Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 16, 2002
Two years ago I made the greatest mistake of my life. I started dating a coworker. She is this beautiful young girl that totally captivated my world when I met her.
As time went by I realized we have almost nothing in common, including music, food, sports, movies, and outdoor activities, to name just a few. Worst of all, there is no passion between us.
Furthermore, I do not feel welcomed at her house, and I don't fit within her circle of friends for two reasons. I'm seven years older and come from South America. Although I learned to speak English, I have difficulties saying what's on my mind, and when I mispronounce a word, I become the clown of the crowd.
When I mention how we aren't meant for each other, she becomes very emotional and begs me not to finish it. You may wonder, what's the big deal, just break it up if it's not working. I don't find that easy. We not only work in the same place, but she sits next to me.
I have the kind of job that comes only once in a lifetime. It would be hard to quit, but it would be hard to break up and see each other unless I quit. She is a wonderful girl, but we aren't meant for each other. It hurts me more than anything when she asks if I love her and I lie through my teeth. What a mess, eh?
Javier, you have nothing in common, there is no spark between you, and her friends belittle you. That is the reality. She wants the relationship to continue. That is unreality. An ancient prayer says "lead me from the unreal to the real." That statement applies to everything, including relationships.
The relationship you two have is not a job relationship. It is a personal relationship. You don't need to give up your job over this, but if you don't act, what happens will come back to haunt you. Accept that there will be some discomfort at work for awhile.
Your letter reminds us of so many others. One man told us he just needed a date to a fraternity party. He inched toward marriage with a woman he didn't love, and they created two children. A woman recounted how she begged her mom, when her suitor called, "Tell him I'm not here!" They married and had four children.
Each marriage ended in divorce. Each divorce was initiated by the person who wanted the marriage. Realize that a person who prolongs a relationship you don't want, will leave the relationship when they no longer want it. That is the path you are on.
Wayne and Tamara
The First Step
If a guy sees or knows a girl he fancies, and if he is a bit shy in asking her out, is there any other way he could do it?
Paul, inaction turns things into monsters when they are not. Vacillation, fantasy and worry immobilize us, but doing a thing resolves a thing.
Each day millions of guys ask girls out. Sometimes the girl says yes, sometimes no. Either way, the world keeps turning. The playing field is more level than you realize. You may be hesitant to ask, but girls often feel stuck, waiting to be asked.
We are never guaranteed the end result. We won't know what will happen until we act. That's life. Part of getting the job is going to the interview. Part of scoring the goal is taking the field. Part of getting the girl is asking the girl.
You could send flowers and a note, but why not be direct? Clean your slate and move forward. You're not asking for a kidney or a pint of blood, just a date. Taking action sets you on the path to success, whether this particular girl says yes or no.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Nurture Your Heart
Pregnant with her first child, Jill could barely contain her excitement over the dreams and hopes she cherished for her unborn baby, whom she had already named Mara (she was so sure it was a girl). She practiced the lullabies she would sing as she nursed Mara close to her breast. She imagined how Mara's eyes would light up on Christmas mornings. She dreamt of Mara's first day at school, her first date, and her college graduation. She even imagined how Mara might look in her wedding gown.
I Hate My Computer and Other Inspirational Thoughts
The New Year has not started out very well for Yours Truly. After the first day of the new year, my life went south for the rest of the winter. All I can say is, I hope it has a wonderful winter, and don't forget to write.
Forgotten Dreams: At the End... Part I
Treasures of a lifetime...
A Perfect World in the Making
The world is perfect the way it is. The world is a reflection of the thoughts of its inhabitants. The world is a perfect reflection in physical form of those thoughts.
Lock In Your Legacy
You, my friend, are going to die.
Those of you, who can fathom yourselves welcoming and enjoying a big, major change in your life right now, raise your hands! When I say, change, it might be a good change and it might be a bad change. Either way, we all don't know what that change is going to be like, what aspect of our lives is going to change and we might not even be happy with it.
You Dont Find All Drunks in the Gutter: The Story of a Functional Alcoholic!
Today, August 22, 2005, I am clean and sober for eight years which simply means today I am still an alcoholic and on this day I will choose not to pick up a drink. If you look at me today and compared my appearance to eight years ago you probably would not notice much difference (with the exception of a few more wrinkles). Back then I had a pretty high-powered job with a good salary and was working towards my master's degree. Today I work as an administrator for a church and I am developing a life and leadership coaching practice. I am not attending school I am teaching at a local college as an adjunct professor. My life is probably just as hectic now as it was eight years ago. So the question is besides not picking up a drink what is the difference between then and now?
Borne Upon the Wings of Words
How often do you have opportunities every day to exercise your power of communication--encouraging a coworker, appreciating a spouse, guiding a child?
A Pickup Line
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 11, 2002
Giving It Your Best - The William Hung American Idol Success Story
Never underestimate the power that comes from following your passion. It never ceases to amaze me what can happen when we put action to work for us and go after the things that we hold a true desire for. I'm not sure if you are familiar with the story of William Hung (www.williamhung.net) or not.
Anamchara - Living An Essential Life
What is essential in your life? This question contains one of the most important words an question can address. This is the word "essence." To know your "essence" is to live the mystery of life rather than the illusion of "your life."
Brilliant Autumn: Reaping a Bounteous Harvest
"But if in your thought you must measure time intoseasons, let each season encircle all the other seasons, And let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing." - Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931)
The Art of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a critical element in becoming self actualized and fully loving. Forgiving is the process by which you let go of feeling victimized or having wronged others. It allows you to climb out of the dark well of anger, bitterness, or guilt into which you can easily fall.
Caring in My Sisters Way: A Lesson On Judgement
Last summer, I had an acute case of bronchitis. I was downright bummed. Summer for me meant sun, sand, sea?a gazillion trips to the mall or to my friends' houses, or to another province. I was supposed to exhaust every excess fat on my calves, thighs and belly to hours and hours of fun. Instead I was stuck in the house, stuck with bronchitis.
Learn to Deal in Challenges
(Excerpted from the 2004 Jim Rohn Weekend Leadership Event)
The Meaning of Life - Not Just Another Dust in the Wind Theory
I grew up in the south in the 1960's. Married when I was 18 and joined the Army when I was 23. I traveled to Germany then back to the states where I lived in Connecticut for a while and then Tennessee for 10 years. I am now living in Maine.
Discover Your Passion
What are you passionate about? We didn't ask if you are passionate. But what are you passionate about? What stirs your emotions? What is it you can't stop talking about whenever someone asks: "What are you passionate about?" What's the fire in your belly? What really turns you on? What do you love doing most?
Your Support Network
Quick. Who's in your support network? Huh? What's a support network? Do I have a support network? Honey, who's in my support network?
Building Bridges, Not Walls!
Only twenty years ago, people would casually stroll the neibourhood, stop and chat with each other or walk down the street and greet you cordially. Nowadays people walk at a very fast pace and for the most part just walk past you looking at the ground lost in their own thoughts. It seems less people will say hello to a stranger.
Words Of Wisdom
Carlos' Words of Wisdom
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