Expectations Can Get In Our Way
There are times when we truly look forward to something just as there are times when we totally dread something. What is the difference between anticipation with joy and anticipation with anxiety? Where and how does that expectation actually take place? If we think about it, the expectations take place in our minds. And, what that really means is that we totally make it up. We tend to create ideas and stories about how wonderful or awful something might be.
If we expect things to be positive and then they're not, we have set ourselves up for a disappointment. If we expect something to be difficult or challenging, and it winds up being easy or fun, we are pleasantly surprised. The things that we expect are things that have not already taken place, so in essence, we can't possibly know for sure if they will be good or bad. Yet, we THINK they will be one way or another. All the while, the idea of good or bad is going on in our minds even though the actuality hasn't yet taken place.
I can remember letting every distraction take me away from a project that I was really dreading. In my mind, I 'expected' the project to be difficult and time consuming. Clearly, I couldn't 'really' know what it would be like because it hadn't actually happened. Yet, I was convinced of all the negatives. Eventually, I set aside a block of time and 'forced' myself to deal with and finish it. What happened in reality? Once I set the time aside and focused on it, it went smoothly. It wasn't particularly difficult and the relief I felt when it was complete was enormous. That is not to say that the expectation may have turned out to be true. It may have been difficult, but it's important to note that either way, a lot of energy went into the expectation phase and could have gone directly into the reality of doing it -rather than wasting energy thinking and guessing what it might be like.
Thinking back to a time when my children were quite young, my son, who is older than my daughter, was extremely cautious and conscientious. My daughter was much more of a free spirit who didn't concern herself about responsibility. My son came home from school without his hand-knit sweater. I went crazy not understanding how a child who is so responsible could do something so irresponsible. Then I caught myself ? I thought if this had been my daughter, I would have expected something like that. And from that moment on, I realized how our expectations can get in the way and how our behavior can be based on ideas and thoughts that just aren't true and may have no relevance. ANY child could have left a sweater behind. The difference occurred only in my expectations.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT:Is there something that you have expectations around? Perhaps, it's the behavior of another person, something you have put off doing, or maybe it's realizing that an expectation exists in your mind about something you would like to be different. If you are willing, notice your expectations and see them for what they really are ? just ideas around something that may not be true or may not be possible. Also, notice how much time or energy goes into thinking about the ideas running rampant in your mind. Hopefully, you'll experience freedom and relief when dropping those ideas.
Marion Franklin - is a Professional Certified Life Coach who coaches individuals and groups regarding personal and professional change, focus, human relations, and conflict management. Marion has coached managers at major corporations including PepsiCo, Toys'R'Us, and Reader's Digest. She conducts and help clients design workshops and presentations, has been a featured presenter at meetings, retreats, and an ongoing Women's Workshop Series, has been cited in The Journal News and The Wall Street Journal, and has appeared on local Cable Television.http://www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Worth Waiting For
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 22, 2002
Boost Your Self-Esteem
What Is Self-Esteem?
Its Game Time! Four Powerful Lessons in the Game of Life
I turned 29 last week, and if statistics are right and I die on or around my 78th birthday, I am almost 40% done. In a numbers game, that is pretty close to half way. This had me thinking about when I played basketball in high school and college. I thought most about the half time events in the locker room.
Throw a No-Heat Party for the Planet
Is it really possible to have loads of fun, and help the planet at the same time?
Why Daily Planning is So Important for Adults with ADD
For adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), details are a drag. We tend to see the big picture and want to jump straight to the finish line, wishing we could skip all the steps in between. Unfortunately, this perspective often causes us to become overwhelmed when it's time to start a project. We know where we want to end up, but we don't know where to start.
