Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 19, 2003
I'm currently in the classic older man and younger woman relationship. I'm 50 years old, Nancy is 30, and we are both divorced. I was not looking for anyone when Nancy came into my life. She is beautiful and sweet, and I absolutely adore her.
I could think of a million reasons why it doesn't make sense to have a relationship with a younger woman. But she doesn't feel that way at all. So why am I writing? At this juncture in my life I simply can't see this relationship in the long term.
I have told Nancy not to waste time with someone like me; I have far less life to live than she does. She insists I have plenty of time left, though I cannot see where this could possibly go and be good for both of us. Am I simply sounding like some insecure, middle-aged idiot, or should I enjoy what we have and see where it leads?
Simon, if you know something in your own heart that prevents this, or if there is an issue you haven't resolved, such as having children, that's one thing. But if it's simply the idea of the years, the years don't matter.
To suggest the difference in age is the problem implies being close in age would guarantee success. But that is not true. Almost half the couples in the United States divorce, and most of them are close in age.
It is love that is the center of everything, not the number of years since your birth. It is love which creates alignment and balance between two people. What matters is that you love each other and belong together. In addition, there is no guarantee Nancy will outlive you.
Being an insecure, middle-aged idiot is no fun, so we suggest that you enjoy what you have and see where it leads.
Wayne & Tamara
My story is like most others. All the signs were there, but for some reason I wanted to believe the lies.
My former boyfriend met his ex-wife behind my back. I also suspected an affair with his boss. That thought nagged me. So one night when he was away I looked up her address and drove there. Lo and behold! His car was parked in her driveway at four in the morning. He said he left it there for convenience while he went out with friends for the night.
I guess the question you get most is why. But I don't want to know why he did these things, but why did I stay with someone who would cheat on me? Why would I want to believe the lies so much I went against my own logic?
Tiffany, if you are less than 70 years old, you have been raised all your life to believe we can make any relationship work with the right amount of hard work, compromise, and communication. That is what the "experts" claim. It isn't true.
The end result of believing every relationship can be worked on and worked through is there aren't any warning signs anymore. It is like saying since medical people can effectively treat burns, you no longer need to remove your hand from a hot stove.
You wanted a loving, monogamous relationship. That is who you are. He wanted to play the field and be intimate with whoever he wanted. That is who he is. Neither of you had the ability or the right to change the other. You tried to apply what you desired in a relationship, and what the "experts" claim is possible, to the man you had. It didn't work.
At the time you couldn't see there could be someone else for you who would be loving and monogamous. That is where you needed to go because no one has the power to change the behavior of another.
Wayne & Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
A Feline Example On Courage
Fangs. Killer claws. Hisses, grrrs...and later, yelps. Who is notfamiliar with cat-dog combats? It's a "hair-raising" party of limbs and tails and yes, the loser sheds most of the fur- mostly, the cat.
I call myself semi-retired. I work at a job that takes up 5 hours of my day, 5 days a week. I go home and I lock myself in my office and I work on the computer for 5-6 hours a day. I try and break up my routine by doing household chores in between times when I become brain dead. On the weekend I go out for breakfast and cruise the mall, check out some book stores and go shopping.
It is hard to capture the synchronicity of this next post. I can only assure you that I was working on integrating these things for this book and this post from a healer came through in answer to my directed thought or intent-ional request. Intent is a vital element of magical operations. Here is my response to this post I believe helped me integrate these thoughts.
The Final Frontier
When all that you have done has not brought you what you truly desire, isn't it about time to move out of the box ask questions and make changes?
Fear, Faith, and Believing vs. Knowing
Fear is deeply rooted in uncertainty. Think about it; the only you've ever feared was the unknown. All fear and fears humans have experienced and continue to experience is rooted in uncertainty. A drive in an unfamiliar place can prompt fear, an unknown result, a stranger behind you, or a dark alley.
Keeping Your Attitude Up When Circumstances Are Down
Everyone knows that a positive attitude is key to the successful life. But what happens when things go wrong? What happens when circumstances deal us a blow? We have a tendency to let our attitudes take the dive along with our state of affairs. Life deals us setbacks, both minor and major, on a regular basis, but if we are going to be successful, we need to know how to deal with them and keep our attitudes intact! We need practical tools to help us understand how we can go about keeping our attitude up, when the circumstances are down. Here are some thoughts to help us do so:
The Power of A.S.K.ing
Have you ever had the opportunity to follow-up on a sales lead? Recently, I had such an opportunity to reconnect with an organization that I had been trying to secure as a client. Due to some new events and after multiple unreturned phone calls, I decided to ask for the decision maker within the department. After receiving the executive's name and finally making contact, I explained who I was, where I was from and how I could add value to their training request. A planned 5 minute telephone call turned into a 30 minute engaging dialogue where I learned even more about their needs and was asked in return if I had the experience to facilitate a second, separate engagement.
7 Perks to Living a Life on Purpose
1. We all have a purpose in this life time.
Showing Your Appreciation - How To Make Others Feel Special
"There are fine things which you mean to do someday, under what you think will be more favorable circumstances. But the only time that is surely yours is the present, hence this is the time to speak the word of appreciation and sympathy, to do the generous deed - to sacrifice self a little more for others." Grenville Kleiser
The Power of Courtesy and Kindness
I'm currently listening to The Secrets of the Power of Intention audio program by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I highly recommend the program. In the program, he speaks a lot about the importance of kindness. When you consistently have thoughts of kindness, you have a clear connection to the way things work well in the world. Good things start to happen to you automatically. Even the chemistry of your body changes to create emotions that make you feel good (endorphins). You begin to attract allies who will go out of their way to help you without being asked.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 22, 2003
Those Who Sleep Get Sliced
Chang lived in Flushing, Queens. Every afternoon he rode the train into Manhattan to work in the post office. At the end of his shift he would ride the train back, at well after midnight.
Passion: What It Means To Live With It
Passion can guide you, not just to live, but to live with purpose. Throughout my professional career, I've had most fortunate opportunities to associate with numerous high profile individuals and organizations, including Forbes 400 successes, politicians, celebrity entertainers and athletes. And I've learned to recognize that people who live with passion exude alluring energies from within themselves that seem to "magnetize" great people, situations and circumstances into their lives.
Self-Validation: Living an Empowered Life
Sometimes we are concerned with being right and we don't stop to think that our comments or our actions might hurt another person's feelings.
The Finer, and Finest, Things in Life
In America, we have a saying: The finer things in life. These are the things that most people talk about when they are speaking of thing of high quality. In fact, much of that which propels people to pursue success, particularly financial success, is the desire to participate in the finer things in life.
Abundance Is A Life Style
Abundance is a life style, a way of living your life. Itisn't something you buy now and then or pull down from thecupboard, dust off and use once or twice, and then return tothe cupboard.
Breaking Through Uncertainty - Welcoming Advertisty
We all question our ability at times. Uncertainty plagues us. It is even more intense if the ability we are questioning relates to something we have never tried or not succeeded at in the past.
The Beauty of Life
"An unexamined life is not worth living."-- Socrates
Is the Life Youre Living the Life You Want?
In pre-revolutionary Russia, a rabbi was walking to the synagogue. A Russian soldier stopped him and asked, "Who are you and what are you doing here?" The rabbi answered, "How much do they pay you for doing this job?" The soldier replied, "Twenty kopeks." The rabbi then said, "I'll pay you twenty-five to ask me those same two questions every day."
Energy Work Basics Part 3: The Power of High Intention
At SPIRIT Connections, we believe that the most powerful tool we have when working with energy is our ability to set a high intention. We add the word "high" to intention since we are interested in intentions with a high vibration.
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