In Tall Grass
My best friend, Ryan, told me last night he got his girlfriend, Rebecca, pregnant. He is 22 and she is 20. He told me he was probably going to marry her "because that is what I should do." Let me give you a little background.
Ryan knew this girl back in high school and met up with her again four months ago. She had just gotten out of a year-long relationship a week before. Despite that fact, they promptly started sleeping together. Within a month they had a pregnancy scare because she refused to use any form of birth control. She said it "messed with her system."
And he believed her! I told him she was full of it, and he needed to at least wear a condom because having a baby at this time in his life would be a disaster. Well, he didn't listen. When he informed me I was going to become an "aunt," I asked him if birth control was involved. He said it got pointless to use any.
I asked if he was in love with her. He said the "in love" part would come along later. Argh!!! I love and care for my best friend, but I have never in my life met such a clueless and gullible guy! He always dates women who manipulate and use him! I am so disappointed.
She does not have a job, skips out on her cosmetology classes, expects her parents to pay for everything she wants, and to top it off, she is very cold. You know how when you're around someone, and you can literally feel they are heartless? Well, that's Rebecca.
She's in his life regardless because of the baby, but he doesn't have to marry her to be a good father. I told him if he was not in love he had no business marrying because it would be mocking the entire institution.
The few times I've been around her, she literally pushes Ryan away when he tries to be affectionate, and puts him down in front of everyone. I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and even though he drives me nuts sometimes, I would never put him down due to one thing. We love each other. There is no love between this couple.
It's my belief she has done the classic move of trapping him. Ryan has never felt very manly. He's the baby in his family, and now he has a chance to prove to the world he is grown up! This girl saw all that and fed off those facts. He got trapped, he knew it was going to happen, and he let it happen. His stupidity is beyond me!
Ryan appreciates that I am not a beat-around-the-bush person. If I have something to say, I'll say it, though I make it diplomatic and tactful. Should I go along with this and keep my mouth shut? Or should I tell him what I think and hope he doesn't make the biggest mistake of his life?
Liz, in Stephen King's novel "From A Buick 8" a character says, "We never go forward believing we are going to fail, do we? No. We do it because we think we are going to save the day, and six times out of ten we step on the business end of a rake hidden in the high grass, and up comes the handle, and whammo, right between the eyes."
You want to know if you should say anything. Of course, you should. To do otherwise would put a big honking lie in the middle of your relationship. Tell him not with the expectation he will change, because that's unlikely, but so he understands where you are coming from. You care about him and don't want to see him hurt.
If your friendship can't survive honesty, then it shouldn't survive.
Wayne & Tamara
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 13, 2004
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 10, 2003
Body Acceptance: The Secret to Weight Loss Success
Can we love our bodies? As the years go by, each decade brings new and unexpected changes. We move from adolescence to young adulthood. For some, the transition is into motherhood. Most of us eventually enter into maturity and beyond. Our bodies are affected by stress, environment, sadness, and other emotions. Some bodies are affected by illness or disease. Other bodies are shaped by the after effects of emotional eating, starvation, or compulsive exercise. Is it possible to make peace and love our bodies?
Adversity to Victory
The following is a true story about a young friend who lives in St. Louis.
The Day I First Believed
I was eight years old, over four decades ago and I remember this event as though it was yesterday. It was a beautiful but cold and blistering winter day in the city of Detroit. Snow was falling moderately, but the wind was ferocious. My siblings and I were engage in some play activity when I was suddenly summoned by my mother and told to go to the store to purchase a loaf of bread and a few other items. Begrudgingly, I took the five dollar bill, dressed in my insulated snow suit and left for the store which was about six blocks away.
Night of the Living Dead
For many people, life has become as dull and despairing as death. We suffer from spiritual inertia. We have allowed ourselves to be paralyzed by shallow beliefs and shackled by the strong chains of discouragement. We have permitted the sacred and holy to be eclipsed by the secular and profane. Hearts that were once gay have suddenly become heavy. Men who were once optimistic have become pessimistic. Many who were once willing to greet tomorrow with a cheer, now regard the future with nervous anxiety.
A Brick Wall
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 18, 2003
Those of you, who can fathom yourselves welcoming and enjoying a big, major change in your life right now, raise your hands! When I say, change, it might be a good change and it might be a bad change. Either way, we all don't know what that change is going to be like, what aspect of our lives is going to change and we might not even be happy with it.
Food for Thought
We all love picnics. They represent a fun time as we prepare the food, the entertainment and the guest list. I think that the main idea behind picnics is the eating! Everyone usually brings some kind of a special treat that we all like to sample and sometimes in excess. We are left feeling overly full and tired. Forget the volley ball for a while and it's not good to go swimming after eating, so let's just lay here for awhile and rest. Our bodies will digest all this and maintain the essential vitamins and proteins and minerals and everything else turns to fat, or gets wasted. It's a good thing that we dispose of this because we'd blow up otherwise. But in all this eating, it's possible to be starving for another food. I'm talking about spiritual food.
Put To The Sword
Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 23, 2002
Life Goes On
Boy, do I feel old. Or at least older.
The Ant Philosophy
Over the years I've been teaching kids about a simple but powerful concept - the ant philosophy.
One of the most undervalued blessings is God's will to make every individual a unique creation. It takes all kinds of people to do the great work of the Lord's kingdom, and it's a good thing that each of us has special talents, callings, and gifts to serve this purpose. Working together, we can accomplish great things. Unfortunately, the world doesn't value unique character. In fact, being different often translates to being misunderstood.
Life is a Mystery...or is it?
Being the last of three daughters, I was a suprise to my parents who were being very cautious about not having any more children. At the age of 30 my mother found out she was expecting her third child, and not very happy about it at that. All my life growing up I was constantly reminded how I was not planned for and consequently not really wanted. But thank goodness I was a good baby and actually turned out to be the best thing that ever came along. But, having this thought in the back of my head, it kind of formed the way I grew up. I actually believed that I was a "mistake" and therefore should not have been born in the first place. Where do misfits fit in? I know that my mother did not mean to instill these thoughts in me but they did have a major role in my self confidence.
FEAR Don?t Let it Control You!
Fear. What is it? Can you touch it? Can you hold it? Can you show it to another person? I can almost hear you from where I am sitting. No, no, no. Okay then, so you can't touch it, you can't hold it, and you can't show it to another person. The question then is, why? Why do we have fear? Fear is nothing more than an emotion or a feeling that we hold in our mind. We fear either the emotional or physical pain something may cause. The problem is, these emotions and feeling affect the way we live our lives. We fear doing certain things because we think we might fail. This may be due to past failures we have actually experienced or it may be due to failures we fear we might experience.
Quitting Before It Even Starts
Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touch down. --Ross Perot
Call To Action
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 3, 2003
And How Do We Feel This Morning?
Without question, going to the hospital is teamwork from the time you arrive until you are wheeled out the front door. Everyone is working together for the common good of the patient, or at least a crack at his bank account. That is as it should be in such mercenary endeavors.
Inspiration From Other People - Is It Worth Listening To A Film Star?
Yesterday, I listened to an interview with Michael York, the film star. I listened half-heartedly at first and then with fascination. By the end of the conversation I had discovered at least one inspiring truth i.e. It is well worth listening to other people without prejudging what they can teach you.
Favorite Quotations... What Do They Say About Us?
Have you stopped to think what your favorite quotes aresaying about you and your life experiences?
Borne Upon the Wings of Words
How often do you have opportunities every day to exercise your power of communication--encouraging a coworker, appreciating a spouse, guiding a child?
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