Watch Your Language! - How Parents Can Help Kids Help Themselves

'I felt great until I walked into the classroom - then itall went wrong!'

No, this wasn't a teacher talking! It was a high schoolstudent on the day of an important exam.

She needed a good grade in a particular subject to qualifyfor a place at college, so she had worked hard and psychedherself up for success.

Then she blew it. She walked into the classroom wherestudents were gathering before going to the exam hall, andallowed herself to be influenced by them.

She told me the atmosphere in the room was charged withnegativity. People were sitting around with gloomy faces,some were wringing their hands and pacing up and down.Others were uttering such comments as:

'I'm going to fail, I just know it!'
'This is going to be SO hard!'
'Mr So-and-So said we've nobody to blame but ourselves.'
'Yeah, it's been an easy paper the last two years. They'rebound to toughen up this year.'

So it went on. And the girl in question allowed herself tobe sucked under. She reported a feeling of nausea as theconfidence drained from her.

In fact, she never failed, but to everyone's disappointment,she never got the high grade expected of her.

However, she learned two very important lessons that day:

* Negative language produces negative results

* If we're not careful we can easily become 'infected' bythe negativity of others.

Our experience in any situation is largely influenced by ourattitude to it, (i.e. the way we FEEL, the way we reactemotionally to the situation).

Our attitude is affected by our thoughts, our thoughtsaffect our language, and our thoughts are in turn affectedBY our language.

And not only by our OWN language, but by the language ofothers - if we're not careful, that is.

Here in the UK teachers are used to hearing studentssay 'I'm stuck!' when working on a classroom assignment orexercise. A challenge has been encountered and the studentis having difficulty finding a solution.

Fair enough, ask the teacher for help, that's what they'rethere for. Many a parent has given their kids that advice.

But what's the effect of saying 'I'm stuck'?

What message does that send to the brain?

As a teacher, I've experimented with this many times - andthe results are always the same!

Whenever I hear someone say 'I'm stuck' I usually say,'Right, I'll be with you shortly.' And I leave them to it.

Other kids will say 'Can you help me, please?' and I'll givethem the same reply.

Now, without fail, the students who were 'stuck' sit andvegetate until the teacher comes over. After all, they'vegiven their brains a message: 'Down tools! There's nothingmore we can do right now.'

The kids who say they need help, however, are always to befound pondering over their work, trying to work out asolution.

That's the influence of language!

I should add, I only ever hear the cries of 'I'm stuck!' ina class that's new to me. Very quickly the students learnthat they're not trees, so they're not stuck!

This is not a denial of reality - it's simply a way ofINTERPRETING reality, and a much better, more effective wayat that.

As a writer, I often hear people say they'd love to write abook. Recently one young woman said exactly that, then followed upwith '. . . but I don't suppose I ever will.'

She was rather offended when I replied, 'No, I don't supposeyou will.'

However, we talked about negative language, and she wasgrateful for the advice. As Henry Ford so aptly put it: 'Ifyou think you can't - you're right!'

So how can we, as parents, help in our child's education and in life in general?

Help them monitor their language. And, as always, give thema good example by keeping our own language positive!Gently point out that 'I hate Chemistry!' will only reinforce a negative attitude to that subject.

'I need to work at Chemistry' will make it easier to do justthat!

When kids complain they are bored, encourage them to think,'I could be more interested in this!' The message to thebrain? - 'Come on, rouse yourself! Take an interest.'

So far, so good. But what about the negative language ofothers, which can so easily throw our kids off guard.

Here's a simple technique that, believe me, really works!

When you encounter a negative atmosphere or negativelanguage, try to remove yourself from it. But if you can't,just imagine you are enclosed in a plastic bubble or glassbell jar - double or triple glazed if necessary!

Tell yourself that your positive contributions can gooutand affect others, but their negative comments bounce offand don't get near you.

Try it. It works . . .

Happy parenting!

Why do some parents and children succeed, while othersfail?Frank McGinty is an internationally published author andteacher. If you want to develop your parentingskills and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html

AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html