Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 16, 2003
I enjoy reading your column every week. I want to tell you about a family problem I am having at present. Recently our youngest daughter divorced after 22 years of marriage and two teenagers. This was a great shock to all the family as she never told anyone of her unhappy situation.
Now she is living with her high school sweetheart, who is also divorced. She says she is very, very happy. My big problem is that my husband of 54 years will not accept the situation and refuses to speak to this daughter.
I am not happy either, but have accepted it as I want to keep communication open with my daughter. How should I handle this problem with my husband?
Adelle, we live in tornado country, and a few weeks ago several small towns near us were almost totally destroyed. Many people lost their home, their possessions, and their livelihood. The next morning some people were clearing rubble and rebuilding their lives, while others were wandering around stunned by their loss.
We vary enormously in our responses. Some people heal faster than others, and some adjust to change faster than others. Your husband lost a part of his life, and a son-in-law, he never expected to lose. Perhaps he is like the tough old oak not easily bent. You are more like the willow which is flexible and bends in a storm without breaking.
For now, you need to give your husband the time he needs to adapt to the change and be the flexible connection between father and daughter. You are like the old-style telephone operator making connections between two people. As long as you are in touch with both, keeping each aware of the other, you keep the distance between them from getting too great.
That is a positive, not a negative. There needs to be a little time for healing all around for everyone in this situation. Perhaps in time, or in a crisis, the connection can be made more direct. Your husband and your daughter may only be one incident, or one holiday, away from coming together.
Wayne and Tamara
My boyfriend and I have always had our differences, and though we are both strong-headed, we have learned to appreciate each other. We've been talking about marriage, but there is one issue I cannot get past. He is so selfish!
He contributes little to the household duties and financial obligations such as food and cleaning supplies. He spends large amounts of money on weekends and vacations with the boys, but can only rarely take me out to dinner. He shops the Wal-Mart clearance racks for holiday gifts. Christmas was a toothbrush and bath mats.
I strongly dislike the area we live in and would like to relocate. He says he grew up here and will never live anywhere else. I was recently laid off, and the only positions in my field are in other cities. I want to work so I can fulfill my half of the financial obligations, but he says he cannot leave and I should just keep looking.
Prudence, opportunity knocks all the time, but the problem is we usually can't recognize it for what it is. We expect the Prize Patrol to show up with balloons and a check for a million dollars. That isn't going to happen. Usually opportunity shows up as something mundane, like getting laid off from our job and thinking about where our life is headed.
You are thinking about marriage, but you should be thinking about 50 years of bath mats and toothbrushes from a selfish man. You want to keep up your half, but where is his half?
You've been given an opportunity to live where you choose. When you go there, you may find a man who doesn't have differences you can't live with.
Wayne and Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
How to Conquer Fears and Worries
"More than any other time in history, mankind face a crossroad. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, and the other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly." - Woody Allen (Side Effect)
Super Mom, Wonder Woman, Energizer Mommy or Just Mom
Have you ever sat down to watch the evening news and flashes a News Report about a woman that died with 100 cats, house full of trash and stacks of newspapers to fill 100 dump trucks? In my single days, I use to live by a lady like this. The entire neighborhood would talk about her but none of us ever went over there to see if she needed anything or if I could help her clean her house. We just talked about how could she let her house go that way.
My Life With Furniture
These days, I find the lines are blurred between school and Real Life. Student life often means spending a cozy evening with your computer or heading to the boardroom for an on-site lesson.
Living on Purpose: One Rock at a Time
I just got back from Colorado where I spent a week relaxing, re-energizing and revisiting the key values in my life. The lodge where I stayed is called Peaceful Valley, and it has a chapel on the premises. I've been to Peaceful Valley and to this chapel many times over the years. The chapel is at the end of a steep ten-minute hike, which has become a ritual for me. The view at the top -- a part of the Rocky Mountain range -- is breathtaking.
The Power of Courtesy and Kindness
I'm currently listening to The Secrets of the Power of Intention audio program by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I highly recommend the program. In the program, he speaks a lot about the importance of kindness. When you consistently have thoughts of kindness, you have a clear connection to the way things work well in the world. Good things start to happen to you automatically. Even the chemistry of your body changes to create emotions that make you feel good (endorphins). You begin to attract allies who will go out of their way to help you without being asked.
Let Change Be Your Friend, Mentor, and Inspiration
People have a tendency of anticipating pending change on the assumption that it will be bad. Such focus on the negatives contribute to unnecessary fears of change, even when there is really not much, if anything, to fear. Sometimes that fear can be inflamed by self doubt; doubts of our own ability to deal with this new situation that is about to befall us.
Escape into Reality and Find Love
The early months of this year brought major challenges, as well as blessings, for many folks. They certainly brought many unique challenges and blessings for me.
The Author Within You!
I always had an active imagination when I was young. I hated school, and would pass the time away day- dreaming about things I should not even have known about at such a young age. I used to make up stories in my head, that would always have me as the centre of attention, like collecting an Oscar for a Hollywood film that I had starred in, or recovering from a major operation or accident. I think I was like this because I was a shy kid who lacked a lot of confidence. It was no different when I started work.
Anam Chara - Living A Life Of Value
Much of our lives we spend comparing what "me" has with what "you" has. Usually this is to the detriment of "me." We take our values from the world of the visible and ignore the values of the invisible. We build our sense of self on the sifting sands of fortune.
Never Jump to Conclusions
Human mind which is well known as a fluctuating prodigy presumes itself to be a great judge. It is so natural for the mind to judge anything that appears to it especially so in the case of other human beings. It doesn't give little time to itself to start thinking about any person. It jumps to conclusions in no time. Is such thinking called proactive intelligence or lack of wisdom?
The Climbs In Our Lives
I grew up climbing mountains. Mountains are beautiful and challenging, majestic and all powerful. They also have lessons to teach us: lessons about life and how to live it.
The Art of Giving
In the pursuit of the life we dream of, this journey we are on forsuccessful living, the focus is usually on figuring out what it is exactlythat we want and then setting ourselves on course for going and getting it.This is very important: Know what you want to get for your life and thenpursue it.
Beautiful Day Blues
The massive orb dominates the aqua crystalline backdrop of its own making, floods its rays on everything below. The sky devoid of a single cloud seems as empty as I feel and the beach looks like an arid desert, molded by tireless wind and blazing heat. I picture myself atop an Arabian camel, parched with thirst, crossing an unforgiving series of never-ending dunes, up one and down the next, no rhyme nor reason, only the nose of the animal in front of me.
Energy Work Basics Part 2: What Lifts Your Spirit?
Remember, everything is made of energy. Each of us has an energy field. Our thoughts and emotions extend beyond our physical bodies and influence the people and spaces around us. The energy of thoughts and emotions hangs around in spaces after the people have left.
Spiritual Evolution: A Journey of Truth
BORN OF BODY AND SPIRIT
Inspiring Values of Unforgettable Teachers
All of us recall special teachers - people who not only taught us but inspired us in ways that changed our lives. William Arthur Ward once said, "The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires." Here are five life-changing values inspired by unforgettable teachers.
Make Life Work: Repair the Relationship with Yourself
What areas of your life are working well? Career? Finances?
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 11, 2003
20 Ways To Improve Your Life
People often ask me how they can improve their lives.
Flashh! I Thought I Saw A Puddy Cat!
Have you ever had one of those flashes of inspiration? Have you ever just had one of those "knowings" down in the pit of your stomach? No, I don't mean after a big bowl of beans. That's not what I'm talking about. Ever had something flash across your mind and looked like a puddy cat? Read on and discover what it was.
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