Nothing To Celebrate
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 12, 2002
I came across your column by accident. Boy, was it impeccable timing. I am sitting here writing you on my anniversary weekend. Home alone, while my husband is on a three day golf fling with his buddies. I have cried for two days.
This is a reality check for me, knowing our problems through 23 years are still there even after counseling. Should I be crying, or is it time to get out? And did I mention he spent New Year's Eve at a basketball game while I stayed home alone?
I know most golfers would not want to give up a weekend with their buddies, but does a truly happy man give up the invitation for the sake of his wife? I am a person who feels, thinks, then decides. My husband is a person who thinks, decides, then feels.
Josey, with tears in her eyes, a woman told us this story. She and her husband planned a cruise with another couple. Their 25th wedding anniversary fell in the middle of the cruise. When the other couple couldn't make it, her husband canceled their reservations also.
In her heart, this is what she felt. "I love you. I want to go on this trip even more now. We can have a second honeymoon." But she didn't speak up. She thought he should know her feelings, but her silence confirmed what he did.
Sometimes couples run in so many directions at once, they get off course. Then a simple, open statement of feelings can clarify things. If your husband's disconnection was unintentional, it suggests one course of action. If it was done with the knowledge or intention to hurt you, it suggests another.
A Covey Of Counselors
Last year I cheated on my girlfriend and she found out. It was awful. We broke up and I undertook therapy, which was a great thing for me to do. She was and continues to be in therapy, and she is a therapist herself.
When we got back together, we were very codependent. It seems we were not totally able to rebuild trust. Though we traveled and practically lived together the last few months, we also got into criticism wars about the most stupid things.
Last month she found a job. I criticized her for not committing more to our relationship and for spending too much time working. She became attracted to her boss. This guy, who has offered her lots of money not to leave, values her professionally.
A week ago she broke up with me. At first she said it has nothing to do with her job, then she admitted she had strong feelings for her boss. Now they have already spent nights together. I am devastated.
I am currently unemployed and living at my mother's, and he is older and successful. I really love her and want her back. I have a wild hope this is all about getting even and that she will come back to me in time.
Mac, I have a wild hope this is all about you getting your life together. What you need to focus on is getting a job, standing on your own two feet, and paying your own bills.
You're clinging to a relationship in which you are in therapy, your girlfriend is in therapy, she is a therapist, and she is sleeping with her boss, a therapist. Maybe, just maybe, therapy isn't going to save this relationship.
You are jobless and dependent on your mother. Being with your girlfriend would be a definite step up for you, but if you were pursuing a career and lived in a place of your own, the world would look different to you.
Right now you are looking for a relationship to help you out of your hole. You need to focus on helping yourself out of the hole.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Stay With It!
I walked out of his office inspired. All I could immediately recall were those soft-spoken words, "STAY WITH IT". They were from no less a person than Rev. Sam Adeyemi of Success Power fame, on whom I had gone to pay a courtesy call. The first time we met was two years earlier when he came to my campus to speak to students about success. Then I was an undergraduate with a fledging media outfit and, most naturally, the privilege fell on me to interview him for a story for my readers.
Naomi and the 5 Life Lessons
Not long ago, I attended a seminar that featuredNaomi Judd, half of the legendary country music duo,The Judds. Naomi, with her talented daughter, Wynonna, set the standard for country music byselling millions of albums, performing to 'sold out' audiences, and winning numerous awards.
Garbage In Its Place
There is nothing worse than seeing garbage blowing down the street of your neighborhood, or finding broken shards of glass at the local swimming hole where children play. Wildlife is just as vulnerable to garbage and many have lost their lives after becoming tangled in waste or mistaking garbage for food. It is up to each of us to make an effort to minimize this unsightly, and sometimes hazardous, problem.
How to Overcome Loneliness
Nowadays the majority of people live in very large cities. It is hard to imagine that in cities of millions of people that anyone could feel lonely. However, it is because of the huge size of the cities that we do feel this way. Twenty years ago, you probably knew everyone who lived in your street, at least by sight. Now you are lucky if you know your next-door neighbors.
