Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 6, 2003
What can a couple say and do when they have been late in getting wedding thank yous out to people? We have been married two years, with two separations among other serious challenges, and finally want to send cards.
At the same time we are embarrassed about our difficulties in marriage and getting out the cards. One of the problems is my wife's response when I asked if she would like to do this project together. She told me we have more important things to work on and even said, "They are mostly your friends. You can do them yourself!"
The cards are only the tip of the iceberg as far as our problems go. I wish I could hear some kind of answer from her like, "Yes, honey, why don't we?" Part of me feels like doing them myself and signing my name only because I thought wives were supposed to take care of this.
Ladd, the new year is a time for new beginnings. Do it! Get enough stamps, write the cards all at once, and mail them before you lose your nerve. Nearly everyone appreciates a heartfelt apology, and during the holiday season nearly everyone is in a good mood.
Spend a few moments to rough out the message. A thank you coupled with a simple statement of regret for waiting so long is enough. You might say better late than never, or you might mention you've often thought of their gift and realized they haven't been thanked. If you remember what they gave, mention it. If not, don't worry about it. Use whatever expression comes naturally.
You never have to apologize for your own marital challenges. They are your business and no one else's. Don't worry about how people will take your thank you notes. Almost everyone will think well of you for having the courage to act.
This issue is bothering you. Evidently it doesn't bother your wife. Since the doing is to satisfy you, her participation is not required. Don't let the little negative voice within you make you fail to act just because she is unwilling to act.
Sign both names to the cards. The gift givers are not part of that problem. The point is to thank them. Once you get past this burden, you can look at other problems in your relationship. Perhaps this is your inner nature saying, With a little effort I can solve the problems which are weighing on me.
Wayne & Tamara
Terms Of Endearment
Without typing a page on how faithful I am, let me just say I love my wife very much. However, I am not sure if she has feelings for another man. In three years of marriage this thought never occurred to me before.
Recently we moved and transferred jobs. We both work long hours. Whenever I called her at work or she called me, she always called me honey or anything but my first name. Since we've been together it's always been this way when we talk on the telephone. Until now. Now she calls me Stan when a certain male coworker of hers is near.
I guess the reason I realized this is because it sounded so strange to hear. I am not the jealous type but this has me wondering. Am I reading too much into this? I have not noticed any other change in her whatsoever.
Stan, next time you talk to your wife at work and she calls you by name, try this. Tell her you are feeling the need for a little reassurance. Ask her to tell you she loves you, and ask her, for your peace of mind, to call you darling.
If she refuses or jokes her way out of your request, tell her when she gets home you would like to discuss something that's been on your mind.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
The Nature of Anger
Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life by Kevin B. Burk
Just One Person We All Need
I understand that all the self made people of this world, be it:
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 23, 2003
Believe In Yourself
Diana is a wonderful person with a great personality and a lot of talent. Anybody who knows her can easily see the talents that she possesses. Everybody, that is, except Diana.
Fail Your Way To The Top
Have you had a challenging day or week? Feel a little tired or discouraged with a current situation? Ready to throw in the towel and quit something?
" The fountain of content must spring up in the mind,and he who hath so little knowledge of human nature asto seek happiness by changing anything but his owndisposition, will waste his life in fruitless effortsand multiply the grief he purposes to remove." ?Samuel Johnson
More Than I Can Bare
One of my long time best friends called me the other night with a horrible pain in her heart. She needed someone to talk to. Rumor had it her daughter might be suicidal and she was trapped on a business trip until the next evening. Her husband was home handling the situation, but she wasn't going to be okay until she could hold her daughter close. She needed to look deep into her daughter's eyes to get a 'read' on what was really going on inside her mind. Until she could really sit down and talk to her daughter, she could at least pick my brain as to what to do. We talked a bit about when we were seventeen, and I tried to commit suicide. Now, all these years later, what could I say to my friend or to her daughter to make it all better?
In the Eyes of a Child
It was way past 10:00 pm when I came home from a grueling day of schoolwork and extracurricular activities. The wind was rustling about overhead as I paced through the door of our humble abode. I moved towards the nearest couch and plumped myself to rest. Defeat and exhaustion filled my frame as I laid back against the soft cushions. But then I remembered our Hematology project which was due the next day. Galvanized, I scrambled off my feet and immediately headed towards the personal computer situated on the other side of the room. Just then, my little brother Michael dashed out of his room and came straight at me. He was holding a pen on his right hand and a piece of paper on the other.
Are We Ever Really Alone?
A new twist on a familiar quote - Chances are you've heard the term "If it's to be, it's up to me!" I happen to like this quote, the only thing about it is the more life experiences I pick up the more I tend to realize that it's actually only true to a degree.
Create 10 Delightful Daily Habits
Practising extreme self-care in our life involves practising good "daily" habits.Daily habits involve more than just exercising and eating right. They include all the things that bring us enjoyment and delight.
Hitler and the Tsunami
In Catholic school the nuns used to tell us that we should love everyone as we loved Jesus. We didn't have to like them but we had to love them. I used to argue this and my trump card was always Hitler. How could I love him and, by the way, why would I want to be a part of any religion which said I had to?
Dread Disease Dragged Out My Best
In denial, I was slow to accept Multiple Sclerosis. Who, after all, would embrace a diagnosis of the dread disease of no known cause, and for which there was no cure?
Anam Chara - Living A Life Of Value
Much of our lives we spend comparing what "me" has with what "you" has. Usually this is to the detriment of "me." We take our values from the world of the visible and ignore the values of the invisible. We build our sense of self on the sifting sands of fortune.
Your James Bond Fantasies Become Real
The problem with this is that fantasies usually don't come by chance. You have to plan them yourself. This seems to kill the very idea of a natural fantasy because you have to deal with the mundane realities of the arrangements.