So it's time for a change. You've taken that hard look in the mirror and you've decided that who you are is not who you want to be. Or perhaps you're standing at a fork in the road and where you'd like to go requires that you make some changes. Maybe you're just really bored with your life as you've been in that same old rut for so long that you just want to scream if you spend another day doing the same amazingly boring things all over again. The reasons for change are as varied as the people making the decision to do so. The only thing you have to remember is that the change must come from you, not from someone else. And it can't be a gift to someone else, it won't work. Ultimately, recreating ourselves is a very personal choice and a very personal decision that others really can't help us with.
Your Personal Treasure Chest
Sometimes it is helpful to review several of the basic components of THE ENCHANTED SELF. That's what I've decided to do this time.
Success Coaching - What Bill Gates and You Should Have In Common
He was just a teenager, but he was already displaying the powerful habits that would one day make him a billionaire.
Email Etiquette 1
I thought it might be worth visiting some email etiquette for all as the majority of the readers of this newsletter are now on email.
Coaching Book Review: The Coach: Creating Partnerships for a Competitive Edge
Leaders today have many challenges when it comes to guiding and influencing the performance of their team members. In the past, productivity and success depended on sheer muscle and sweat. Competition, technology and the desire of employees to be meaningfully involved in their work are powerful forces shaping the leader's destiny and future role. The need for service, quality, and effectiveness in organizations is stimulating a demand for employees who think, act, and feel like responsible partners in the enterprise. Now and in the future, reinvigorating employees, managers, and peers through coaching will be critical to the success of both leaders and business. More than ever, leaders need to inspire employees with contagious enthusiasm in order to deliver quality services and products. In CMOE's coaching book, "The Coach: Creating Partnerships for a Competitive Edge," it provides refreshing ideas and strategies to help leaders cope with the demands and challenges of their calling.
Live With An Attitude Of Gratitude
Imagine for a moment one of those nights when you just can't fall asleep and you have to get up early the next morning for a very important meeting of which you are the keynote speaker. Your alarm clock goes off early in the morning waking you from what little sleep you had. You stumble out of bed, have a quick shower, grab a coffee and some toast, and off you go to fight the traffic on the way to work.
THE Step to Working Smarter (Japanese Style)
Remember that Coke contest from the 80s? If you collected bottle tops that had the letters to spell T-H-E R-E-A-L T-H-I-N-G, then youd win a zillion dollars.
Whats Wrong with Life Coaching?
As a Life Coach I quickly identified most individuals wanted to achieve a particular goal or ambition and tried it themselves without success, and unfortunatley were still reluctant to get any help. So, I started 'A Life Coaching' a company which provides individuals with the tools, skills and processes to Life Coach themselves. (Free sample multi media below.)
Going Beyond Life Coaching
In Corrogue the air is chill and the frost is on the ground.
Several Red Flags for Spotting a Phony or Scam
The world is full of phonies and scammers these days. They use various mediums such as phone solicitation, spam email, magazine and newspapers ads, TV infomercials, and plain old snail mail. They are constantly searching for their next victim. Like P.T. Barnum once said, "there's a sucker born every minute", so there's a plenteous pool.
Skills for Change
The name of the game is CHANGE -- that's true at work, and it's also true in life. In both situations there are FOUR skills you can trust:
Unhook From The Perpetual Progress Grid
I have been a member of a group called the Women in BusinessConnection (WIBC for short) in Cambridge, MA for about fouryears. We get together for lunch meetings once a month. Lastweek at our December event several of the women commented to mehow much they liked my newsletter. It is always nice to hearcomplimentary feedback but one woman went even farther - shesaid it was like getting a "Zen moment" in her email. (ThanksCibeline!)
Tripping On Mindfulness
One of the ironies of mindfulness is that it's still possible to be forgetful, klutzy, or even distracted while doing our best to pay attention.
A Christmas Wish
My sister is a woman now beginning her thirties. She has had few friends and her boyfriends have never been good for her. Now she has finally found a man who adores her.
Coaching for Success
Coaching is perhaps the most effective method of increasing performance available to managers, team leaders, and colleagues. This article defines coaching and outlines a process for effective coaching.
|© Athifea Distribution LLC - 2013|