The Information Age
Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 1, 2003
My sister and I are very close, and we don't keep things from one another. Recently she shared with me concerns about her sex life, or lack thereof. She feels like there is something wrong with her because her husband is not attracted to her. They have been married 15 years.
A couple of weeks ago I was on the Internet and highlighted my brother-in-law's name to send him an instant message. Well, when I did a box appeared, and it stated where he was online. At first it said he was in a bisexual chat. I logged off my regular signature and signed on to another one and checked to see where he was.
The drop down box said he was now in a gay chat room. I went to the chat room and just watched, and in no time he typed in his age, sex, and location. I was floored! I didn't know what to do.
I waited about half an hour and thought about it. I decided to call him and tell him what I saw and find out what was going on. He denied everything. He said I had the wrong name or that AOL made some kind of mistake. Since then he has blocked me from knowing when he is online.
Now I am stuck. My gut instinct is to keep my mouth shut, because it really is none of my business, but my sister is becoming increasingly open and concerned about her sex life. She has spoken with him several times about it, and he says everything is fine, but nothing changes between them.
I do not want to tell her because it will devastate her, but if she knew I had this information and kept it from her, she would be even more devastated.
Whitney, contacting your brother-in-law was the least productive thing you could do. It took the option of silence away from you, and it didn't achieve anything with your brother-in-law. He already knew what he was doing. Now he will take steps to explain away or excuse himself. But the one thing he must wonder is who else knows his secret.
People often end up with information they don't want, but once they have it, they need to act. Your sister has a problem she cannot solve, and you have the piece of the puzzle which can solve her dilemma. Like it or not, you are the one who can shed light on her problem.
If your brother-in-law is meeting strangers for sex, it concerns both your sister's health and her marriage. Tell her. Let her decide what, if anything, she is going to do. Like most of us, your brother-in-law didn't understand the power of technology. A few keystrokes on your computer showed you something which may change all of your lives.
Wayne & Tamara
Past, Present, Future
Not a month after we married my husband got laid off. I work while he doesn't even try to find a job.
I come from a family where being unemployed more than you work is wrong, and not providing for your wife is wrong. His family has lived on some kind of government assistance for most of their lives, so he doesn't see a problem.
I am beginning to think he is going to ruin my life. We don't have any children yet, and I often think of going after my dreams and leaving him behind.
Nicki, we once lived in a town with a group of men known as the "Go-getters." These men took their wives to work at a local factory in the morning, then loafed around all day drinking coffee and telling stories at the café. At the end of the day, they would go get her.
Follow your dreams. You need a go-getter, not a "go get her."
Wayne & Tamara
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Blessings and Art of Living
My perception is that universe infinitely blesses us every moment. Why we do not acknowledge is that we are not consciously aware of it. For example you start in the morning to the office, the breeze that touches your body; the surrounding climate, the ambience of office etc are all the ways that universe conspires to bless. What we need on our part is to simply be conscious of it and the doors for infinite blessing of the universe opens. Simple things have enormous capacity to bless us, heal us but we not open to the vast in and around us and get caught in our own hypnotized worlds. What opens the blessings is awareness. Hold loose of yourself from your self created reality and simply be aware of every little thing that you come across.
Let Change Be Your Friend, Mentor, and Inspiration
People have a tendency of anticipating pending change on the assumption that it will be bad. Such focus on the negatives contribute to unnecessary fears of change, even when there is really not much, if anything, to fear. Sometimes that fear can be inflamed by self doubt; doubts of our own ability to deal with this new situation that is about to befall us.
Important Things to Know / Remember About Life
Is the Life Youre Living the Life You Want?
In pre-revolutionary Russia, a rabbi was walking to the synagogue. A Russian soldier stopped him and asked, "Who are you and what are you doing here?" The rabbi answered, "How much do they pay you for doing this job?" The soldier replied, "Twenty kopeks." The rabbi then said, "I'll pay you twenty-five to ask me those same two questions every day."
