|
|
| www.1001TopWords.com |
|
|
Dads, Handle your Kids Mistakes
One of the most difficult parts of being a fatheris learning to accept your children's mistakes. Itcertainly can be easy to be loving, supportive,and helpful when your children are mistake-free,but most fathers who are paying attention don'tfind too many mistake-free periods of their children's lives. Let's be clear about our kids and their mistakes.There aren't too many kids who get up in themorning, rub their hands together and say," Iwonder how I can screw up today and really bothermy dad!" Kids don't enjoy or want to make mistakes,it's just one of the ways that they learn aboutthe world. Kids usually try to do their best; but they'redoing their best considering the resources theyhave at the time. Sometimes they're tired,sometimes they're easily distracted, and sometimesthey're strong-willed, but they generally do thebest they can. It's quite easy for us to unfairlyjudge them according to their best efforts in thepast. When our kids make mistakes, we have choices tomake. Fathers can either make choices that help tocreate kids who are defensive and who lie to them?or they can make choices that help to create kidswho can learn from their mistakes and improve uponthem. Kids who fear punishment or the loss of love inresponse to their mistakes learn to hide theirmistakes. These children live in two differentplaces--one place where they have the love andsupport of their father (parents), and anotherwhere they feel that if their mistakes werediscovered, they would be undeserving of thatlove. It's hard for these kids to fully accepttheir parents' love and support even when it isexpressed. It's also difficult for these kids toset high standards for themselves, because theytend to be fearful of failing. These are some ideas for fathers who are committedto helping create kids who can learn from theirmistakes, and who are not afraid of making a few: Absolutely accept the notion that your kids aredoing their best, and that they'll learn fasterabout their mistakes if they are in an environmentthat accepts mistakes. Understand that your difficulty with your kids'mistakes is in fact a reflection of yourdifficulty dealing with your own mistakes; beaware of this and deal with your own issues first. Know the shaming messages that we can all giveso easily to our kids--messages that can do a lotof damage to them and help them to feel unworthy.Here's a few of them: - How could you have done that? - You don't listen to me! - You can do better than that! - What's the matter with you? Keep providing your kids with learningexperiences, but at the same time structure theirenvironment so they can't make too many mistakes(having expensive glassware around the house wherechildren might break it is not their fault). Provide a great model for your children by theway you react to making mistakes: do you getdefensive and stretch the truth, or do you own themistake and learn something from it? Create aculture that's based on learning from mistakes. We only have one chance to show our kids thepatience and discipline necessary to allow them tolearn from the mistakes that we've all made. Youropportunity to improve just started now; give yourkids the room that they need and deserve. Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents byphone to balance their life and improve their familyrelationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Reading, Writing, Rithmetic -- and Recess! Recess has begun disappearing in states all around the country. The reason is the increasing emphasis on "academics" and the mistaken belief that recess detracts from time that could be better spent studying. According to some estimates, 40% of schools have already eliminated recess or are considering the idea. Some cities have abolished recess completely and are building new elementary schools without playgrounds! Best Investment Every week I write something about the stock market - how to, when to and where to put your money and how to protect it from loss if you do. This week I want to say something very important to the young folks about success. And you parents take note if your kids are still young. How to Create an Attitude of Cooperation Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for Ready to Learn for many years, I have had the unique opportunity to work with Head Start families, Child Care Providers, and parents as well as schools, organizations, and teachers all over the world just like you. Challenges for Our Children Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United States have Learning Disabilities. At least 5% have Attention Deficit Disorders. All too many times during the course of their academic careers these children are labeled by teachers (or parents) as being "lazy," or "stupid." Remarks of this type are typically interpreted by the child as, "You're no good," and the self-esteem levels drop. Potty Training ?To Train or Not to Train? I have always found the notion of toilet training a toddler to be a bit much. I didn't feel right about pushing my girls to do something I felt would eventually come naturally. At three years old, both my girls were potty trained ... not because I read books and raced them to the porcelain each time I suspected they should go. They knew what the potty was for. They knew when they had to go. They'd figure it out on their own! Well, by golly, they did! Single Mother Sanity Savers Pt. 1 Being a single mother is no easy task. I know. I was a single mother of two children less than six months ago, so I can say with some authority that being a single mother is a beast. It can drive you crazy if you let it. The insanity is not just that you have to raise children alone and be mother and father. The craziness gets worse when you add a full-time job, not enough money, societal pressure, not to mention being blamed for all of society's ill. How does a single mother remain graceful under pressure? How does she keep from wielding a knife at the next person that tell her "it's not that bad"? What keeps her from pulling her hair out at a minimum, and at a maximum keep from killing herself, her children, or just her spirit? The following five Sanity Savers offers some solutions that I find help get me through some really rough times. They may be a temporary, just for the moment fix, but then again sometime that's all a haggard single mother needs. Detox To Help Conception If you're having trouble conceiving your body may need a detox. How Children Can Read Faster and Better For most children, it is easy to learn to read faster. Their reading rate is often a matter of habit. But to begin, you may need to help them change some of their existing habits. Birth of a Parent So you're pregnant. Congratulations! Your life is about to change in ways you might find unthinkable (and we're not even talking about the surrender of your once slim waistline to proportions most comparable to that of a Dr. Suess character). Pregnancy is the beginning of a new life for a baby, but also a new life for you as a parent. If this is your first baby, you may be filled with an endless list of questions and concerns. If you're a veteran of the labor and delivery room, you've got a better idea what to expect, yet every pregnancy, like every mother and child, is different. Send Your Child to College FREE! College is one of the largest expenses through the course of your childā??s life. It is also one of the main causes of debt in America. With today's rates of inflation, it is very hard to save for an event that will occur eighteen years down the road. However, capitalistic America has provided many ways to send your child to college without paying a single red cent. Below you will discover just how easy it is to reach financial freedom. Watch What You Say "Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold." Parenting Your Teenager: Ask Questions Many parents seem to be more than a little confused about what they have a right to know about their teens. Ultimate Airplane Themed Games & Activities for your Childs Birthday Party Are you looking for the Ultimate Airplane Themed Party Games and Activities? Well stop looking because they are right here... Toilet Terrors And Other Potty Training Fears Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among toddlers and small children. Look at things from your child's perspective. He is giving up the security of a diaper for a big, cold thing with a giant hole that might swallow him. Up until this point, your child has been able to go in his diaper. He didn't have to control himself until a potty was available. He could go anytime and anywhere, knowing that someone would always be there to change his diaper. The idea of having to go to a specific location means he will have to stop what he's doing to use the potty. To top it all off, he looses the warmth of his diaper and must now go potty naked where other people might be watching! Grandparents --- Homeschool Your Grandchildren and Feel Younger Grandparents, what better way to stay close to your grown children than to advise them about important issues like the dangers of public schools for your grandchildren? What better way to feel younger if you offer to help homeschool your grandchildren? Second Letter to My Daughter Dear Camille, Shopping with Children Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute chore ! or are you happy to take them along? Why Mother?s Day is Important For Children Mother's Day is important for children. From Childrens Stories to Study Skills: Help Your Children Succeed in School Introduction Joining a Gang: How to Help Kids Prevent it, How to Tell if Theyve Joined One, How to Help Them Out While youth gangs are nothing new -- they've been traced back to the early 19th century -- the demographic of a youth gang is something that is constantly changing. Many people stereotype gang members as urban, inner city males from racial minorities, but in fact gangs are a problem in suburbs as well as cities, for all races and for girls as well as boys.
|
| © Athifea Distribution LLC - 2013 |
