Divorce Information

How To Protect Your Life Insurance Policy While Going Through A Divorce


Life insurance, more than most things you buy, relates to the circumstances of your life. You buy life insurance to protect your family from financial loss stemming from your death. You tie the amount of your life insurance to the money your family will need to provide an income, pay off debts, put children through college and cover financial commitments.

Joint Bank Accounts and Divorce


Here are some useful tips on joint bank accounts and divorce. If you've recently been through a divorce - or are contemplating one - you may want to look closely at issues involving joint bank accounts.

Four Tips to Save You Money in a Divorce Case


1. Have an Clear Written Fee Agreement

Healing Dysfunctional Families


In a recent article entitled "Some Evidence On How We Are Spiritually Connected" I reported on a case study that revealed how individuals who share common traumatic memories can help each other release the trauma at a distance employing a new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM). In this article I will elaborate some of the potential applications of such a result as well as its far reaching implications.

Divorce--How the Legal System Works Against You


If there were no legal system, no lawyers and no courts, divorce would still be difficult and it would still take time to go through it. Divorce is at least a major crossroad in your life, maybe even a full-blown life crisis.So, here you are, you and your spouse, going through your personal life changes, when the State comes along and says, "Excuse me! You can't go through this without us. Your divorce has to be conducted on our field and under our rules . . . and you can't even hope to understand our rules. Oh, by the way, this divorce system we're going to put you through has no tools for helping you solve problems or negotiate with your spouse. In fact, our system is based on conflict and it is specially designed to cause trouble and greatly increase your expense. Please pay your filing fees on the way in."Our system of justice is known as an "adversary system." This is the nature of the beast. It began hundreds of years ago in the middle ages with "trial by combat," where people with a disagreement would fight it out and whoever survived was "right." Today, physical contact is no longer a recognized legal technique, but things are still set up as a fight. The parties are regarded as adversaries, enemies in combat. When a divorce is conducted in our legal system, the spouses and their attorneys are expected to struggle against one another and try to "win" the case, to "beat" the opposition.The rules control the way your attorney works with you. Your attorney is required to be "adversarial," that is, aggressive and combative. The adversary system and the way lawyers work in it is a major cause of conflict, trouble and the high cost of divorce. You want to have as little as possible to do with the legal system. It is designed to work against you.In spite of the way things seem, lawyers are not always villains and not always to blame for stirring up conflict. But even for lawyers who mean well, the tools they use and the system they work in will usually increase conflict. Law schools do not require courses in communication or negotiation. Rather, they stress manipulation of rules of law, aggressive and defensive strategy, how to take any side of any case and make the most of it, how to argue, and how to get the most financial advantage in every situation.Professional standards of practice dictate how a lawyer will conduct your case. For example, professional ethics forbid your lawyer to communicate directly with your spouse--the adversary. It is expected, instead, that your spouse will be represented by an attorney and your lawyer can only communicate through your spouse's lawyer.This means that your attorney can't "talk sense" to your spouse, or explain to your spouse how you see things, or even help you talk to each other. It means your attorney will always have a one-sided view of your case and can never achieve an understanding any greater than your own.If you retain a lawyer, he will definitely take your case into the contested cycle of the legal system because that's the only thing he can do. He has to. There are no other formal tools a lawyer can use.The primary tools the lawyer uses are pre-trial motions and discovery. An attorney can take you and your spouse into court to get temporary orders for support, custody, visitation or keeping the peace. An attorney can use formal discovery to get documents and information under oath.So, if you and your spouse can work out your own temporary arrangements and share all information openly, you'll have no need for those incredibly expensive legal tools. You can keep your case out of lawyers' offices and out of court.But, if either spouse retains an attorney, that attorney will invariably write formal letters, file legal papers, make motions, and do discovery. These actions will surely cause the other spouse to get an attorney, too. Now, instead of two people who don't communicate well, you have four people who do not communicate well. The case is now contested and the cost and conflict level will go way up. Attorneys tend to ask for more than they expect to get; it's considered "good" practice. Your spouse's lawyer will oppose your lawyer's exaggerated demands by offering less than they are willing to give and by attacking you and your case at the weakest points.Now you're off to a good, hot start and soon you'll have a hotly contested case, lots of cost, and a couple of very upset spouses. Fees in contested cases can run from tens of thousands of dollars each all the way up to everything.Summary: Except in high-conflict cases, the legal system has little to offer. The things an attorney can do for you are expensive, upsetting, and tend to increase conflict rather than reduce it.If you don't want to (or have to) use the legal system, go around it--work out your arrangements outside the legal system and, if necessary, get limited assistance, in the form of information and advice, from attorneys who do not represent the spouses.Take heart; I tell you exactly how to do this in my articles, Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System and Divorce--How You Can Beat the System.Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman

Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System


Let's look at how a divorce case works so you can see what you face and how you can beat the legal system. The legal divorce process is similar in all states, but there are two common sets of terms. In this article, I use the first set.

