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Because of You

You are to me my lifelinemy security.That scares me.I never wanted to trust again that muchI got hurt too badly the last time.I swore I'd never do it again,never let the trust out of my handsinto someone elses.

And yet I've done itand now I'm afraidof what you will do with it,of what I'll do because of it.

My first instinct is, as always,to run, to hide,to protect myselffrom the hurt I know will come.I don't know when or how,just that it will, sometime.

I wanted to protect myselfto build the walls around mebut you wouldn't let me.You smashed bricks as I put them in placeyou refused to let me shut myself in,so now what?Where do I go now?I feel lost,defenceless,my hiding place is no more.

My walls are brokenand I'm now afraid to rebuild the wallsafraid I won't see you if I door anyone elseand I'm not sure if that's really what I want to do.

AT times it is.I want to shut myself away and hide,and yet I want to be out,to mixto talkto share.And I blame youfor not letting me before shaking me upfor refusing to let me retreat.

And yet I know that if I were not readyyou could not have reached meno one could.I would have protected myself betterI wouldn't have riskedor grown.

I want to curse you and thank youat the same time.I want to laugh with delightat the things I've seenand found with youand cry in despair for what will not be.

You have opened me to bewhat, I'm not yet surebut I know that I am strongerbecause of youbraver, because of youmore, because of you.

Fran Watson"Expert Author"http://www.franwatson.cahttp://www.mormunny4u.org

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