Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 17, 2003
I'm at my wit's end. My wife of 20 years is leaving me. She said she is sick of me always talking at her. She says she doesn't care about money or anything else as long as she can get away from me. I pleaded with her to stay and she stayed one night in the spare room, but she refused to talk further.
Next day I returned home from work to an empty house with no idea where anybody was. I was so upset my wife was not home preparing a meal for our teenagers, I went to the restaurant where she works. I am ashamed to say I created more than one scene in more than one place. I am now barred from the restaurant.
I'm struggling on my own at home trying for the first time in my life to cook and look after my children, who expect everything to be as their mother did it. I think my daughter understands, but my son is na´ve. He thinks we can wave a magic wand and make everything right again. How I wish he was right. I even thought about suicide.
Glenn, in old Hollywood movies there was a scene where a girl would fly into hysterics and the male lead would slap her to bring her to her senses. That's where you are now. You are in the "I can't believe this is happening" nightmare.
Everything seems unreal, and you don't know what to do next. But you have an ally. Your ally is time. Mavis Hetherington did the largest study of divorce in the United States. In her book "For Better or For Worse," she says, "Things will probably get worse over the course of this first year, then improve radically."
Life is so precious you can't consider hurting yourself because that is the most crippling thing you could do to your children. Beyond that, the greatest harm you could do to yourself is not to let your life unfold.
Move through this with fresh eyes. Your life is not falling apart. It is changing. With change comes the possibility of finding the joy and satisfaction and love which were not present in your marriage.
The way you feel today is not the way you will feel tomorrow, next week, or next month. Take care of your children. This can be the beginning of the life you were meant to live.
My husband and I have agreed to divorce, and both of us are still in the family home. He is a retired government attorney. I am a real estate agent.
Like all real estate agents, my income is very hit or miss. We have his pension and our property investment coming in on a monthly basis. I don't trust my husband to be up front about all our assets. He incorporated with partners, and he's always kept our real estate investments and business very much to himself.
I am sure you have heard all this before, but I would like not to be in the poor house when this is over. Just fair would be the best.
Charlotte, when you deal with other people, it's best to act in accordance with who they are. If you are dealing with a kind person who always thinks of others, you act one way. If you are dealing with someone selfish and secretive, you act another. It doesn't matter that you once shared a bed.
In olden days a man-of-war would fire a shot across the bow of another ship as a signal to stop, so they could have a chat. There is no reason why your divorce should be acrimonious, but you need a lawyer to represent your best interests. He can fire a shot across your husband's bow, so the two of them can stop for a chat.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
A Time To Awake
What has become of your fondest dreams?
Make Life Work: Repair the Relationship with Yourself
What areas of your life are working well? Career? Finances?
The HUGE Deposit of Diamond in You
Something happened to me some years back that is worthy is sharing with everybody all over the world. When I started running my business, things were very tough for me to the point that I could hardly afford to have a dime on me. One of those days, I was at home and very hungry with no hope of seeing anything to munch. I tried to force myself to sleep, but I could only succeed for just thirty minutes! I was so hungry that I just couldn't have time for my favorite past time, reading.
Good Morning... Please...Thank-you!!
When I was a child, I remember that my parents instilled these words into my brain. At first, it seemed difficult to remember these 3 little phrases and I had to be constantly reminded of them. But soon they became an ingrained part of me, and my parents no longer had to remind me of when to use these words. They still remain a very large part of who I am. Some people say I am an extrovert, yet at times I know I am shy and can be an introvert (although my friends will find this hard to believe-ha!). So, if you are a shy person and you make these 3 phrases a constant part of your vocabulary---you will fool people into thinking you are an extrovert.
How To Turn Your Life Around FAST!
There is nothing more important than feeling good.
Take Out Time -- To Just Be Thankful
While sitting here tonight, watching the conclusion of "There Are No Children Here," my heart pulsated as I heard a little innocent boy say, "When I wake up in the morning, I feel good that God gave me another chance to stay alive." This statement as innocent as it was, was true to him because of where he lived, and the lethal possibilities that he faced daily of being killed by someone's bullet.
Wherever You Are, Be There
One of the major reasons why we fail to find happiness or to create unique lifestyle is because we have not yet mastered the art of being.
Patience - The Antidote for Stress
Why is it so difficult to hold steadfast to a commitment to the very thing we desire? I'm sure you've had the experience of challenging your client with something to do, or to be, in service of moving them closer to their heart's desire. As you reconvene again and again, you note that the client can't seem to stay committed to the steps that will realize their dreams. Certainly the age-old response is fear--but perhaps there is more going on.
I stepped up to the edge and looked down. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath... and jumped in head first.
Inspiring Values of Unforgettable Teachers
All of us recall special teachers - people who not only taught us but inspired us in ways that changed our lives. William Arthur Ward once said, "The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires." Here are five life-changing values inspired by unforgettable teachers.
Life is what happens to you, while you are making other plans. ( John Lennon )
Even the Smallest Sound
You are probably in front of your computer screen at this very moment, reading every word I have written.
Believe In Yourself
Diana is a wonderful person with a great personality and a lot of talent. Anybody who knows her can easily see the talents that she possesses. Everybody, that is, except Diana.
Dreams Do Come True
Experience has made a lot of folks to consider dreams to be fantasies, unattainable, galaxies away from reality.
Doing the Remarkable
When it comes to meeting and conquering the negativity in your life, here is a key question: what can you do, starting today, that will make a difference? What can you do during economic chaos? What can you do when everything has gone wrong? What can you do when you've run out of money, when you don't feel well and it's all gone sour? What can you do?
When Failure is a Gift
I wanted, for many many years, to be a mystery writer. Finally I wrote a mystery novel. I got a best-selling novelist to be my mentor and help me with the rewrite. I got an agent. They sent the book out. And sent it out. And sent it out. And it went nowhere.
There Is Always Room For Improvement
When I was twelve my parents bought me a five foot snooker table for my birthday. This turned out to be the best present I was ever bought and I quickly became hooked on the game. My friends would regularly come round to my house for a game and when they were not there I would practice on my own.
The Angels on My Path
I'm leaving on a TV tour in a few weeks. I'm going to be on the road. This is my second one and I'll visit TV news stations all over the country talking about the HOTTEST Baby shower gifts for the season. Let me tell you about my last tour and the miracle that happened:
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 24, 2004
A Prison Cell?
Do you have a goal? A focus in life? Have you invested a great deal of time, effort, money to achieve and yet feel you haven't made it yet? For all your effort do you still feel that there is something missing in your life? It is obviously very important to set goals in your life. It gives you a focus a way forward a mechanism for making decisions when faced with a number of options. However, it can also be a prison cell.
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