intuitive enough to figure out what's going on. The reason? It takes a certain amount of self study - it may sound a bit ludicrous, but the truth is the vast majority of people don't want to take a good hard look at theire inner selves. It's unfortunate, too, because the reward for doing so are fantastic, it's inexplainable. There is nothing like self honesty - when you really decide to know the real you, you've taken a serious step. After the decision must come action.
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Today's workplace produces plenty of stress. Life's little hassles mount up until you say to yourself, "If one more thing goes wrong today, I'll explode." Don't reach for the aspirin bottle, try these stress management tips.
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To combat modern day stressors, you need to realize that things are going to go the way they are going to go, so you may as well just relax. The most important thing you can do for yourself is to practice extreme self-care which means putting your own needs first. We have had it backwards for far too long, taking care of yourself first is not selfish, it is essential. Invest in yourself in all areas of your life, to include: personal services, massage therapy, body workers, counselors/coaches.Develop daily rituals that keep you feeling good. You must take care of yourself first or you will be no good to anyone else. Self-care is simply loving and honoring yourself. Loving yourself is giving to yourself. Giving to yourself allows you to share with others more fully. Being more fully present means you naturally develop less of an attachment to what goes on around you, and can instead be more relaxed and at peace. Releasing the need to control yourself, other people, and/or situations, will greatly reduce the amount of stress you experience in your life. Also helpful is relaxing, refreshing, and rejuvenating your body, mind and spirit.
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Make stress less of an issue for you in your work and life, by trying out one or more of these ideas - the list is not exhaustive! Seek out more and share!
Journal Your Stress Away
Writing down our thoughts and feelings, as in keeping a journal or diary, is a proven method to relieve stress and improve well being. The expression achieved through writing in a journal on a regular basis, or during times of high stress, helps to clarify and focus what we are actually feeling and experiencing. Putting down on paper what we are frustrated about, worried and concerned with, helps us to begin to understand in a clearer, more concise manner, what we are going through. That understanding can help us to realize what actions we can then take to work through the stress.
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