Supercharge Your Dreams!
We all accept the fact that the lighter the backpack, the easier and quicker the climb to the top of the mountain. We all understand that the lighter the load on an airplane, the higher and faster it can fly. We pay extra for high octane fuel so our car will operate more efficiently. Then why don't we apply the same wisdom to our bodies and our dreams?
A Word Fitly Spoken ~ Believe
A Word Fitly Spoken
Being An Adult
I have always thought that grandparents were the icons of wisdom, the "go to" person with he answers, the epitome of patience.
?you are, he is, she is, they are? But you knew that already, didn't you? Or have you really stopped to think about it recently ? or ever for that matter?
In the Eyes of a Child
It was way past 10:00 pm when I came home from a grueling day of schoolwork and extracurricular activities. The wind was rustling about overhead as I paced through the door of our humble abode. I moved towards the nearest couch and plumped myself to rest. Defeat and exhaustion filled my frame as I laid back against the soft cushions. But then I remembered our Hematology project which was due the next day. Galvanized, I scrambled off my feet and immediately headed towards the personal computer situated on the other side of the room. Just then, my little brother Michael dashed out of his room and came straight at me. He was holding a pen on his right hand and a piece of paper on the other.
Building Bridges, Not Walls!
Only twenty years ago, people would casually stroll the neibourhood, stop and chat with each other or walk down the street and greet you cordially. Nowadays people walk at a very fast pace and for the most part just walk past you looking at the ground lost in their own thoughts. It seems less people will say hello to a stranger.
Life Goes On
Boy, do I feel old. Or at least older.
How To Be Secure In An Insecure World
Most of us believe that our happiness and security are dependent upon our relationships, work, income and the external events that take place in our lives. When things are going well there is a sense of well-being and safety. We sleep well at night, wake up feeling refreshed and have the sense that the world can be managed - that we are in control. However, this kind of security is fleeting. As people and events are constantly changing, we are often edgy about what's coming down the road.
Reach Your Dreams
About fifteen years ago I was rummaging through some old boxes in my basement when I discovered a stack of poems that I had written during my childhood. As I began reading, I discovered a long-forgotten world ? one that sang with romance, adventure, and mystery. It was a world of princesses, heroes, and castles, where the princess was always rescued and the dragon always slain.
Showing Your Appreciation - How To Make Others Feel Special
"There are fine things which you mean to do someday, under what you think will be more favorable circumstances. But the only time that is surely yours is the present, hence this is the time to speak the word of appreciation and sympathy, to do the generous deed - to sacrifice self a little more for others." Grenville Kleiser
Comfort and Achievement
I'll share with you one of my deepest insights about achievement comfort and the desire to control even the slightest bump in the great ride we have come to call Life.
The Four Emotions that Can Lead to Life Change
Emotions are the most powerful forces inside us. Under the power of emotions, human beings can perform the most heroic (as well as barbaric) acts. To a great degree, civilization itself can be defined as the intelligent channeling of human emotion. Emotions are fuel and the mind is the pilot, which together propel the ship of civilized progress.
Message From An Angel - Is It Yours ?
This is a message from an Angel. Can you relate? Is it yours?
Fighting Grief: The Time To Show You Care
The news came as a shock to us all. He who had been ill for days had been taken to the hospital. It was found out that he had very high amount of creatinine in his blood, resulting from a stone in one of his kidneys.
One Woman, One Leg, No Job
What is social acceptance? Why is it so important? What can we do to overcome it? This inspirational story may change your attitude toward society and its evil un-acceptance and discriminations. Follow along as I give a detailed account of my experience with a life changing disability and the battle I continue to fight to gain acceptance and employment"
The Fuel for Creative Vigor
Writing a book or creating a killer headline requires a special blend of imagination, inspiration, and knowledge. Whether the ordeal is like enduring a root canal or soaring on a cloud, depends on how upbeat you are. The fuel of creative vigor is enthusiasm.
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