Computers According to Carol
A is for Anti-Virus: she got it from my Uncle.
B is for Backup: always look in your rear view mirror first.
C is for Caddy: part of computer that holds a coffee cup.
D is for Defrag: a popular dance in the 1920's.
E is for Email: post office talk for express mail.
F is for Folder: before I pack a dress, I fold er.
G is for Game Port: cruise ships dock there to play.
H is for Hard Drive: going from Toronto to Florida by car.
I is for Internet: a basketball has to get inter net to score.
J is for JPEG: similar to a square peg in a round hole.
K is for Keyboard: I hang my keys here so I don't lose them.
L is for Laser Printer: placed on eye during laser surgery.
M is for Memory: deteriorates unless I use it.
N is for Newbie: a recent addition to the hive.
O is for Online: a covered row when playing Bingo.
P is for Program: usually handed out at beginning of a show.
Q is for Quit: don't ever!
R is for Ram: a male sheep.
S is for Software: the best clothes to buy.
T is for Traffic: always heaviest at rush hour.
U is for URL: short for You Are Loved.
V is for Virus: the reason we get vaccinations.
W is for WYSIWYG: a sissy wearing a toupee.
X is for X-Axis: dig for treasure here, but not with an axe.
Y is for Yahoo: often yelled after a win.
Z is for Zipped File: another name for zippered briefcase.
Carol Bremner is a computer loving member of the gray generation. Her websites, http://www.creativehomecomputing.com and http://www.motivatedtolearn.com promote computer literacy in the home for the over 50 crowd.
Laughing Toward Truth: Six Tips for Lighthearted Thinkers
Do you believe in the power of your convictions?
How To Get Attention, or: As You Read This, You Feel an Irresistible Urge to Go On Reading!
We all want attention. As children we crave the attention of our parents. Later in life, we want to be seen and noticed by friends and family. And when running most any type of business, we must attract the attention of our potential customers.
Eye Spy Potatoes
Lately I've had the problem of falling asleep with my contact lenses still in my eyes. And by "lately," I mean for the past seven years. This, in a lot of ways, is the pinnacle of laziness because the removal of contacts takes no more than a minute or two, or three hours if it's your first time. But I've come to the conclusion this morning that there is a reason I fail to remove the contacts: deep down, I am hoping to find certain people in my dreams. So if I have the contacts on my eyes, then perhaps my eyes will be able to contact them. Isn't logic wonderful? I am pretty sure, in fact, that if I never remove my contacts, a telephone may become a thing of the past...
Humans are like Monkeys
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Maybelle Misfire Joins Mega Corp
To: Maybelle MisfireFrom: I. M.. Power, VPWelcome aboard! Delighted you have accepted a position as planning analyst with Mega Corp. See you in September, as they say.
The Restaurant Chronicles, Part 1
Have you ever heard that saying, "The show must go on"? When you hear it, you think of what is commonly referred to as "Show-biz," don't you? But where can you go to see the best acting money can buy, any day of the week? No, I'm not talking about the theatre or TV. I'm talking about the "Restaurant-biz." Servers, bartenders, hostesses, and restaurateurs act on a daily business. Their performance is crucial! Every movement, every word, every bite is an integral part of the restaurant-goers experience, and any one of these parts, if it isn't just right, could lead to the restaurant-goer, well, going.
How to Build a Cobblestone House
He huffed and he puffed and he blew the house down - certainly not if the house was built with cobblestones. Building cobblestone houses was a folk art that flourished in upstate New York from 1825 until the Civil War in 1860. Many of the 700+ cobblestone homes that were built survive today, a testament to their fine craftsmanship.
Space, and the Room for It
Space exploration came a long way since I was the size of a measurable amount of it.
[Not So] Outgoing Mail
I am currently perplexed by the concept of outgoing mail. I mean, I understand it in theory, but today I tried talking to it and it didn't even respond. What's so outgoing about that? I think it needs to be renamed "shy mail" or "introverted mail". And besides, the reason a lot of people send mail is because they are not outgoing people and would like to instead express themselves in written form. So a new name for this type of mail is only logical. I would suggest names like Ralph or Hector or Agnes, because people don't seem to send mail to people with names like those, and thus the name would be ironic...
Bed Bugs Bite
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There are many ways to be original these days. But unfortunately I cannot reveal any of these ways because the followers would then not be original, would they? Now, I realize that somewhere between one to two people would have followed the advice I gave, but just in case my calculations were off - and it turns out three would have followed - I need to be careful about what I write ?
Used Condom Found In Restaurant Salad Bar; Waiter Embarrassed To Tears
Evidence of after-hours activity turned up at a Big Boy restaurant salad bar in Detroit last week, embarrassing not only the perpetrators, but nearly everyone associated with the company.
25 Reasons You Might Need to Wear a Welding Helmet
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I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark A LOT. So, whattya gonna do about it? Well, if you're Amber and Terry, you're going to do NOTHING about it. Ain't nobody going to silence the Rubinman, you know what I'm sayin'? If you're NOT Amber and Terry, though (i.e. you're smart) and you want to know how to get your dog to just freakin' shut up once in a while, here's what you need to know?
Setting History Straight
Have you ever heard the name Will Schwenk? Or the name Artie Seymour? Probably not. But you will, you will, when the word gets around about how these two inglorious talents were by-passed, how they missed being touched by the magic wand of Fate. For contrary to popular belief, the series of light operettas commonly attributed to Gilbert and Sullivan were in effect written by the pair of nonentities named above, Artie being the melodist and Will the versifier.
Psychiatric Psychiatrist - A Joke on Psychiatry
A few weeks ago I went to see a psychiatrist.
Important Safety Tip$
I was given a list of Do's and Don'ts of interacting with people who have dementia. I've modified this list only slightly to guide you in safely interacting with corporate executives.
When Humans and Dogs Collide: Negotiations for Todays Changing Times
This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked forward to the spiritual journey that would define who I was as a person. But then I looked into my mirror and realized that the person I saw in that mirror was me. So I then figured, why spend all this time finding myself when I already know where I am?
3 Surefire Ways To Combat Rising Gas Prices
I have heard the rumblings of many of you inReaderland about the recent spike ingasoline prices. In fact it's all I seem to hear about lately. But at least it keeps you from rumbling about the infrequency of my columnsand articles. Nonetheless, I have decided to try to help you get through this crisis by generously providing: 3 Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices!
Restaurant Manager Gives Out Sexual Favors As Performance Bonus, Raise
While many restaurant workers worry and sweat in anticipation of an imminent job-related performance review, employees at Applebee's in Westland have adopted an entirely different attitude toward the employment evaluation process. This is due in no small part to the fact that the general manager, Lisa Blanco, rewards superior employee performance the old fashion way.
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