Heavy Weather Guide
Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 26, 2004
My girlfriend and I are basically the same age, just a six month difference. When I went to buy the engagement ring in February, I felt certain she was the right one. She accepted my proposal by saying, "If we go slow?"
We've been doing that. We had the ring resized to fit her finger, and the wedding wasn't to be until Easter 2006. This morning she broke it off. We were happy and taking it slow, but for some reason it felt fast to her. Right from the start, her relatives pressured her to break up. She asked me questions, I answered honestly, and my answers were acceptable.
I want to get married and have my own happy family in the next five years. Preferably in the next two. This afternoon I even cried. What can or should I do? I know suicide's not the answer, but maybe it would make a difference to her and them. No, I don't want to do that, but like I said, I'm feeling sad today.
Michael, on a merchant ship the second mate is responsible for navigation. Traditionally, each morning the mate would rise, take a fix on the stars, and recompute a fresh course to the destination. This is necessary because the wind and sea push the ship off yesterday's course.
The mate can chart a course and ring up the speed, but the sea determines when the ship will arrive. There is no point fighting against the sea, or against life. Ordinarily when a person thinks of suicide, it is because they are holding to a fixed idea, and they cannot imagine life in any other way. But life is full of possibilities.
If your depression is serious, seek help. But your sadness seems based on rigid expectations. You have a schedule in your head, and you want life to conform to your schedule. In the next two years you want to find a woman who loves you, whom you love, who will marry you, and produce children. That sounds more like ordering a new car than love.
Out of great love for someone who loves you, come a family and happiness. Where is the great love for this woman in your letter? No, what we hear is the two year schedule. What we hear is the difference between this woman, and your plans for a woman.
Life, and people, cannot be bent to your will. Surrender your schedule and allow your life to unfold.
The traditional farewell of a mariner is wishing a friend fair winds and a following sea. But the truth is we learn more about ourselves and our ship in a storm than in calm waters.
Wayne & Tamara
I'm a single woman who is intelligent, kindhearted, and attractive. I recently ended a relationship with a man I'll call Jordan. Jordan slowly moved from wanting to spend every moment with me to "needing some space."
Jordan is bipolar and refuses to seek help, and my attempts to help left him better and me with an hour of sleep. Recently we enjoyed a great afternoon when he invited me to a party. Well, the last time we went to a party, I was basically "left by the punchbowl." When I gently expressed my concern, he screamed, "Get out!" Which I promptly did.
I realize I'm stupid to want anything but to move on, but for curiosity's sake, because it's driving me crazy, what on earth is his problem? We seem to want the same thing, each other, yet he's going back and forth faster than a swing.
Darlene, you ask what on earth is his problem. To borrow a phrase from teenagers, "Duh?" He is an unmedicated, bipolar person.
As long as he won't address the problem of his mood swings, there is no place on the swing for you.
About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
No More Frustration: The Thorns of Opportunity - Part II
The quest for the ultimate victory.
Garbage In Its Place
There is nothing worse than seeing garbage blowing down the street of your neighborhood, or finding broken shards of glass at the local swimming hole where children play. Wildlife is just as vulnerable to garbage and many have lost their lives after becoming tangled in waste or mistaking garbage for food. It is up to each of us to make an effort to minimize this unsightly, and sometimes hazardous, problem.
Tim McGraw had it Right - Live Like You Are Dying!
Chorus:An' he said: "I went ski diving, I went rockymountain climbing, "I went two point seven seconds on a bull named FuMan Chu""And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,"And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."An he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,"To live like you were dyin'."
Maybe Im Amazed at the Way you Love Me all the Time
In Corrogue I am amazed
The Bright Side of Loneliness
Recently a romantic relationship came to an end and I found myself alone again. The minutes, the hours now felt empty. For three weeks I sat beside a silent phone, rehashing the past and coming to terms with my loss. After the warmth and intimacy of love, my loneliness felt like a great abyss that I could not escape.
Meatballs: Friend, or Foe?
We all have those moments, don't we? We're right in the middle of a project, and it's simply not going well.
How To Be Secure In An Insecure World
Most of us believe that our happiness and security are dependent upon our relationships, work, income and the external events that take place in our lives. When things are going well there is a sense of well-being and safety. We sleep well at night, wake up feeling refreshed and have the sense that the world can be managed - that we are in control. However, this kind of security is fleeting. As people and events are constantly changing, we are often edgy about what's coming down the road.
The Emmaus Journal ~ Quietness
The Emmaus Journal
What an Artist Experiences When Working With the Angels
I am an Angel artist on a passionate spiritual journey and I would like to share my story of what it is like to work with the Angels. It is a unique experience and very real.
Tomorrow May be Too Late
A high school senior, looking forward to going to college, inspiring to become a doctor kisses her parents and dashes out the door to go to school, smiling, and waving goodbye -- never realizing that before day's end, she would meet the fate of a deadly bullet.
Escape into Reality and Find Love
The early months of this year brought major challenges, as well as blessings, for many folks. They certainly brought many unique challenges and blessings for me.
Universal Thought System Language Keywords
Before we are able to use the Universal Thought System in a positive expansive manner, we must learn to use certain words in our language more effectively. The prime characteristic of the Universal Thought System is its consistency. It may not be used to manipulate. It may not be used to gain an advantage. It treats everyone equally. It eliminates the negative side of opposites. Why is this Universal Language so critical to our progress? In our thoughts and actions, we either seek idols or we seek truth. When we find the truth all our answers are provided. Truth contains all answers to every problem. Truth has always existed and will always exist. Our beliefs and feelings color our truth. They act as filters between our truth and our illusions.
Life is a Mystery...or is it?
Being the last of three daughters, I was a suprise to my parents who were being very cautious about not having any more children. At the age of 30 my mother found out she was expecting her third child, and not very happy about it at that. All my life growing up I was constantly reminded how I was not planned for and consequently not really wanted. But thank goodness I was a good baby and actually turned out to be the best thing that ever came along. But, having this thought in the back of my head, it kind of formed the way I grew up. I actually believed that I was a "mistake" and therefore should not have been born in the first place. Where do misfits fit in? I know that my mother did not mean to instill these thoughts in me but they did have a major role in my self confidence.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 16, 2003
A Global Empathy Deficit- 2 Lessons
"...We've got a budget deficit that's important, we've got a trade deficit that's critical, but what I worry most is our empathy deficit." ? Interview in O Magazine with Barack Obama.
It's funny how an acquaintance from the past just pops into your head sometimes. Usually the flashback is brought on by a phrase someone says, or a thought you have. Today my particular flashback was induced by the words "this guy," which were uttered by one of the custodians where I work, as we passed in the hall.
A Brick Wall
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 18, 2003
7 Perks to Living a Life on Purpose
1. We all have a purpose in this life time.
Principles That Govern My Life
The strength and durability of a building is found in its foundation. The same is true in a life. What we accomplish and the effect we have on those around us is not only in what we do, but also in who we are. In fact, what we do is driven by who we are, what we believe and value and by the principles that we live by.
The Seasons of Life, Part 2 of 5
Last week we started a five part series on The Seasons of Life. At that time I stated that I believe there are overriding principles that we should follow and be led by. That life is about constant, predictable patterns of change. And that as we approach the future; for all of us, the only constant factor will be our feelings and attitudes toward life.
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