Courage That Changes Your Life
"The scars you acquire while exercising courage will never make you feel inferior." D.A. Battista
Charge Your Imagination (3)
As we progress into the year, it is necessary for professionals to really put their Imagination to work as they plot strategies for business excellence this year. To help them do a good job, IMAGINATION (as a person) started an inspirational message on Vision 2030. Here is the conclusion of the message.
What is My Life Purpose?
Why am I here?
Random Thoughts on Living Your Best Life
More things I've noticed along the way:
Clicking to Good Vibrations!
Recently my dad visited me in Victoria, BC. He is THE most appreciative person I know!
Conspiracy of Silence
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 12, 2004
What We Believe We Create - Love is the Creation
I once was told by the Angels that our concept of Love would fit on the head of a straight pin and the size of the Universe and more is the love that is felt for us by God and the Angels. If this is so, and I believe that it is ... just think of what we can create if we allow our concept of Love to grow ... to encompass it ... to become it.
The HUGE Deposit of Diamond in You
Something happened to me some years back that is worthy is sharing with everybody all over the world. When I started running my business, things were very tough for me to the point that I could hardly afford to have a dime on me. One of those days, I was at home and very hungry with no hope of seeing anything to munch. I tried to force myself to sleep, but I could only succeed for just thirty minutes! I was so hungry that I just couldn't have time for my favorite past time, reading.
Those Who Sleep Get Sliced
Chang lived in Flushing, Queens. Every afternoon he rode the train into Manhattan to work in the post office. At the end of his shift he would ride the train back, at well after midnight.
Its Not My Job to Free Tibet
I hate saying that. It feels so very wrong. It's not that I wouldn't like to help them. It's not that I am not appalled at what is happening over there. I have been wrestling with my guilty feelings lately. What have I done to make the world a better place? I started by taking inventory of the areas that I'd love to 'fix'. My to-do list looks like this:
The Most Important Investment You Can Make For Your Old Age - And No, Its Not Money!
When I was twenty-two, I was befriended by a woman named Doris who was thirty years older than I was. Although Doris was then a fifty-two year old woman, she did not feel it was inappropriate to befriend me. She did not operate with the social belief that she should choose her friends only from people her own age. We became very close friends and remained so until her death at the age of eight-two.
The Day I First Believed
I was eight years old, over four decades ago and I remember this event as though it was yesterday. It was a beautiful but cold and blistering winter day in the city of Detroit. Snow was falling moderately, but the wind was ferocious. My siblings and I were engage in some play activity when I was suddenly summoned by my mother and told to go to the store to purchase a loaf of bread and a few other items. Begrudgingly, I took the five dollar bill, dressed in my insulated snow suit and left for the store which was about six blocks away.
Lance Armstrong an Inspiration
Lance Armstrong has already proven he is the greatest athlete ever in the present period. Many ask what drives a man to press on, where does such strength of character come from. How can so much dedication and commitment cause a man to persevere in all aspects of their life? Lance Armstrong is an inspiration to what we all as humans have in common. The level of human intent in our species is well documented and something every one of us possesses.
I call myself semi-retired. I work at a job that takes up 5 hours of my day, 5 days a week. I go home and I lock myself in my office and I work on the computer for 5-6 hours a day. I try and break up my routine by doing household chores in between times when I become brain dead. On the weekend I go out for breakfast and cruise the mall, check out some book stores and go shopping.
The Art of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a critical element in becoming self actualized and fully loving. Forgiving is the process by which you let go of feeling victimized or having wronged others. It allows you to climb out of the dark well of anger, bitterness, or guilt into which you can easily fall.
Food for Thought
We all love picnics. They represent a fun time as we prepare the food, the entertainment and the guest list. I think that the main idea behind picnics is the eating! Everyone usually brings some kind of a special treat that we all like to sample and sometimes in excess. We are left feeling overly full and tired. Forget the volley ball for a while and it's not good to go swimming after eating, so let's just lay here for awhile and rest. Our bodies will digest all this and maintain the essential vitamins and proteins and minerals and everything else turns to fat, or gets wasted. It's a good thing that we dispose of this because we'd blow up otherwise. But in all this eating, it's possible to be starving for another food. I'm talking about spiritual food.
|© Athifea Distribution LLC - 2013|