Call To Action
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 3, 2003
I need some advice, please! I've been married to the same man for 11 years. He's a nice person when he's not drinking. However that isn't very often.
He drinks on a daily basis. Sometimes it's four beers, sometimes it's 12 or more. He drinks alone and then gets verbally abusive. He tells me I could never make it without him. I would have to live in a cardboard box. He calls me names, then tells me he loves me and will never let me leave.
He had a terrible childhood. He was adopted and his dad left his mom for another woman. He hasn't gotten over his anger, but he won't seek any type of help. He denies there is a problem. My husband saves most of the good stuff for me, but he's verbally abusive to our two children as well.
I've been to Al-Anon and talked to counselors. I tried to draw him back into the family, but he keeps pushing us away. I feel it's best to separate from him. Maybe the realization will make him take control. It's sad when your children wake up in the morning and ask, "Is Dad in a better mood, or do we need to be careful?"
Esme, your kids are living in a crazy, unpredictable environment. Walking on eggshells is affecting their development, and it will damage their future.
Their emotions are cycling between fear, bewilderment, anger and embarrassment. Children raised in this environment often become people pleasers who judge themselves harshly and have a hard time following through on projects. They likely will have difficulty disclosing their feelings to others, and they likely will live with a constant feeling of dread.
You have no power to change your husband's behavior. Only he can change it, and if he ever changes, he will do it for his own sake. Until he is tired of being controlled by anger and alcohol, he will not change.
At present he can be abusive and drunk and still maintain his home and family. He has no incentive to change. There are no consequences for continuing as he is, and there is no reason to assume a separation will make him take control. If he changes, it may be long after you leave.
Your highest duty is to your children. They have done nothing to deserve living in this kind of home. Your next duty is to yourself. You can't live a normal life with this man. There is one more duty. That is the duty your husband owes to himself not to waste his chance at life. But that is a duty only he can fulfill.
Proceed with your decision to leave, and take steps to ensure your safety and that of your children.
I've been dating a lady for about a week. We really click. A few days ago we were talking about personal problems, and she told me she had herpes.
I am in my 30s and have never met anyone with herpes. I was married for two years, but before I was married I was a virgin and very na´ve about sexual things. I don't know if I should avoid sexual contact with her or just walk away.
Manny, you have a serious decision to make. Unless and until you see this lady as a life partner, avoid sexual contact. Otherwise, if things don't work out, her situation could become your own.
We suggest sitting down with a physician or other health professional to discuss exactly what this can mean for your future. There is no reason to be embarrassed. Simply explain to them what you explained to us.
The reason to go to a medical source first is you will not only get an authoritative answer, but you will have laid the groundwork for future treatment if you decide to proceed.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Everyone Has Been Hurt...Part 1
I want to share some things with you that I usually don't share with many people. To be honest not many people do know the whole story and that is because I don't really trust many people with this. Anyways here goes..
Fear, Faith, and Believing vs. Knowing
Fear is deeply rooted in uncertainty. Think about it; the only you've ever feared was the unknown. All fear and fears humans have experienced and continue to experience is rooted in uncertainty. A drive in an unfamiliar place can prompt fear, an unknown result, a stranger behind you, or a dark alley.
Just Let ?Em Go!
I remember when I was just a little guy probably about 4 or 5 years old, I was fascinated by snakes. Not any particular type of snake ? just snakes in general. I remember being really curious about how they could move around so easily without any legs or feet. I remember liking the colors on the garter snakes that slithered through our Nebraska summer garden.
Why Be Great?
Have you ever thought of what it would take to make you "truly great" at what you do?
Fear No Evil - How To Avoid Worry And Fear
"Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me."
A Dream is Just a Dream ... Or is It?
Some people dismiss dreams as nonsense, thought patterns running amuck as we sleep because we are not conscious and in a position to control them.
Charge Your Imagination (2)
As year 2004 winds up and professionals and corporate bodies plot strategies for business excellence in 2005 and beyond, it is time to put their Imagination to real work. In the first part of this message, IMAGINATION, as a person, started an inspirational charge for the professional and business class on what the world of business would be like in the year 2030.He continues to speak.
Discovering The Art of Bending Your Mindset And Manifesting Your Multiple Intelligences
Discovering the Art of Bending Your Mindset and Manifestingyour Multiple Intelligences in selling.
Anam Cara - Losing your Religion
I am sitting before a window of morning light "losing my religion."
Your True Talent Will Set You Free
When you get home from work, do you feel enriched, fulfilled and empowered? Or does it seem like you just finished an uphill battle on a treadmill? Imagine being paid to do what you love. You could return home feeling as though time stood still. Being "in the zone" virtually all day. Coming home invigorated knowing you consistently live a natural high.
Abused as a Child
Child abuse is a much more common event, than is usually expressed in public. I recently attended an event, where people were asked to discuss their darkest secrets. Out of the thirty or so women in the room, nearly two thirds expressed their darkest secret as, being about child abuse and two had had terminations, created by a family member.
Changing the World... One Book at a Time
Ever read a book that's changed your life? Most of the today's most beloved authors and spiritual teachers can recall a book that started them on the journey toward spirituality and success.
We have all grown up in an age where exploration into dramatic new territory has become routine. We have had people travel into space to live for short periods of time. We have sent people to explore the moon. We have built machines to take people under the ocean to live and work. And we have even built machines, as extensions of ourselves, to go to places where we could not go physically and send back pictures and other data.
How to Scare Fear Out of Your Life
A reader asks: "Many times in my life I have let fear rule me and stop me from doing something I wanted to do. Do you have any suggestions for how to handle fear?"
Wreaths are like rings. They represent the Universal Circle ("Let the circle be unbroken ?" as the song lyric goes) and also the idea of circulating love, wealth and prosperity for yourself and neighbours. Usually they are hung on the front door, over the fire place or over the dining room table to commemorate special occasions or the changing of the seasons.
What Life is All About?
When we look at lives in any places in this world, we may come to the similar red line. Those lives consist of phases that take living creature from a step to a further one. Be it human or plants or animals, their lives are all the same. It's a growth from youth to old then die.
What Company Does Your Business Keep?
A man is known by the company he keeps. We have heard that phrase so many times. Our folks have cautioned us often with that in our silly childhood. Do we heed to that advice in our business? Where do you hang out? What is your business surrounded by?
Play a BIGGER role in life!
Did you ever think that you are not playing the role which you should play in your life?
What Movies Can Teach You About Meaningful Coincidences (Use Them to Get What You Want)
When you have your dream clear in your mind and you go after it in the right way, the universe will send you miraculous help through meaningful coincidences. Sometimes you may have only one opportunity to receive such help. That's why you must be ready.
Its Not Always About the Benjamins, Baby
Often when I receive emails from this list with folks,Telling me that they have discovered their life'spurpose but they don't have the money to do whatthey need to start living their purpose.
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