Divorce--How to Beat the System


Of course you want to get your Judgment--that's the goal of your legal divorce--but you don't want to go through the adversarial legal system to get it. You don't want to get all tangled up with lawyers and courts, because the system is designed to work against you.

Rebuilding Your Life from the Ashes


One peculiar feature of a stepfamily is that they are built on a negative foundation. A stepfamily couple comes to their new home with a full set of baggage, containing memories, wounds, and habits. Probably the biggest piece of baggage that sits in the way of your developing a new life is your connection to your ex?spouse.

Spousal Emotional Abuse During Divorce--What You Can Do


Is your spouse violent, abusive, harassing? In cases of harassment or violence there are legal remedies and there are practical things you can and must do for yourself. This is not about reaching agreement--these are strategies for self-defense. Mental and physical abuse must never be tolerated.

Divorce--The Five Obstacles to Agreement


This article and my articles "Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement" and "Negotiating Agreement" are about how to deal with disagreement--from simple difference of opinion to active upset and anger--and some specific steps that will help you reach an agreement. As you will see, the things you can do yourself are far more effective than anything a lawyer can do for you.More than 90% of all cases are settled before trial. Unfortunately, too many are settled only after the spouses have spent their emotional energies on conflict and their financial resources on lawyers. The time and effort spent battling has impaired their ability to get on with their lives and may have caused serious psychic damage to themselves and their children. The spouses could have saved themselves all that simply by agreeing to settle earlier. Why didn't they?Okay, here you are, heading for a divorce; your spouse is going to be involved and you want to work out an agreement. What's so hard about that? Why don't you just do it? Easier to say than do, isn't it? There are good reasons why it's hard for spouses to work out an agreement--five, to be exact:

Divorce--Overcoming the Obstacles to Agreement: Ten Steps


You're going to want to be working on your divorce agreement outside the legal system, because the things you can do to help yourself outside the legal system are far more effective than anything a lawyer can do for you.But please don't just walk up to your spouse and start negotiating. First, you want to do something about the obstacles to agreement. This means that before you get down to negotiating your real issues, you have to:calm emotional upset, reduce fears and balance the bargaining power of both parties;get reliable information and advice;and learn how to get safe, reliable help if you need it.

Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps


The best predictor of a good divorce outcome is the degree of client control over the negotiation--everything works much better if you have it. This doesn't mean you should not get help and advice from an attorney if you want it; it means you are better off if you plan to do most or all of the negotiating yourself.Studies indicate that clients feel their attorneys don't actually give them much help or guidance anyway. In a 1976 Connecticut study, nearly half of those interviewed reported no more than three contacts with their attorney, including phone calls, while 60% said they had worked out all issues without attorney help.A New Jersey study in 1984 considered only cases with children where both spouses had attorneys. Fewer than 20% felt their lawyers had played a major role in settlement negotiations.So, you see, you are likely to end up dealing with the negotiation anyway and there is strong evidence that you are far better off if you do. You get a higher degree of compliance with terms of agreement, a much lower chance for future courtroom conflict, co-parenting is smoother, support payments are more likely to be made in full and on time, and you get on with your life more quickly.Don't expect negotiating with a spouse to be easy. There are lots of built-in difficulties--so many that you may want professional help from a good mediator. But, okay, so there are problems--that's nothing new in the world of divorce. Let's look at exactly what you can do about it. Here are ten steps you can take to make your negotiations work:1. Be businesslike:

Marriage - Divorce - Separation - How to Handle the Split Loyalties with Friends After Separation


We have all most probably encountered it at some stage in our lives - who do we stay friends with after a couple divorces or separates?

Divorce and Separation - A Child?s Perspective


It is always the children that suffer the most when a marriage breaks down and separation or divorce is imminent. Children of divorcing parents often witness arguments even rows and this has a strong effect on any child. Children do not understand why parents argue and cannot relate to rows during the build up to a divorce or seperation. They become confused and insecure and their life seems as if it is in turmoil. Here we explain some of the issues from a child?s perspective.

Marriage Seperation - A Practical Guide


Finance in marriage seperation is a very big issue particularly with regards to the mortgage and household bills. When marriage seperation is inevitable obviously both parties need somewhere to stay and often it can be quite difficult to sell one property and then try to finance two. Some couples agree to keep the existing property going and one partner move out into rented accommodation for a trial marriage seperation period. This then gives each partner time to reflect and decide what may be better for both parties. However, both parties in marriage seperation have to live and are sometimes eligible for single parent help should they have children. This, together with child maintenance, could help with their financial situation considerably.

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