Trick Or Treat - Is This Make-Believe Or The Real Thing?
"I'll call you this week". "Yes, I'd love to see you again". "I had a great time". "I'm not interested in dating anyone else". "I think I'm falling in love with you."
These are a few of the phrases passed between singles as they move through the stages of meeting and dating. At the time, they are uttered with what feels like true emotion and honesty. No wonder the person they are directed to is so confused when the call never comes, the person becomes unavailable, or it soon becomes evident that the speaker is dating or deeply involved with someone else. Can we ever believe what we see or hear? How can we be sure?
Dating is a process of getting to know someone. It begins with an attraction, which is formed by that first impression. Often, this first meeting occurs by chance at a social gathering, at work or in the course of one's daily life. More and more, it happens through a response to a personal ad and the emailing and phone calls that follow. Both in-person and email or voice contact give us a sense of the other individual- but this is only a brief snapshot of who they may be. It takes real time together to create a larger and clearer picture of this other person and their rightness or wrongness for us. During this time we assess for friendship, attraction, shared interests and values, and a willingness and ability on the part of both individuals to move forward in a relationship.
Given that this is a process, it has stages. A first date helps the couple to learn more. It is a fact-finding experience, which involves not only the information the other provides, but our feelings and reactions to it and to them as a potential partner. We show our best selves and attempt to make an appropriate connection with someone we find desirable. In the best scenario, everything clicks for both people and conversation is natural and easy. More often, there may be questions, doubts, and/or mixed feelings. Seeing each other again is often suggested by one or both people and is a good way to learn more about each other and resolve any questions. But the doubts and negative feelings go unstated in a desire to either give the other person a chance or to let them down easily. It's also an easy way out for someone who is uncomfortable with this level of emotional honesty.
So, how do we know what the other person is truly feeling? You have several options for getting this information.
* You take them at their word and wait to see if they follow through with what they have said they would do. Nothing speaks louder than behavior. This option is the most common choice and can leave you in that all too familiar holding and wondering pattern.
* You attempt to address the situation openly and candidly. This one requires a bit of courage and an ability to be vulnerable. State how you are feeling in a thoughtful but honest way. Ask them to do the same for you. Let them know that you want to hear their honest thoughts about how the date went and if they would like to get together again.
* The third option should be used regardless of what you do with the other two. Pay attention to their non-verbal communication. How do they look at you? What quiet responses do you get after you have shared something about yourself? What do you see in their facial reaction, posture and eyes? Do you FEEL interest or just politeness? Are they really WITH you, or somewhere else? If you learn to listen to the non-verbal language, you will HEAR much more than what their words have to say.
Listening to the whole person applies throughout the stages of dating and relationships. It is also important during this time to pay attention to their behavior and note inconsistencies or mixed messages. Too often people don't and are stunned when a relationship "suddenly" ends or they find out they are seeing someone who was not the person they thought they were. Trust your instincts and listen "with a third ear".
Remember also that the responsibility for honesty is also on you. Don't say what you think the other person wants to hear because you don't want to be impolite or hurt their feelings. If you really think about it, it is more hurtful and in poor taste to be dishonest with someone who has a true interest and is trying to learn yours.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and relationship advice in response to listener feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. She is a member of The International Coach Federation, and The International Association Of Coaches.
Mens Guide To Online Dating Success. Secret Seduction Tips Revealed!
Looking To Meet Women? Craving Female Company?
Who Says Online Datings Only For Losers?
I let that friend talk me into browsing some pictures on one of the more popular dating sites. I had to say, there were some pretty decent looking men on there. Their profiles made them sound like fairly mentally stable human beings. I had to admit that the single thing was getting really tedious. I had done the bar scene (as we all have), had friends try to 'hook me up' with some other dateless, picky single person (though, why some of them figured they had the right to be picky, I have no idea), with no success.
Should You Go on a Dating Hiatus?
Online Dating: How I Met My Mate
Do you think online dating is only for the young and the foolish? Not true! Lots of men and and women of all ages are finding the love of their life through online dating. I did it and so can you. Oh, No, Single Again!When I separated from husband number three, I was 47 years old and plenty scared that I would never find a good man to love. I read all those stories about how a woman over 40 has a better chance of being hit by lightning than getting married again. It's all nonsense. Your life is determined by the state of your consciousness.When you end an unhappy chapter of your life, it means you've got some soul-searching and spiritual work to do. If you are willing to do the work required to heal your emotional hurts and resentments, you can write a new chapter with a very different ending. I went through a real "Dark Night of the Soul" following my third divorce, but I had such a big, stubborn ego that the only way I was going to learn the lessons I needed to learn was to be completely humbled.