The Minds Fancy Dress Party -Or- A Brainstorming Session
In Berlin a restaurant opens for anorexics and in Buffalo a lawyer with a stutter wins a court case. When everything you're working on has gone STALE and your own initially promising concepts are starting to annoy you, you need a brainstorming session to get to the missing bits or generate some new ideas.
How To Deal With Shyness
Although shyness can be overcome, there is a fair chance that certain aspects of your shyness will remain a part of you for life. This is not something to worry about for there are many ways to deal with shyness. Here are a few tips to keep in mind:
The Fighting Father
This man is an Anglican priest but with a difference. You would not want to offend him put it that way. His online ministry helps to serve the community of street youth homeless/drug-addicted/criminal in a very unique way - by teaching them how to fight for starters. At the end of this article I will leave you with Father Dave's Top 10 of why we need to teach our youngsters boxing in order to make them less violent...What does it conjur in your mind when you think Anglican priest? Maybe a religious person? An old man pontificating whilst shrouded by church incense? Or perhaps a born-again Christian jumping about singing 'Praise the Lord on high' and speaking in tongues amidst wails and shrieks of people being moved by the Spirit 'Toronto blessing style.'Let me tell you that though he wears a dog-collar this man is no weakling. Father dave Smith is the minister of Holy Trinity Dulwich Hill in Sydney, Australia. From his own bio:"My mother died while I was still 16. It was the same day that I bought my first leather jacket. By this stage I'd developed a rather passionate attraction to the 'Sex Pistols' and to the nihilism of the British Punk scene. With my leather jacket and metal studs though I modelled my persona more on Dee Dee Ramone of the American punk group 'The Ramones'."We often neglect our spirituality. You can sign up for Father Dave's free affiliates only newsletter here A WARRIOR FORUM EXCLUSIVE:http://www.fightshop.biz/ezGaffurl.php?offer=samuk1000&pid=ezineFather Dave is the ex-champion of Hapkido worldwide.Now what is the difference between Father Dave and most other persons who use the internet as a shop or store. For one, just check out Dave's shop here and listen to the message. It's honest, frank and you won't get a much better browse on the internet. Only the best on the web here folks.http://www.fightshop.biz/ezGaffurl.php?offer=samuk1000&pid=0Here's what some others have been saying about Father Dave, friends:"He's as comfortable punching as he is preaching - which is just as well for the hundreds of teenagers this fighting father figure has saved from a life on the streets."Greg McLean (Aussie Post)"This nuggety minister has seen life from both sides of the tracks."Steve Lacey (Sydney Morning Herald)"Dave is a man of wonderful vision and never misses an opportunity to help others where he can ... I count myself fortunate to know him personally and to have him as a driving force in my Council area."Barry Cotter (Mayor of Marrickville)"I go to the man. I go to The Man's man. I go to the street, to the edge of the breakdown. I go to a man of God who wouid rather see kids throwing punches than punching heroin into their veins. Anglican priest Father Dave Smith"Jeff Wells (Daily Telegraph)"Father Dave is gifted in providing the young with a sense of purpose."Councillor Dimitrios Thanos (Marrickville Council)"fists of steel, a kick like a mule, the head of a fox and a heart of gold"Ross Willis (Western Suburbs Courier)Father Dave also has two digital products available. One, 'Sex, the Ring and the Eucharist' was in the Amazon Top 500 on the day of release. I urge you to check these out. The second is an inspirational original from the forefather's of America. This is just what our spirit's need. Let Father Dave welcome you. You can even watch him in the ring if you wish. Hee are the links to Father Dave's webpages:'Sex, the Ring and the Eucharist'http://www.fightshop.biz/ezGaffurl.php?offer=samuk1000&pid=1U.S. Civil War ebook libraryhttp://www.fightshop.biz/ezGaffurl.php?offer=samuk1000&pid=3At the beginning I promised you Father Dave's Top 10 reasons for teaching our youngsters boxing. Here they are:When young people are in a disciplined training routine they have no time to cause troubleEven when they have the time, they are too tired to cause trouble after a solid night's trainingYoung people learn to work happily in a structured environment which has positive effects at schoolIn the boxing gym they learn to accept authorityThrough competitive fighting, young people learn to set goals for their livesThrough developing their physical capabilities young people develop greater self-esteemThe training routine teaches them self-disciplineThrough learning to control their response when they are hit, young people develop self-controlBoxing training is very cathartic for persons carrying a lot of emotional baggage or angerWhen a young person joins a gym they join a new peer group of persons not involved in drugs or criminal activitiesTHIS IS A SAM BEATSON ORIGINAL. I DO COPY'S AND ORIGINAL HYPNOTIC SALES LETTERS FOR THOSE INTERESTED...GENERAL TO CONVERT YOUR PRODUCT AND BONUSES INTO A HYPNOTIC PITCH WILL COST YOU JUST $19.97 VIA PAYPAL email me if you interested in tweaking your letters to make people feel really good about your product before jumping on the wagon full and making that firstname.lastname@example.org
One Woman?s Story of How Her Smile Increased Her Confidence
For one who takes pride in being involved with different community organizations, possessing a high level of confidence is essential. Especially when that involvement includes speaking to large and small groups requesting donations for numerous non-profit organizations.
In Search For Wealth
My eldest son phoned me the other night to let me know that he and his partner was going to have a baby. When I got the news, I was more excited then he was. He seems to be in a state of shock trying to come to grips with the can of worms that had just opened.
Trust the Lord and Go to The Hole
This is my new favorite quote. Now to understand it you must know what "go to the hole" means. Go to the hole is a basketball term for going forcefully to the basket to score a goal. It in essence means "Take it to 'em!"
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