Inexpensive Dating Ideas
Dating and saving money. For many, the two concepts don't equate. There's an automatic reaction for most when suggesting the two together that the person paying is trying to be "cheap" and the resulting date will naturally have the same feel. Contrary to popular belief, however, dating doesn't have to be expensive to be fun, entertaining and memorable. It doesn't even have to take a whole lot of extra preparation time. What it does take is a little imagination and breaking from the typical date routine. You have to be willing to think beyond dinner and a movie and be willing to try something new for a change. Here are 15 inexpensive dating ideas: 10 for anyone plus 5 for the adventurous.
Flattery Will Get You Everywhere
Flattery will get you everywhere! Always compliment women and they will always feel good about you, but don't overdue it or they will think your just trying to score points (which you are, but you don't want them to know that).
Long Distance Dating: Romantic or Frantic?
It sounds like something out of a fairy tale. She's in Los Angeles: he's in New York. They met through an online dating service, started with e-mail, moved up to phone chatting and now they're sure they're in love. Only problem is-they have never met in person.
Dont Procrastinate when It Comes to Meeting Single Women
Has this ever happened to you? You're at a bar or nightclub and you see this lovely lady across the way that you're attracted to and dying to meet.
How to Get Over an Ex When You?re Still In Love
1. First, put yourself in the opposite position: If YOU didn't want to be with someone, and let him or her know it, what would you expect the other person to do? Hopefully let go, and move on with dignity.
5 Mistakes Men Make On The First Date
The number one mistake made by men on the first date is trying to buy love. The first date is not a marriage proposal; it's merely an opportunity to measure compatibility. If it doesn't work out, you will have spent all that cash on a fancy restaurant and red roses for nothing. Unfortunately, the IRS has not declared bad dates to be tax deductible expenses.
10 Fast Ways to Re-Igniting Romance
Research shows that people who put each other down and are hostile to each other are more likely to have serious problems .
Unlock Your Inner Diva for Dating Success
There's something sexy about a powerful, take-charge woman who knows what she wants and how to get it! To be an intriguing and sexy Decisive Diva you must develop within yourself the Three E's of Feminine Power: Erotic Power, Economic Power and Emotional Power. Learn how to unlock your own Inner Diva and power date your way to a great relationship.
Why Date Someone You Wouldnt Have As Your Friend?
Sometimes in dating we so often settle for people that we would not normally have as friends? Why is that? Does the desire to be in a relationship outweigh our standards in love that we will take on a relationship with someone that isn't good for us? I think that we often let loneliness overshadow our standards that we set. We need to stick to our desires and not engage ourselves into relationships that we wouldn't ordinarily engage in.
Take Your Time
How long do you think it takes to really get to know someone to the point where you could marry them? Is 1 month long enough? Is 6 months long enough? Is 1 year long enough? What do you think of people who believe in love at first site? Is it infatuation or genuine love? I donīt intend to answer these questions, but how you answer them will impact how you approach dating and relationships.
Web Cams: Windows on the World
The webcam has brought a truly amazing variety of experience to the desktop user giving all of us true "window on the world" to webcams all over the planet. With a good webcam software to connect you to the vast array of webcams out there you can see live video as it occurs from such diverse places as???
Probably you do have attitude, but what is it? Jaded, self-protective? Frightened? Is "scared to death" too strong?
Are You Up For The Challenge
Back in 2004, I met a gentleman who was interested in getting to know me better. After a few discussions of finding out what I needed to know, I decided to participate. Early in this process, he told me that he is not a good "chit-chat" starter. He could engage in conversation but starting it and keeping it flowing were not his gifts. As time moved on, I found this to be true and it began to be a bother. The long moments of silence on the phone at times drove me batty. I don't know about you but I don't do long moments of silence well at all.
Adult Dating: Friend or Foe - Your Sex Life and the Internet!
There was a time when finding a date, partner, lover or playmate online was frowned upon. It was for people who couldn't get a date any other way!Oh how things have changed?not only can you sign up to a site listing thousands of singles who match your height, size, location and taste in food?now you can choose your sex partners too.
Flowers Leading the Way
Online dating is very popular and also provides a safe way in which to meet other singles with many of your same interests. Instead of trying to find that perfect someone by going out on blind dates set up by friends and family members, doing the bar scene or just plain giving up, many single people today are meeting they soul mates online.
10 Secrets to Online Dating Success
Online dating is a new way to find friends or perhaps to find your special someone.
|© Athifea Distribution LLC - 2013|